Those that hate Harry/Hermione will probably like the chapter less than those that can stomach it. Or the fanboys.

I thought Lavender was handled well. She's sexy, for lack of a better word. It's so hard to pick which girl I want Harry to end up with. I guess that's why I enjoy the story.

The Flitwick - Harry interaction was brilliant. It wouldn't work for you in every chapter, but dropping it every now and then is a perfect way to pass time in the story, and it also shows Harry's gradual improvement.

Slughorn and Dumbledore's parts in this chapter were good. Not strong, but good.

One thing I wanted to point out is this part:

I don't like the way you break your paragraphs up sometimes. Either the paragraph is long and flowing, and well-written, or horribly short and fragmented.

Those three paragraphs could have been one flowing paragraph. When you put the space in between them, it causes the reader to pause, but there's no real reason to.

Just nitpicking, I'm sure, but hopefully it will help you to cut those type of mistakes out in the future.

The story is almost a 5/5. Really. Keep up the good work, bud.

 

A nice new chapter.

Okay, Horcrux ideas:

1. We know that Rookwood was an Unspeakable. Taking into account the secretive nature of their work, and the limited access to the Department of Mysteries, perhaps Rookwood could have been instructed by Voldemort to hide a Horcrux there. It would be a good place to hide Ravenclaw's tiara, and you could add in a sub-plot about how Rowena's ancestors were the first Unspeakables, pushing the boundaries of magic as far as they could. In this respect, Harry discovers the hiding place, but it's hidden under experimental magic, which leaves Hermione, Padma and Su to use their collective intellects to discover it. Read Tinn Tam's "Song of the Trees" for an example of crazy shit you can do with the Department of Mysteries.

2. This may be a bit of a cliche, but perhaps within the Chamber of Secrets itself? Voldemort may think it secure, considering he thought himself the only one to know Parseltongue. Also, with the extensive knowledge of the school, perhaps he quickly, on his way back from his interview for the DADA opening, quickly hid the Horcrux (the cup?) under a few hastily constructed charms. This could also tie into a potential sub-plot of Horcruxes having a sort of magnetic attraction between them, as the unnatural things they are attempting to become whole. This could be explained as to why the Diary took Ginny to the Chamber, when there are plenty of areas within the school where it could have taken here and hidden her. Maybe once Harry finds the cup, he discovers the attraction, and uses it as an indicator of sorts for finding other Horcruxes.

I'm sure I'll have more ideas tomorrow. The Seventh Horcrux by Melindaleo does have some good ideas, but is pretty gay in parts. I wasn't exactly fond of the hiding places, since they all followed the same form, with fighting a magical creature to win the Horcrux.

Black Comedy by Nonjon, however, had some great ideas for hiding places.

 

I liked that chapter. But then, I'm an H/Hr shipper, so that's to be expected.

I like the fact the the characters you chose are fallible. That some may not actually take the plunge with Harry. It's good to see that they have fears and weaknesses. In some way, it shows why Harry's so special. While others would falter, Harry still pushes foward.

Slughorn scene was great. I thought the guilt trip would have been the way to go when I first read HBP. I couldn't believe Harry had to use the Felix potion when Slughorn was obviously so wishy-washy. Back Slughorn into a moral corner then hammer him with guilt. Nice move.

 

For the latter, I'd say Harry is morally obligated to tell the group. We know he'll blame himself if he gets them killed, so he wants to give them the chance to leave. But I can see where you're coming from... I've written the scene already, so I probably won't change it, though. I've got a solution to the former, however.

@ Sesc. I've never heard of that fic so I'll give it a read. As long as this Ginny characterisation isn't unbearable, I'll get through it. I was also recommended to Bungle In The Jungle, which I still have yet to get around to reading.

Hmm. I'll give some more thought to how I lay out the shorter paragraph in the future, certainly. I rarely know when to separate my paragraphs and do the one liner ones, so I'm basically taking stabs in the dark on each. My grammar is by far not my strongest point. Thanks for the other comments, too.

@ Voice. I certainly like the former idea - I'll give "Song of the Trees" a read. The former is definitely borderlining cliche' these days, so I probably won't do something with the Chamber. I'll have a look at 'A Black Comedy" too.


Looks like I've a bit of readin' to do. Best get down to it. Thanks everyone.

 

Two quick things that popped out at me.

One is the misuse of the word adverse*, since multiple people have made this error in this thread.

The other is the confusion some people have with extenuate/accentuate. It actually surprises me how often I see this one, since neither is exactly an ultra-commonly used word.

Extenuate = mitigate, to reduce the severity of something or make light of it

Accentuate = emphasize, to accent, intensify, or place emphasis upon something

​

The words sound vaguely similar, which is funny since they nearly mean the exact opposite of each other.

So if Lavender was wearing a corset, she'd be trying to accentuate her bust. The point in your story was that the school robes do nothing to accentuate her chest, because they are too concealing.

If Harry got caught groping that bust, but claimed he was just giving her a standard breast exam, then he is trying to extenuate what happened**. Hence the term 'extenuating circumstances', which is probably most commonly heard in television courtroom dramas.

I shoot you because I don't like your face = Murder
I shoot you because you broke into my house wearing a ski-mask = extenuating circumstances

As Clint Eastwood once sang (though he certainly wasn't the first), "You've got to Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive..."

Since I see this complaint here all the time, I'll just say that, yes, referring to Voldemort as 'Moldywart' and shit like that all the time does come across as infantile.

On the other hand, if the allies could refer to German soldiers as 'Jerries', then occasionally referring to Voldemort as 'Tommy' or 'Voldie' once in a while, instead of always calling him what he wants to be called isn't exactly a high crime.

As with any other term, if you use it constantly in lieu of all other alternatives, it begins to get tiresome. I get tired of typing it over and over, and I'm sure the reader gets tired of seeing it over and over. I can easily see Harry presiding over a planning session and saying, "What do our informants say old Voldie is up to now?", rather than saying 'Voldemort' for the millionth time that evening. It doesn't make him sound immature or less credible. The Devil has many names.

If you're going to exclude all of the shortened, insulting forms of his name, you'd might as well always call him Mr. Tom Riddle Jr. or The Dark Lord Voldemort (Esquire ).

Why so serious? There's a lot of ground to cover between Tom Riddle and Moldywart, which I feel can be trod without sounding silly.

By that same token, I think Harry can be forgiven for calling his headmaster (and chief tormentor, if you want to be truthful) things like 'Dumbles', 'Old Goat', or the ever-truthful 'Manipulative Old Bastard', in the occasional fit of frustration.


*Everyone would do well to check out the other link on that page.

**and I doubt McGonagall would buy it.

 

Quite right, Warlocke. Evidently I did not realis that I had that wrong. I also had that happen before with 'definitely' and 'defiantly' back in year six or seven. Thanks for the correction.

 

Just finished this today after the latest update & I have to say, it's a good read. I'm not particularly fussed by the ship(s) throughout the story, because overlal the plot and Harry breaking away from Dumbledore & the Ministry has finally been done correctly.

The only thing that irks me is when harry goes to Dumbledore over something. Yes, he's a Prefect now & as such has to follow the rules, but he's supposed to working with ust his own little tight knit group... saying that, the only 'Dumbledore help' moments have been related to Harry being a prefect or about Malfoy/inny so i uess it'll slide..

All in all, lookin forward to chapter 24.

 

It hath been updated. Too close to work for me to read, but the title intrigues me.

 

Things are definitely heating up. The writer introduced a lot of new twists in the last chapter, some that were completely unexpected. I don't want to spoil anything for those that haven't read the new chapter, but I think it was a very good chapter without a lot of filler.

 

“There’s another Parselmouth at Hogwarts.”

Lame.

 

I would not go that far, although I am hoping that the author will not ascribe it to Ron imitating the sounds Harry made (several years ago, in fact) to get into the Chamber. I will reserve judgement on the Parselmouth bit until it is resolved.

 

I forgot to put that in the end A/N. The only way to gain access to the Chamber of Secrets is by being a Parselmouth and not imitating it like Ron did in DH.

 

It's only lame if the Parselmouth turns out to be Ginny (via 2nd year horcrux rape).

 

Or a mysterious new transfer student from the United States.

 

A good chapter, although I was surprised that only one person left the group. I was expecting two, and you can guess who I though was going to be the second. You didn't mention this in the chapter, but is Katie in the 'rookie' DA Harry has restarted? Or is she just too embarrassed. Personally, I think it would seem rather odd to her friends (the ignorant ones) if she didn't show, but that's your call.

I don't know if you're still taking suggestions for Horcrux locations and whatnot, but I have a few suggestions, although they sound kind of silly to me. Anyway, if I was a megalomaniac with a superiority complex like Voldemort, I would literally scatter the keys to my immortality to the far corners of the world. Something like one horcux at the North and South poles, and one under an ocean somewhere. I just think Voldemort would like the grand fact that two of his soul pieces are anchored at the planet's poles, and I always picture a kind of corrupted and perverted Fortress-of-Solitude-like structure to house it. You could also throw in the fact that certain magics behave oddly and unpredictably at the far fringes of the planet for kicks. Also, I can't imagine that Voldemort wouldn't have placed enchantments on his hiding places that would notify him immediately if someone ventured into it.

Finally, though this isn't a realistic suggestion, because if it happened, Harry would be screwed. It would be a nice laugh if Voldemort managed to send a horcrux into deep space.

 

No.

Absolutely not.

Yeah, the second person's kinda' on the edge at the moment. And no, Katie didn't turn up. I'll make an edit on that. I figure she'd be too embarrassed to make an appearance after leaving the group.


I've two Horcrux places in mind, one of which is constantly mobile, but yes, I'm open to suggestions. I'll certain keep those in mind, Voice. Space, though, would be a little impossible...

Harry Potter: the Astronaut.

 

Well, just finished reading the entire story and I'm very impressed by it. One of the few stories that actually takes the time to have very well done character portrayals and while that may take to long for some readers I like it a lot. I left a full review on PC, however I'd say the story gets about 4.5/5.

 

Sooooo.... This just updated.

Was not expecting that.

Thoughts on the new bit later. Just thought that everyone who'd taken this off their alert list because they thought it was abandoned would like to know.

 

Scary's alive? D8

 

Ah , yes finally.
Goes to read.