Seemed more appropriate here than in Politics, since it's kind of spammy.

I'll start :awesome

McCain was introduced at the convention last night by his wife -- I won't say 'trophy wife' -- but she did have $300,000 worth of clothes and jewelry on, no matter to the party of the little guy. But Cindy McCain talked about how his character, honor and integrity made him the exact kind of married man she was looking to pick up at a bar. - Bill Maher

Cindy McCain appeared at the Republican National Convention, and Vanity Fair took a look at an outfit she wore. The magazine priced it out at around $300,000. With that kind of money, you could buy an 11th house. - Jimmy Kimmel

It turns out the Chinese faked part of the opening ceremonies. They made the fireworks look more lively. It's the same technology they use for John McCain. - Craig Ferguson

Congratulations to John McCain, he wrapped up the Republican nomination this week. And we know this is official now because Mike Huckabee dropped out and said he was joining forces with John McCain. Oh, great, you've got one guy who doesn't believe in evolution, and another guy who remembers it. - Bill Maher - LOL!

All in all, this was a great first day for the convention, but, of course, the media did their best to try to ruin it by callously revealing a private matter in the Palin family, namely that Governor Sarah Palin's eldest daughter is named Bristol. Have you no shame, media? That's nobody's business. That is a private pain, meant to be kept between Bristol, and Track, and Willow, and Piper, and Trig Paxon, and let's say Snackchip and Toejam. - Stephen Colbert.

And how about the other woman at the convention? How about the new star of the Republican party, Ms. Sarah Palin? Wow. The media loves her. The headlines were all 'Palin delivered.' I said, another baby? - Bill Maher

Five kids? Does anyone in that party understand the concept of pulling out? - Bill Maher

John McCain's VP pick is the governor of Alaska, a unknown hockey mom named Sarah Palin that no one ever heard of. The only other job she had in politics was the mayor of a small town known as Wasilla, Alaska, and now she has the opportunity to be on a ticket opposite of Barack Obama, the first black man she's ever seen. - Bill Maher

If Cindy McCain were a plane, Sarah Palin would sell her on eBay. - Jimmy Kimmel

And how are you going to be the vice president of the United States with five kids to take care of? She's got a four-month-old of her own, she's about to become a grandmother, and she's partnered with John McCain. How many diapers can one woman possibly change? - Jimmy Kimmel

One of the big themes for convention speakers was that we need to elect a Republican that will go in and clean up the mess in Washington. I think that’s a great lesson for kids -- always clean up your own mess. - Jimmy Kimmel - LOL!

As you all know by now, Barack Obama sent out a cell phone text message at 3 a.m. on Saturday morning to tell everyone he picked Joe Biden as his vice president. How do you think this makes Hillary Clinton feel, huh? Finally, she gets a telephone call at 3 a.m., it's to tell her they picked Joe Biden. - Jay Leno

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land - Jon Stewart.

Barack Obama gave a speech in Germany and 200,000 people showed up. There were so many Germans shouting and screaming that France surrendered just in case. - Craig Ferguson.

 

I found them pretty funny, good burns.

 

Ninja-Title edit so I can post some epic FDR quotes:

 

"Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off." - Powell.

 

Doesn't mean the bubble isn't inflating there.

 

"CNN has to get rid of that voter reaction graph, at least when McCain's on. I keep glancing at the TV and thinking he's dead." - Maher, New Rules, October 10. :awesome

"Vietnam's economy is a mix of capitalism and communism... just like ours. Vietnam, you'll love it long time!"

"Mr. McCain, you preface all your sentences with 'My friends..' if you're truly my friend, can I crash at one of your 13 houses for a while? Because the bank just took mine, thanks for the regulation numbnuts."