Good enough for me.

I certainly can't please everyone and, in my mind, this story can't be written without tweaking canon characters (i.e. Konan and Pain) - neither can any "adopted by" story.

A believable yet not completely AU story with Akatsuki!Naruto can't be written without bringing the top players on board, and this was the only way to do it from my perspective.

 

Chapter 8 is up.

 

Good stuff. Part of it was a review of canon events but it flowed well.

A couple of points - I thought that Orochimaru was not revealed as the leader of Sound until the 3rd round preliminaries had started, when he accosted Kakashi. In fact his presence in Konoha was not registered or even suspected till the discovery of the dead Kusa-genin. But here, Sandaime and Danzou knew about Orochimaru being the head of Sound. Also, the way Sandaime refered to Killer Bee, it seemed he knew about Bee's status as Kumo's senior jinchchuriki. It seems a bit hard to believe that such knowledge would be widely known - after all, nobody seemed to know that Gaara was Suna's jinchchuriki. But since there is not enough evidence in canon one way or another on this point anyway, it's moot.

I liked what you have done with Hinata's character, too. It suits her to be inspired by others: in this case Lee. Also, you've established clearly Naruto's targets - Sasuke and Gaara. I suppose you are planning even Orochimaru to be on his agenda in some way since they are clashing on Sasuke? Can't wait for the actual fights to start.

 

You're absolutely right about the info not being given to the readers until much later in the manga, but my story is told from a bit of a different perspective.

In my mind, there's no way in hell that Konoha could not know that Orochimaru is the leader of Sound. If Jiraiya spent so much time trailing him after he left Konoha that he managed to stumble upon a secret organization like Akatsuki, then I can't believe that Orochimaru could start his own village without Jiraiya and therefore Sarutobi finding out. It just makes no sense whatsoever.

Also, I made it clear in Chapter 1 that it is almost impossible to hide the fact that a person is a jinchuuriki in my (slightly AU?) world. If everyone in Konoha knows that Naruto is one than everyone in the ninja world knows it too, seeing as it's filled with spies being a ninja village and all. Killer Bee is old enough and prominent enough (S-ranked easily) that his status as a jinchuuriki is also well documented.

As far as Gaara's status in the manga, I don't think it was explicitly stated either way until he fought Naruto, but that was most likely to build suspense for the reader more than anything by indicating that he had some mysterious power. The fact that the Kazekage tried to have him killed many times and that Gaara kills villagers from time to time should be enough to clue other nations in on what is going on with him - especially considering who he is (Kage's son) and the fact that Suna possesses Shukaku.

 

Howdy:

This definitely felt like a filler, build-up chapter.

Not that that's bad, because those are necessary in good stories.

But I am eagerly waiting for chapter 9 to get back to some action.

Looking at the beginning, with Pain saying the Chuunin Exam mission is his last as a Rain Country ninja, and other inferences made about Naruto interacting with Konoha....

I can only speculate that perhaps Pain has decided to loan Naruto out as an independent agent for a while. He's in Konoha in disguise to watch out for Gaara, Orochimaru, and Sasuke.

Gaara, because he's a jinchuuriki, Orochimaru, because Akatsuki has unfinished business with him, and Sasuke becuase of Madara and having to at least keep apprised on the status of the only loyal Uchiha.

It does seem like, with your Sarutobi interlude in chapter 8, that the reason for the Uchiha Massacre will be like in canon, on Sarutobi's orders, as Sarutobi does say 'poor Itachi', which seems to infer that he feels that Sasuke is fixating his anger quite negatively when Itachi is a true patriot, even if no one knows it.

And I have to agree, Sarutobi was quite naive in his handling or mishandling of Naruto. You have him reflecting on what-ifs and how he would be better. If Naruto and Sarutobi ever interact openly again, I'm not looking for Sarutobi-hate, but at least have Naruto cognizant that the old man didn't do right by him.

Deal with Sarutobi in a realistic manner. 'Once burned, twice shy' kind of mentality.

Thoughts?

 

Much like the first few chapters of the story, it was one.

Certainly not the most captivating chapter of the story, but what I wrote needed to be said and I did my best to skim through the tedious bits.

Concerning the Uchiha Massacre - I'm trying to keep this story as close to canon as humanly possible, so any events that occurred without any direct interaction on the part of Naruto can pretty much be assumed to conform to canon.

I can't comment on much else without giving the story away, but you are right in assuming that Naruto has a long laundry list of things to do while in Konoha - only a few items of which you mentioned.

 

Sarutobi didn't treat Naruto any worse than he treated other orphans. In fact, he treated Naruto better than the others. The Hokage didn't magically have any duty to make Naruto's life perfect.

 

While I do agree with you somewhat, I would say that Naruto being a jinchuuriki and the son of Minato should count for something.

As a jinchuuriki Naruto is automatically made a ninja asset and therefore a valuable ward of the state. I also find it hard to believe that no one was willing to take Naruto in after he was orphaned - assuming people knew just who he was.

If other shinobi who knew Minato and Kushina and knew Naruto was their son existed then I find it impossible to believe that he would have been left alone for so long. Not all ninjas in Konoha looked down on him due to his jinchuuriki status.

In other words, I believe that Naruto's ostricization from the rest of Konoha was due to a contrivance designed by Minato and Sarutobi in order to protect his identity as a Hokage's son. They didn't intentionally mean to make his life miserable, but they couldn't treat him that differently from others.

The Hokage gave more attention to Naruto than he did to others in order to partially make up for the life Naruto was forced to live.

It wouldn't make much sense for the Hokage to sit back and allow Naruto to be persecuted for performing a public service while doing nothing to aid the boy.

If Naruto was a utility of the village of Konoha, then the abuse the villagers lay on him would be the wear and tear on Naruto and the Hokage's friendship and protection would be the upkeep necessary to keep that utility working.

Basically Sarutobi did owe Naruto something and did the best that he thought he could. In canon his efforts turn out to be sufficient while in my story they do not and Sarutobi carries the burden of his mistake with him.

 

But Sarutobi had a responsibility.

I doubt other orphans were treated as lepers or kicked out of stores or called 'monster' or 'demon'.

Re-read the first chapter, especially the Sarutobi part towards the bottom. I got the feeling that Naruto was out-of-sight out-of-mind for Sarutobi. Naruto didn't even come up clearly in his thoughts until Danzo came in and said that Naruto's ANBU detail was sloppy.

Also look at the Konan part in chapter 1. Sarutobi made the law to protect Naruto, supposedly, but never really enforced it as he shoukld have, so every ninja village knew Naruto's name and specifics.

He dropped the ball with Naruto and chose the path of least resistance. He even admits it to himself in chapter 8, that his childish belief in the villagers 'better natures' led to Naruto's disappearance.

Continuing on this for a second....

It's stated in the first chapter that Kakashi knew who Naruto was, as did Danzo. Presumably others could have found out, had they decided to look past the automatic Kyuubi='Monster' connection.

Konan did. She came to the realization that Naruto was the Yondaime's son awfully quick. They look too much like one another for anything but blood relation. It's stupidity or holding on to prejudice that prevents others from seeing the connection too.

And Howdy?

Hokage's friendship? Hokage's protection? Naruto obviously didn't have enough of it, seeing as how Konan reflected on chapter 1 on seeing 3 ANBU watch Naruto getting hit in the stomach with a broom and kicked out of a store and hanging back. She was said to wonder how long they would hold back while the boy was confronted by hateful people. That was a large part of the reason she decided to take him from Konoha.

Having the greater community abuse Naruto and then the old man being the 'one friend who understands him', that seems actually kind of insidious and manipulative in a way, even for ninja.

Thoughts?

 

Minato openly took Naruto into the battlefield and painted sigils into his stomach. Every shinobi in Konoha forces had to know what had happened and so it was simply impossible to keep it secret.

 

“Hm, probably just some animals playing up in the trees.” It was time to see what the boy really thought about his situation. “Naruto, you said that the people in the village are mean to you. Do you know why?” She was sure that he didn’t. The Third had enacted a rather ineffective law after the Kyuubi attack that the boy’s status was not to be discussed in front of those who didn’t already know the truth. This, however, was hardly followed and as a result every ninja village in the shinobi world had a file on one Uzumaki Naruto. She supposed the Third, or old man as Naruto called him, did it for the sake of the boy, but in the end it was a token gesture at best. Surely Naruto had picked up on the villagers’ rants over the years, though he wouldn’t understand them just yet.

HotH, Chapter 1

Here's my proof. It was not so much Minato doing the ritual in the open as Sarutobi not manning up and sticking to the letter of his law. Because he was soft on enforcement, anybody and everybody in the shinobi world knows about Naruto. His status as the jinchuuriki is listed for all to see in Minato's Bingo Book resume.

“Namikaze Minato? The Fourth Hokage - SS-ranked ninja of Konohagakure, also known as the Yellow Flash. Hero of the Third Great Secret World War. Sealer of the Nine-Tailed Fox into its current container, Uzumaki Naruto. Hero of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. I know all of this already, Konan.”

“His son.”

Pain looked up from the book. “Pardon?”

“He sealed the Kyuubi into Uzumaki Naruto, his son.”

HotH, Chapter 3

Thoughts?

 

Don't be ridiculous. Every other major village must have spies in Konoha, and spies, generally speaking, don't obey laws. Besides, the letter of the law was obeyed even if its spirit was not.

Also, that excerpt isn't from a Konoha Bingo Book. They wouldn't list their own ninja there, now would they?

 

Oh I agree that in canon, Jiraiya knew that Orochimaru was the head of sound. But what I don't see is Jiraiya telling Sarutobi that. If I remember right, it was Sandaime who told Anko (after her confrontation with Orochimaru in the forest of death) that there was no one in the village that could fight Orochimaru equally. He certainly would not have said that if Jiraiya was in contact with him because Jiraiya certainly could fight Oro equally i.e., stand and even chance of besting him.

Somehow I think Kishimoto made a mess of things there. It's like the Stupefy spell in HP. If it existed why did Sirius and Remus not use it on Peter at the end of POA? Simple - it had not been introduced yet in the story. Similarly, why did Jiraiya in canon, not tell Sandaime about Oro and Sound? He had not been introduced in the story yet.

But you've addressed this in HotH and your version is the believeable one. It stands to reason that Jiraiya would do his best to keep Sandaime well informed 'cuz he's not the type to hold a grudge. But now that you have brought Jiraiya's information gathering into the picture, you'd have to include him in the proceedings between Sandaime and Oro, wouldn't you? I mean, it's hardly possible that he gathers information on Oro and passes it on to Sarutobi, but choses to stay away from the conflict he surely knows is coming; not when he knows that Sarutobi is no match for Oro.

 

Remember that Jiraiya was in the village at the time of Orochimaru's invasion and that he did participate in the battle - destroying some very large summons that the ninja called upon.

Jiraiya must have known what was going on in canon, yet chose to step in elsewhere. There's something to be said for allowing Sarutobi to choose to fight on his terms, and I think that Jiraiya respected that.

There was also the fact that those summons weren't going to be taken down by anyone else, too. Jiraiya went where he knew he was needed.

 

Hmmm, have to agree with you there. Looking forward to seeing what you do with all the fighting and stuff...

 

Howdy....

I've been doin' some thinkin'...

This latest chapter title, 'Twilight Zone', beyond what was said before by myself and others about what this chapter could have held in store for us readers, something else has come to mind.

In the context of this story, and perhaps in the context of canon as well, although I am gettig philosophical with this...

'Twilight Zone', as in the twilight of the current order, the twilight for Sarutobi, if he dies in this one, the twilight of the current peace as Orochimaru and others usher in a new age of aggression?

(I just watched the music video for 'Money for Nothing' by Dire Straights. I fucking love it, although I can't tell yet what the title has to do with the flow of the story yet.)

Thoughts, Howdy?

 

Well, Twilight Zone was more of a pick due to Naruto being thrown into a situation far removed from what he was used to - far removed from where we were at in the first arc of the story. It was a rather dark first arc in my mind. This one is in Konoha - which despite everything is a generally friendly place.

In other words, the chapter title was in reference to the change in scenery and general feel of the story in my mind.

As far as the next chapter goes...

You can't think of anyone who gets money for nothing and chicks for free?

 

I really don't like, for a foreign ninja Kakashi seems too chummy with Naruto, especially his reaction to hearing about Sasuke's fight. It just doesn't seem plausible. Hinata a little easier, but isn't he supposed to look scary, or is he not extremely demonically so for a ninja? Is it not annoying or threatening for everyone that he gives out nothing other than "Yellow," which incidentally sounds like a poor name.

EDIT: No suggestion for name, sorry.

 

Kakashi is a laid back guy, and probably wouldn't feel threatened or ill at ease with a teenage genin. Just consider how he reacted towards characters like Zabuza, Baki, or even Akatsuki.

He doesn't lose his cool and isn't one for posturing.


The name was supposed to be lame, as he literally made it up on the spot. He makes no excuses for it either - everyone knows it's a code name. It was meant to pay homage to Konan's "Blue" codename in chapters one and two. That's all.

 

Fair enough on the name, but consider Kakashi's characterization. I still think it's off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You have interesting eyes.”

Barely sparing the man a glance, Naruto answered. “So do you.”

Oops.

Naruto schooled his face quickly. He hadn’t meant to say that. Though Kakashi’s Sharingan eye was well documented, it was a bit odd that a genin would be able to recall that type of information off the top of his head – especially when it concerned a ninja from a foreign village.

Kakashi just closed his eye in what Naruto supposed was an exaggerated smile. Quietly the boy mused that the white haired man must have practiced long and hard to be able to convey such emotion with just an eye.

“Fair enough.” The man turned to look at the Hokage Monument that Naruto had been carefully scrutinizing. “I noticed you looking at the Monument. It’s something, isn’t it?”

Naruto nodded slowly. “Not much like it in Rain Country.” He paused for a moment, thinking quickly to himself. What could it hurt? “I was just wondering if the Fourth Hokage always looked so stern. After all I’ve heard of him, that isn’t the picture I was expecting.”

Kakashi hummed to himself quietly, appearing to debate whether or not to answer the unasked question. “Well, sensei was certainly serious when the circumstances called for it, but I wouldn’t call him a serious man. To tell you the truth, he smiled more often than not. He was a good man and a good friend.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laid back, certainly. I expect flippant more than so candid though. It's like he's opening up more than he does to anyone else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Is the Uchiha yours, Hatake?”

Looking up from his reading, Kakashi took a moment to recognize the strange face that greeted him.

“Ah, hello again. That’s right, did something happen?”

“Not really. Your team should be on their way in a moment. The Uchiha had a sparring match with a taijutsu specialist and they’re talking with the kid’s instructor now.”

Kakashi sighed and brought the heel of his hand to his temple – supposedly to fend off a headache. “Did Sasuke at least win?”

“No, got his ass handed to him pretty badly. The green kid was damn good though.”

This was obviously not the response that Kakashi had been hoping for. He sighed again. “Alright, thanks for the update.”

“Yep.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's hard to believe they're on a first-name basis, or if this Naruto is like that, that Kakashi isn't even surprised by his boldness. "Alright, thanks for the update," and "Did Sasuke at least win?" are weird.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You have some wicked eyes there, dude.”
...
Naruto almost snorted in mirth. Almost.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't know man.