Title: What if god was one of us
Author: Dorian Windslasher
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure
DLP Category: The Alternate's
Summary: A story that revolves around several "What if?" It's AU. What if the boy who lived was, in fact, the girl who lived? What if "Harry" never befriended Ron on the train? What if the powers higher than those of Voldemort decided to meddle in the conflict?
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4556042/1/What_is_god_was_one_of_us

Seeing as I've been flamed to hell, I'll give the story another edit and we'll see where that leaves it.
But if people would be as kind as to not flame the story to hell cause I misspelt qualdron. Sometimes Microsoft Word is not to be trusted.

Thanks to the admin who corrected some things about the fic. I'll be looking at the stickes before making a new thread.

 

...lolwat?

EDIT: Ok. You got me. I read it. ... ... ...

0/5 - Utter failure.

 

Oh Lord God almighty, please save us.

I'm not even gonna bother rating this.

 

Be gentle? In your case, its like an eighteen year old girl walking into the inner Baltimore City, in nothing but a thong and whipped cream.

Your title needs capitalization. Please don't make Hannah a nun or sumshit, serving Jesus who just happens to be a wizard.

 

...

Follow the posting format, shithead. Read the stickies and rules before making threads, and look before posting to doublecheck there isnt a thread already.

 

‘Now, Miss Potter, I will take you to a pub called The Leaking Qualdron. It is a quick famous pub, which leads to Diagon alley.’


ARRGH


You story doesn't seem all that interesting, too, by the way.

 

This is such a terrible idea. I can't believe I'm even posting in this thread, it's so horrible.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epow4VXhnW0

I'll just watch the music video and consider it to be the equivalent of reading the fic.

 

This... is... amazing...

I mean, talk about amazing and ironic writing.

GET IN THE KITCHEN BITCH

Incredible canon accuracy. STUPENDOUS.

GRIPHOOK!

I'd do more, but I ran out of adjectives. 5/5.

 

Oh, that one just wanted to be raped... no better answer than that lol..

 

Fuck you Mindless, stole my reviews.

Anyway, fuck the haters. You get my vote for Best Comedy Story. I will of course, give some reasons why.

Such cruel, cruel torture. They should consult you for the next Saw film. Srsly.

Fem!Harry is Fem- owait.

While I adore your dictation and punctuation (it almost resembles Rowling's), this documentation is a damnation with all this fabrication. Devastation strikes me, dear newb.

My knot is hard after reading this sentence. And good to know McGonagall wears a suit.

/me remembers the 5th movie.

She can read it after ripping it up? This bitch is like, uber!witch.

OHMAHGAWD! NO WAI! I love counting slowly up to 180 as well! It gives me so much sexual pleasure I have orgasms at every third point. Last time when I reached 140, I had a surprise one. It was that good!

Smart little bugger figured it out. Pity he didn't tell her.

I'm sorry, lol, but I just had to mention this as well. What's the Qualdron's track record? Is he the fastest pub in the district?

Does. Not. Compute.

I drive my feet with brain mechanics.

Honestly? Your story sucks. The writing style sucks. Fem!Harry sucks. Characterization sucks. Stealing almost the entire chapter from the books and replacing Harry with Hannah and 'he' with 'she sucks. Spelling sucks. Paragraphing sucks. You, in general, suck.

However, I laughed my fucking ass off at times. Make this a parody fic and I'll applaud you.

 

Was it good suck or bad suck?

 

So, you advertise your own story, eh? That's quite lame, the whole point of recommending fics is recommending fics written by OTHERS. Uh, that and these fics being WORTHY of such a recommendation.

I didn't read past first 3 or 4 paragraphs, I saw no point. Style is lame, word repetition is mountain-high, the only good thing I saw there was name, thank god you didn't think of "Harriet(ta)". By the way, rephrasing the canon is one of most annoying things writer can do.

Have you copy-pasted whole blocks of text from book one .pdf file?

Overall, on the "plus" side, no slash, and even if, it would be fem!slash. It's easier to write what's wrong: poor writing, copying parts of the original books, boring narrative (when not borrowed from JKR), and audacity to recommend your own fic. 1/5

Forgot to add: I don't see this story neither in The Library nor in The Recycling Bin. What about Hall of Shame?

 

No. Just no.

First chap is pretty much the first chapters or so copy and pasted with the names and pronouns changed and in some cases *points to above* not even.

Also single quote for when people are talking? Really? Really? No. It's "..." not '...'. Single for thought or for a quote within a dialogue.<-- correct me if I'm wrong people. Yes, I know single for thought might be up to preference but for him, he's using it to denote dialogue.

 

If god where one of the admins he/she would move this 'story' to Hall of Shame...

Oh, and Kensington, that song was perfect.

 

My reaction to this abomination is similar to the disgust that members of Gryffindor House had in Clell's Oops:

Spoiler

“Sorry Harry. I’m not sure of the details; all I know is that I got woke up this morning by Ginny Weasley screaming from your bed.”

“What the holy hell was she doing in my bed?”

A wide grin spread across Dean’s face. “Well, I don’t know for certain, but when Seamus and I got there, she and Ron were both in your bed naked as Jaybirds.”

“What?”

“Honest to god.” Dean said knowing that as a Muggle raised wizard Harry would accept that.

“Oh, that’s just… just… His own sister? In my bed?” Harry looked more than a little disgusted “Dobby?”

There was a quiet pop and Dobby appeared at Harry’s side. “Yes Harry Potter sir? How can Dobby help the Great Harry Potter Sir?”

Dobby, could you please change the linins on my bed? And the drapes? For that matter could you replace the mattress?”

The elf nodded. “Dobby hear what Weezys do and already replace Harry Potter Sir’s entire bed. Dobby sad to hear what Weezys do. Dobby hoped that Weezys not do that anymore, but…” the elf sighed sadly. “Theys do.”

 

You lost me at "Religious Theme". Honestly, it's been said before several times, in detail, but your story is shit. I thought I was a bad writer, but no, you are in an entirely different league of suck.

Oh, and out of curiosity, did you actually expect to get any positive reviews (aside from the sarcastic variety) when you posted this? And did you really think we would give a shit about your 'please be gentle' request? If you're going to post a shitty story, at least have the balls to not pre-emptively plead for mercy.

If it was possible, I would give you a -5000000000000/5. Since it's not, I'll settle for a 1/5.

P.S. You suck at life. Go find a razor blade or something and kindly remove yourself from the gene pool.

 

HoS, fo' sho.

Deleting this thread would be a tragedy, but we can't allow it into the Library or even the Bin.

You suck.