With saying that Naruto is the "Basically Naruto has given them the best possible outcome of Danzou's worst possible scenario." to the eyes of them Konoha Ninjas would seem too good for them. They are ninjas, they are used to all kinds of spies and assaults.

Having someone get taken by a powerful ninja at a young age and come back the same way he was before, when Sarutobi knows what Danzou is like... why isn't that raising an alarm?

With the Jiraiya thing, he says he doesn't trust Naruto but then starts to teach him the all powerful Yellow Flash technique I forgot how to spell. Anyways, that doesn't seem like Jiraiya is that distrustful of Naruto. Super death ball ability would be more of something he teaches Naruto after he talks to the kid more and trusts him.

 

Alright I'm confused, what the hell does Danzo have to do with that? He was "taken" by Hanzou the Salamander which is what I think you were going for, him and bandage man are two different people. Next maybe I missed something huge but where did it say Jiraiya was going to teach him the Hiraishin?

 

My fault. I used the wrong name. I meant to use Hanzou, not Danzo.

Jiraiya is teaching Naruto Rasengan. So very bad of me.

 

I do think Dethklok touched on something which should be focused on later on. The fact that "Naruto is defecting because he feel's that he is being treated like a tool". It's... out of character for the nations and (Japanese) culture at large here, and such an answer as that would immediately draw red flags and/or suspicion. That is what should stand out immediately to Sarutobi and Jiraiya more than anything else, and eventually (as in soon), they should be asking for more info on that.

 

I think that while it might be unusual in the other Elemental countries and their ninja villages, Konoha, in general, and especially Sarutobi are much more sympathetic to such a feeling. I think if we look at how much Sarutobi disapproves of Root's practice of turning ninja into tools, we can guess that he tries to make his ninjas as human as possible. Also, if we consider that Sarutobi feels like he owes Naruto because of his past mistakes he is much more inclined to be lenient and not pressure him. Same goes, to a lesser extent for Jiraiya. That's how I see it right now.

 

This.

I've had Naruto make a few observations of the Konoha genin concerning their apparent lack of shinobi-ness and this is the point I'm getting at. Konoha doesn't view its ninja as simple tools for the most part. They don't go out their way to expose their young shinobi to the harshness of ninja life - instead letting them build their own ethos and morality instead of programming them as killing machines. This was touched on in chapter 1 of my story as well.

It's the reason why there are so many clueless young ninja as well as an inordinate number of uber shinobi in Konoha.

Sarutobi would certainly be able to understand Naruto's reluctance to be treated as a simple tool for Hanzou's ambition and would be more inclined to welcome him to Konoha with Naruto's concerns being such.

 

There's also the fact that Naruto has offered to take care of Gaara for them if things go bad. Jiraya and Sarutobi realise the opportunity to counteract the Ichibi threat without risking Konoha resources. The Hokage probably sees it as a win win situation for now. Test Naruto and handle Gaara. This could be a reson why he seems so accepting. After the exams may be a different story altogether.

Just my two paise...

 

-.-

I don't have time to get into an argument, but let me put my two cents in.

We all know of the quality of the first few chapters that I liked. Namely, the first seven. The last three or four chapters however, were in a word 'painful'.

Yeah, that best describes the feeling I got while reading. While I don't mind smart ass Naruto who struts his stuff being a general dick. Was there any reason for him to be everywhere during the second part of the exam. Was his commentary everywhere really needed?

I really wouldn't have a problem with it if Naruto was being a smart ass without going out of his way to be one. But to go around all of the Konoha 12 just to show off?

No. Just no.

I also feel that you could have taken a far more original route as far as Chuunin exams go... As it is, it is little more than a canon rehash with a few new fights here and there. Oh, and the recently employed commentator.

Awesome.

I also have to ask about certain characters. IIRC, Sakura was very close to not going to the Chuunin exams because of self esteem issues. Sai and Sasuke aren't the type to help in that situation.

I'm not he biggest fan of Hinata nor will I ever be, but to change one infatuation to another...Just because she can introduce Lee who is the new awesome on team Gai? Or maybe just because her self esteem is even lower than that of canon? Either way, you already made a unimpressive character even less impressive.

I don't know why you seem to want to force a non existent connection to canon, but it is really coming out awkward in this case. If it werent for the seven previous chapter, I would have thought of you as a bashing noob and moved on.

It is really that bad.

 

Did your cat die or something?

I suppose, if you really want, that I could write an extra chapter to make Sakura and Hinata more believable and less... uh... "unimpressive."

Next chapter:

9.5: She's a Brick House by Rick James.

 

I'm going to have to agree with Bucks somewhat here and say that your fic has lost some of its luster. I understand that it would have taken a lot more work but I think you should have made the chuunin exams a bit less of a complete rehash of canon. It just seemed awkward and lazy to have a completely different Naruto suffer through the same old scenes I've seen in hundreds of fics only with a mouth to match. I could give a long winded explaination of the Butterfly Effect but you're intelligent enough to know what you blatently ignored.

On the plus side, your fic is probably one of the better written stories in the Naruto section (although, considering some of the crap that pollutes that section, it's not surprising) and I will still be reading on with baited breath. :awesome

GMM

 

I think that Howdy has reached a boiling point

And I dont think that what you are doing here guys is helping in any way. The insane amount of pure critics does not improve one's story or make it better.

I hate to tell authors what to write about. And especially how they should do this... But just as an advice, Howdy, you should really consider the point of what you are making Naruto to be. Even cannon Sai is more intresting then your Naruto. There are no emotions, no mistakes, no flaws and no challanges in front of him. Make this character alive somehow. Show his human side or maybe his ruthlessness - whatever. Just not this power lvled shade of Naruto.

 

Holy shit.

That's a low blow, sir.

Seriously, if this is what people think then maybe we'd all be better served if I scrapped the story.

But... that won't be happening.

Honestly, though. Have you no decency, man?

Mistakes, flaws, and challenges might entertain is in the short run, but would make absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever considering what I've already written.

Naruto is a powerful ninja with excellent intel and years of planning put into this mission. It's not a spur of the moment thing.

As far as emotions, I think I've already made clear that Naruto is behaving out of character for a reason. Now that he's in good with the village he won't have to be so damn pleasant to everyone.

 

Hmm...
I guess you are right. I'll just wait for next three or four chapters till the action start and see.

^)

 

I'll have you know, Sai is pretty interesting (keeps a creepy journal, gives people cool nicknames, attacks with a paintbrush). It would be more of a low blow if Naruto were less interesting than Sasuke.

 

Jesus Christ, guys. This is one of the better [best?] Naruto fics out there, and very arguably the best Akatsuki!Naruto fics on the market. At very least, one where Konan and Pain are main characters.

One [debatabely] poor chapter doesn't change that. Screw off, I'm having fun reading, even if the plot dictates that Naruto goes around fooling and pissing off the canon Konoha-ites.

 

I have to believe that their criticism is stronger since they know I'll actually read it.

You usually don't see this sort of harshness unless the story is universally disliked or the author frequents these forums.

Honestly though, I knew I needed thick skin when I signed up here, so it's not that big of a deal.

People won't give me constructive criticisms in reviews, so this is where I look for it.

The hard truth was sort of why I came here.

 

Or if people like the story but overreacts and feels like the author is taking it down the shit tube.

Personally I agree with the criticism. There were better ways of showing he wanted to help Konoha than sweeping dramatic monologues to comment on genin fights. Defections are usually bargained for if you have something of value to offer and I just couldn't see that being explained well enough.

But oh well, hopefully we won't have many more moments that hints at self-insertism.

 

I don't know if it's selfinsertism or just Howdy's opinions of the Konoha 9 showing through .

Certainly there are things we all would have done differently were we writing this. Let's hold off any further criticism until Howdy posts the next chapter anyway, so we can see where this is really headed.

 

Not sure about this.

I obviously can't say that my personal opinions don't color my characterizations in my story, but much of what I've written is how I see a person in Naruto's situation acting.

That and I don't think I've read a fic where someone ripped into Shikamaru and his team for being lazy bums.

I mean, they are pretty pathetic, even in part 2, aren't they?

 

Well, Shikamaru did solo an Akatsuki...even if it WAS Hidan. >_>