Wouldn't it just be that, from Harry's point of view, this huge book is about to fall on them and he exagerates its size in his own mind?

Awesome updates, Shezza. Nice to see them coming in so fast as well. Liked the interaction between Verrine and Dumbledore.

 

Far more likely

Chime??

I wasnt arguing for one point or the other. I was just saying 10k pages is a huge book.

 

Exactly that. If it is, then there's nothing wrong with the sentence, but I seriously doubt Harry is that unfamiliar with books to make such a misestimation (is it even a proper word?).

It is. But have you imagined how awkward to use it would be? And have you considered how much would it weight? Your standard book will have dimensions around 20x14cm, which for 10000 pages with standard paper density of 80g/1m^2 will give us 22.4 kg, which is almost 50 pounds (and we know form canon book 3 that there are no weight lightening charms on books).

Besides, if the book, probably spelled with some expansion charm, didn't look 10k pages, how could Harry, completely unfamiliar with wand-wizarding way of living, add it into estimation?

 

To quote Wash from Serenity :

Aside from that, loved the first part of the chapter.

Awesome line.

 

Or he is exaggerating like a normal person. Take for example "this shit weighs a ton" is something I have heard said. Does that mean the person believed that it was 2000 or so pounds? No it just means they thought it was fucking heavy.

 

I don't think it's the proportion of filler to battles that could use some looking into. Let me explain.

One of the biggest strengths of Denarian Renegade was that you could see that the plot was moving in a definite direction. There was this almost tangible feeling of the overarching plot. Every event had a purpose and every scene neatly 'clicked' into one coherent whole.

The biggest weakness of DK was the lack of it. It seemed more or less like a series of battles for battles' sake and some interactions stringed together and less like a coherent story. It was still excellently written and a very enjoyable read but just not as awesome as it's predecessor.

Now DL seems somewhere in the middle. It's not that we don't have an overarching plot - we've got Maeve, Amaris, Voldemort, Horcruxes, Meciel's story, Amanda, What's Up With Knighthood question, Verrine, Order of BD... and maybe it's too much? By trying to juggle too many plots at the same time, the story suffers by the seeming lack of focus. It's not that the overarching plot isn't there - it just doesn't feel like it's there.

Now mind you, the very fact that I'm bitching about something like this is a testament to just how good the story is. It's like "Hey you've served us some godly stories, what's up with this merely excellent stuff?". But still - perhaps it's something worth thinking about.

 

In short: We were spoiled by Shezza and now we measure everything very high. It's the same with the original Dresden Files, you get used to everything becoming even better and at sometime you wonder how much higher it can get...
A compliment of the highest order

 

Of Course we are spoiled by Shezza. When she updates she updates at an insane pace. Sure she takes a break for a month or two sometimes. But then she is back to a chapter a day if not more. And its good shit that she puts out.

 

QFT, and also : I lol'd.

 

...did you write that for the sole reason of continuing the still-not-funny-and-not-getting-any-funnier "Shezza is a girl" joke?

As for the story, Shezza has set himself quite the task in having so many plotlines to wrap up in not much time. I think at this stage any action scenes we read that aren't directly contributing towards the wrapping up of these plot lines are going to feel like filler. The same to a lesser degree for character development - to a lesser degree because character development does do more than just look cool.

I feel the curse on the cup is just a bit too much. We've just come from an action sequence and having another straight after which feels completely unnecessary is odd pacing.

I get you want to show that Voldemort was smart enough to put protection on his horcrux, but at this stage I don't think you're able to show everything you want to. You've got to be like an editor of a too-long movie and reluctantly cut some of the scenes from the story that you wanted to be in there but just don't fit.

The structure of the story is suffering for all these extra bits you're putting in. We don't have any real sense of direction or of building up towards a climax: we're just getting some one shots in sequence.

 

This is exactly what I had in mind - that the chapters kind of feel disjointed from one another.

Once again coming back to DR - in any scene, in any moment of the story if you asked me what Harry's main goal was, I'd probably reply in an instant. It was very consistent and very focused, subplots were subplots and the main plot was the main plot.

If you asked me that now, I'm not sure I'd be able to reply as readily and as easily. I mean, really, what is Harry's main goal now? Is it killing Voldemort? Is it Meciel's revenge? Is it the Maeve/Amaris situation? It kinda seems like we're not following a plot, we're following the "life of Harry". As interesting as that life might be, following a life is the stuff of ongoing TV serieses(is that even a word? spellcheck doesn't seem to mind it) and not of books.

It is perhaps, the curse of a good writer. You've simply developed too many plots too well and too throughly. Perhaps the only real mistake you've made here is that you missed the chance to resolve some of those plots once and for all in DK. And perhaps our mistake was that we were too blinded by the awesomeness that accompanied most scenes and only now do we realize that we could've pointed that out earlier.

 

The reason why you cannot see a main plot in DL, is because there are at least 3 equally important plots going on. The Order of Blackened Denarius, Maeve and Voldemort.

Every chapter focuses on one of those plots, putting forwards what is going on. Things will most likely start getting very interesting soon.

I honestly do not see any issues with all the action, I mean, i'd far rather have Harry/Amanada interaction, but I can't help but feel that the action with the Horcrux must have some large point to it. Maybe not... but at least I hope there is.

 

Yo. Thanks for the replies, guys. Now, about the Horcrux water scene- that was just an afterthought. I was going to have some glowing vipers or something but that came out instead and I went with it because I thought it was cool. I'll consider snipping it- I have a three hour break between classes today and I plan on getting a bit of writing done after I've finished my homework.

As for the plots- what Ellisande said is true (although he really should stop looking at the plot document I may have given him). There are three ongoing plots at the moment and each chapter advances one of those plots at any given time. So, last chapter had a great big V-ARC in my plot document, next chapter will have a D-ARC and so forth. If it is getting confusing then I am more than willing to hear suggestions. The M-arc and V-arc are pretty pencilled in and I'm not willing to make changes (because they're so freaking cool) but the D-arc is one I've been having second thoughts about and feeling a bit 'er...how do I do this well?'.

Perhaps I need to set out a scene that re-establishes the plot or something. I do have a Harry/Amanda scene coming up after this and I could use her as an audience surrogate or whatever it's called like I used to do back in the old days.

Edit: I'm also aware that something needs to be done since I've had to spend some time answering this in the Review Thread. I'm of the opinion that all the information about the story concepts and plots should come from the way the story is written. As a writer, I want you guys to ask the inevitable question of 'I wonder what Maeve is up to?' or other questions like that. But for me to answer questions on the plot progression means that clearly the story isn't doing it right.

Once again, if you have a suggestion or a comment then I'm always receptive to it.

 

Maybe start the next chapter with Dumbledore's office soggy and the man himself thoroughly annoyed. Leaving the Horcrux battle ambigious with small details only and Harry exhausted but boisterous might let the readers know of a battle without any of the writing.

 

Its an unfinished scene, not a chapter.

 

if

or

Dumbledore's

repetition.

I liked the new scene better, only Harry seemed to be... Well, "on his behavior" would be good definition. Did you do this on purpose? As in, to show us that he is comfortable enough around Dumbledore not to need to insult him every other sentence?

I'm wondering what happened to Horcrux inside of Harry? Has Meciel disposed of it when taking Harry over or something entirely different happened?

 

Interesting.. so Harry is not a horcrux, this rather simplifies things. No need for stupid sacrifice drama. Just out of curiosity, are you planning to include Deathly Hallows plot elements in your story?.

Dumbledore has all three Hallows (did he give the cloak to harry? I cannot find the scene in the previous stories), He may very well be Master of Death. Unless there is a condition that only descendents of Peverells can unite and become master of Hollows. Harry can defeat Dumbledore in a duel with proper motivation, once he learns the story behind hallows he is going to try it anyway. Imagine Harry (by proxy Meciel too?) as Master of Death (In wiki it says, Death is sometimes portrayed in fiction and occultism as Azrael, the Angel of Death / In Roman Catholicism, the archangel Michael is viewed as the good Angel of Death, as opposed to Samael, the evil Angel of Death). With it's power he can free Meciel from void. Once it happens, they will beat the shit out of both Voldemort and Maeve. Amaris will become winter lady, Harry and Meciel will rule the world. Hey don't laugh, as a fan of Harry/Meciel pairing I'm allowed to dream. For Amanda fans, Harry can always make her as his concubine if Meciel is willing to share. I'm sure that none of this will happen in Shezza's story, but we can speculate how the ending is going to be.

Speculations aside, i liked the new scene better Sheeza. Meciel was rather subdued after her encounter with dementors, is she going to come out of it soon?. I'm looking forward to the Harry/Amanda scene, it's always amusing to read the interaction between them.

 

Fuck Deathly Hallows. No thanks.

As far as Harry being a Horcrux, I think it was mentioned somewhere in Denarian Renegade or Knight that Meciel supresses any foreign elements in her Host, such as the curse scar Harry received from the rat Wormtail.

I would think that the raw might of a Fallen Angel would be more than enough against the shard of a soul of a powerful wizard, I will admit, but still only human and not even a full soul of a human.

That said Shezza, I know for myself I would like, but at any point would we get a chapter starting with or dedicated to Lord Voldemort trying to deal with Harry and furthering his own plans?

I love this story, and I like the Denarian parts no problem, but Voldemort as an antagonist kind of feels like a name in the story, compared to how you portrayed him in his resurrection in Renegade, which was epic.

Think about it for a second. In Knight, Voldemort 'allied' with Vesper and she bitched out and died next to Harry's beatdown. In the beginning of Knight, Harry and Voldemort had a duel that was actually quite good, although Harry had to escape as he wasn't prepared magically to fight and win against Voldemort.

Basically, a chapter from the other side of the coin on this would be interesting. Also, where's Remus Lupin, and when is Sirius reentering things? Or Snape? Harry slapped him down when he first walked into his classroom in Renegade, where is he as a character now?

 

Sirius is hiding in Grimmuald Place, just like he would in canon!Harry's 6th year should he not die.

Dumbledore is probably keeping Snape as fas away from Harry as possible knowing what Harry could, and probably would, do to his spy. I'm pretty sure death threats weren't appreciated neither by Meciel nor Harry.

And I don't think Harry should be master of death or anything more than he already is. We haven't seen a battle scene where he actually struggles since end of TDK.

Though, I'm all for angel!Harry going out with freefromthevoid!Meciel.