Really? Huh. I somehow had it that that was what she got full marks on....

 

Here it is...

 

She passed Stealth and Tracking, she failed Stealth and Tracking it doesn't really matter... Shezza is GOD, and who are we puny mortals to contradict the Creator?

Anyway I enjoyed the new chapter, and I can't wait to see the last section.

Oh and Shezza, I added my vote for you at The Quibbler Awards. Best of luck at winning.

 

"I guess I'll have to kill you now" / "I guess I'll have to kill you, you know"

I liked the scene but... it was so short

 

"Unless she was being a bitch. Then you woke up on a bitch in Hawaii in the middle of the night with a spread of cocktail glasses around you and a hangover that rivalled the Cruciatus Curse."

I'm assuming that you meant beach there. I prefer the 'wrong' version though.

Then you woke up on a fat bitch in Hawaii in the middle of the night with a spread of greasy cocktail napkins around you, several days worth of devestated food platters, and a hangover that rivalled the Cruciatus Curse.

 

I like the way you made Tonks see Harry's "business mode" in this chapter. I doubt that he will be getting any from her in the foreseeable future though.

EDIT: Datakim has a valid point. I just looked back at the chapter and it looks like a serious plot hole.

 

Praise upon you for your dedication Shezza!! (Will that do?)

I mostly liked this chapter quite a bit. The banter between Harry and Tonks is very amusing. The start where Harry surprises Tonks was especially chuckleworthy. Lets hope we see more of "Honks". The scene in the bar was good too, Harry acted very much like himself there, and while I don't really have anything more significant to say, I thought it was good.

However there was one thing that sorta stuck me as a bit weak. That would be the end where Harry starts torturing the prisoner. Mainly because to me there is an obvious plot-hole there. You imply that the reason Harry has to torture prisoner is because truth potions wont work and Harry's skills at legilimency are not good enough to extract the information that way.

The problem is that this leads to the utterly obvious question: Why not get Dumbledore? We already know that Dumbledores skill at legilimency is topnotch. I mean in your first story he was able to use them on the fake-Moody so it makes no sense he would be prevented here. There is no way that this cowardly and weak guy could resist Dumbledores probing when the far more powerfull fake-Moody did not.

Having Dumbledore extract the knowledge would make sense in other ways too. I mean torture is a crude way of extracting information, the victim will no doubt say anything to stop the pain, regardless of whether its true or not making anything Harry gets unreliable at best. Something Harry and Meciel should be well aware of. Torture also needlessly alienates Tonks, something that Harry might not care about but Dumbledore would. (Then again Harry might care too since he so obviously wants to get into her pants )

When I read the last part I could not help but get the feeling that you were having Harry torture the prisoner not because it made sense, but simply because it was "badass and evil" and you wanted to show how Harsh Harry can be. But the thing is, we already knew Harry is that, so its hardly necessary on that front. And it makes Harry, Meciel and Dumbledore all look quite foolish in using such a crude and unreliable method when a better and more accurate one is easily available.

 

Where's the new scene posted! I looked around and I can't find it and all these posts are killing me! Please!!!!!!

I feel stupid. Disregard the ignorant n00b.

 

In the Dresden WBA, where the awesomeness is overwhelming.

Great chapter, me likes.

 

I liked how you executed the scene from the outline. Some descriptions and mention of Auror devices and magic was interesting. Spell chaining, of course, is nothing new, but the label of Auror nine was a very nice touch. My suggestion would be to develop Tonks character into something more than what is shown here. If you notice you have had a lot of characters who found Harry disgusting morally, despicable, etc, she sort of sounds like she is echoing those characters' characterization. So if you show her get a little disenchanted and maybe try to walk in Harry's path to own up to what the war takes to win it will make her character a little more dynamic. Think about it, it would irreversibly damage her heroic soul and embitter her. Harry could take pleasure in seeing Dumbledore weep over another one of his untarnished followers being sullied by the true ugly side of the war.

Other than that I squeed over Meciel illusion. Such a fanboy.

Edits below:~

conscience*

Feeling dicklessic? or is it "Wotcher cutie, doing stuff?"*

wandered* Also small 'cloak' doesn't quite give the right picture, imagine a piece of really short cloth around her shoulders. Sure its small but its not as if its revealing anything but being tied around her neck. Outer robes, maybe?

her*

 

S'he mean: what's ya doing, cute stuff??

maybe Its a shemale.

 

Now*

Something that makes me cringe when I read it, no other mistake is like that.

 

Did you mean 'wake up on a beach', or was this right? Either way, pretty funny.

EDIT: My bad, Yak noticed that one ahead of me.

 

Honestly, Datakim, I can see why Dumbledore wouldn't want to use legilimency. Legilimency is used as a end-all-be-all, way too often. The point of Occlumency isn't to stop someone from entering your mind. The point is to let them enter your mind, and then show them what you want to show them. It's unreliable.

If someone can master Occlumency, what's to say that they couldn't act well enough to fool everybody into thinking their weak and cowardly? Granted, IUD (Information under duress), isn't all that reliable, either. But, for all Dumbledore knows, this man may have been planted there as bait for him, and then when he's picked up, he feeds them wrong information.

Edit: Legilimency is great in a snap, a quick instant. Spur of the moment, whatever. But it shouldn't be the fail-safe for every interrogation.

 

Is it a cliche thing? I don't know. I do know however that Shezza has already introduced it in the series several times before, so just saying its used "way too often" in stories does not work for me. As for whether or not its unreliable, the impression I had from canon atleast was that shielding ones mind from it is not something that everyone learns and knows.

As for whether the information extracted with legilimency is unrealiable or not, I suppose there might be a risk of that. But really it seems to me that you have to gauge probabilities, which is more _likely_ to provide accurate information? I would say legilimency has a far higher chance than physical torture.

But if he is a plant, then the information provided by torture will be equally wrong so there is no extra benefit in that. Also I must say that your explanation has the feel of a reader inventing excuses and explanations to justify/ignore a problem. There is not even a hint that the guy is capable of protecting himself against someone reading his mind, and the way things are written also suggests that Harry could do it if he was only more skilled.

Why not? I don't buy the excuse that it cannot be used just because its "common". I desire an instory explanation for why legilimency cannot be used when there is such a high chance that it would work much better. And such explanations would not be all that hard.

For instance, maybe Harry could actually try legilimency and encounter defenses in the guys mind which would then give justification for resorting to other methods.

Or maybe Harry actually could use legilimency to extract the necessary information but the crude way he would go about it would be agonizing in itself and tear the guys mind apart(but not before Harry got the info). The cruelty in that would certainly have the same impact on Tonks as torture and also avoid any plotholes.

And thats just two random examples from the top of my head. I feel that the point of a review is to try and tell what you think about a story and point out any problems. I felt that going for unrealiable torture instantly without even considering the possibility of better methods felt too much like Shezza was trying to forcibly show how "nasty" Harry can be. Though perhaps this is something only I felt was "off" and others disagree, thats fine. I admit its not exactly a huge thing but I pointed it out anyway and let Shezza decide whether or not to do anything about it.

 

You all seem to forget that Legilimency needs eye contact. It's not that hard to avoid that. It is much harder to avoid Cruciatus Curse when you are bound, though.

Ah, and Dumbledore doesn't want to dirty his hands. For all we know, the only time he used Legilimency in Shezza's stories was in the end of 4th year, when he was 100% sure he used it against enemy. And, if i recall correctly, he used Veritaserum in canon.

 

The fake-Moody in Shezzas story was not able to do that. You could always freeze someone with magic though, no avoiding eye-contact that way.

And what eactly would dirty his hands more? Relatively harmless Legilimency? Or having Harry physically torture someone on his orders?

 

Obviously, legilimency, what Harry does makes his hands dirty, not Dumbledore's.

For fake-Moody, I was under impression that it's pretty hard to break eye-contact with skilled legilimens.

 

I think a combination of the two would be best. Legilimency to gain information, torture to make sure that if the person knows Occlumency, they cannot concentrate enough to muster it.

 

If not for Dumbledore, Harry would never have captured the guy in the first place. Everything Harry is doing here is under Dumbledores orders and as such he also has some responsibility about whats happening here.

That might work best.