It was awesome 4/5 would of been better if it was a full sized story.

 

This was pretty fun. I didn't really expect that attitude from Susan, but the smut factor was done realistically enough. A full story around this idea could be fun, but it also works well as a stand-alone piece. 4/5 from me.

 

Now this was delicious.

Susan was infuriatingly hot. I have this sudden need to dig some Harry/Susan fics. Were there any good ones out there?

Solid 5/5 too.

 

Loved how Harry was knocked down a few pegs by Susan.

At first, I started to sympathized with Harry, then realized that this isn't fanon!Harry. He was the kid who got lucky. Just had to read it again to start really understanding from Susan's point of view.

The story left me wanting. 4/5 for me.

 

I'm can see a rise in the output of Harry/Susan fics is in DLP's future. This really would be a great novel length fic.

 

Now, if this turned into a novel, I could enjoy it.

As it is, in the one shot... didn't like it so much, since it basically went nowhere.

3/5 for me.

 

Meh. I had my fill of LuckyIneptTwat!Harry when JKR wrote it.

 

I was more thinking along the ideas of Harry learning to fight properly, with some sort of fluffy fun interaction and excellent characterization between Harry and Susan.

 

True. But it was still enjoyable.

 

I have to agree. The writing is very good, the idea awesome and the characterization well done. Still, the whole thing appears to have no point at all. 3/5

 

This.

If I wanted to read a rant about how much Harry sucked, I'd read a rant, not a fic. Moreover, Harry isn't that inept. He's average at most magic, but the one thing he is good at is duelling, more so than many adult wizards. At the end of HBP he could beat most Death Eaters, Death Easters who gave the Ministry trouble. It's also true that he taught the DA well, including Susan. The inclusion of Seamus, who is even more average than Harry is, just makes it seem even worse.

So the whole set-up is troublesome, but even ignoring that the sex just comes out of nowhere. Stuff like that only happens in the dreams of horny young men. So this, in the end, is a PWP fic with a bit of window dressing that looks okay at first, but when you think about it collapses.

And as PWP it isn't very good either. I didn't find it hot in any shape or form. I was just bored.

Its sole redeeming feature is the quality of the writing.

2/5.

 

This is the Harry who spent his evenings in a tent, pining for Ginny Weasley, while Susan and the others needed to prosper in a hostile environment.

Still, Harry has always been good at practical work, and out-of-the-box thinking. The arrogance he displayed here was far from endearing, and not canon compliant at all.

I agree with Taure on the sex front, the story stands on its own without it.

All that being said, the writing style was excellent and I enjoyed the characterisation, aside from Harry's. It kept me entertained enough, but I don't think it deserves a place in the DLP Library.

3/5

 

Untrue. JKR just gave him a +10000000 Luck bonus to him.

 

On his way to being wtfpwn'd by Snape he took down 2-3 Death Eaters.

A luck bonus, every time he duels? Not likely. Harry has good duelling instincts, very good ones in fact. He just is good at it instinctively. People always overestimate, I think, the natural capabilities of wizards at duelling. It's not like a physical fight. If someone is shooting spells at you, I should imagine that the normal instinct is for the mind to go completely blank. "Fight or flight" is the response, not "fight or flight or use your mental abilities to use magic to save yourself". When he fought Voldemort in GoF just shows that Harry has a good predisposition for duelling. That he was even able to get a single spell off is a miracle.

It's like what Harry said to the DA. When you're in a situation like that, to a great extent your knowledge of magic is useless. It's not about pulling off impressive spells. It's about keeping a cool head, the will to act. And that's what Harry has in spades. It's only after this that magical skill even begins to matter. There's no point knowing a thousand different ways to eviscerate people if you're no good at acting under pressure.

 

Where does he learn to fight? Apparently, sex is the answer to everything.

^

2/5

 

In HBP? When was that?

 

He took out "the brute faced Death Eater", Fenrir Greyback, Amycus, an unknown Death Eater near Hagrid's hut, before being completely owned by Snape.

That's 4 Death Eaters, or 3 if you don't count Fenrir, 2 if you don't count Fenrir or Amycus, who he took down jointly with Ginny.

 

Right after Dumbles kicked the bucket.

Wouldn't call them fair fights though, but using and creating outside factors is also a big part of victory.