Cool fic check it out

fanfiction.net

click search

type in mohd7590 in author coulmne.

click story harry potter and the betrayal

 

http://forums.darklordpotter.net/rules.php

Check these out before posting.

 

Go straight to jail.

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

Oh, and ffs, spell "Hermione" correctly in your author profile. And wtf is a "Lightstand"? A small table to hold a light?

 

Srsly bru?

 

lol, Sesc. Nice work.

 

Definitely a fan boy type. Take a look at his harry potter fanfic archive profile:

http://www.hpfanficarchive.com/viewuser.php?action=storiesby&uid=305

"I like bashing people, harems, techno-magi and dark harry"
he also thinks it would be legal to copy silver aegis story just 'cause he/she gave up on it.

Still, I'm bored so I'll take a look on his stories to see if theres anything worth reading.

Edit: Yea, the story he tried to post here was also from someone else.
Edit2: comments:

full review of his terrible works:

The betrayers start with a bang: featuring Harry awesome memory, capable of remind him of griphook, the most important goblin of the series. seriously, when i decide to write something, I'll pull a Jbern and go to war with this "highly misunderstood race"
-random numbers featuring harry's fortune. Of course, he always walked around in cast-offs since his trust fund was really small when he visit in his first year.
-It seems like its summer learning time. complete with books from T.Riddle and A.hittler.
-Training schedule with a set time for a shower.This I actually liked. I've seen a lot of fics that harry study the entire summer just to come out with a perfect body due potions, a incredible magic repertoire capable of defeating snape due another potion...but they never mention that he smells.
-saw a bit of neville in there. probably his new best friend
"He is taking a very dangerous path. Remus" Harry is the magic answer to darth vader now.
-Hes training with morgana? Wth is up with that?
-marriage contracts, slaves
-"Harry you shouldnt talk to the Headmaster" quoted just 'cause this shit always annoy me, even in good fics.
-Harry is virgin, not a fucking sex god. When will authors learn this?
-smut sucks too.

author note on first chapter:
"Who should be the alpha?" lol? its not just a harem, He has a pack too! next thing he will be calling his 'soulmates' cub or pup.

-skipped to what seems to be the last chapter. That website also fails btw.
-OH noes! Hermione was tricked into doing whatever she did to piss him off. at least he claims that will treat her as a slave anyway.
-"smartest witch of his generation". now..i'm not sure but generations are supposed to be everyone born in a period of 5-10years right? if so, I'd vote for Cedric nor hermione. She may have all the answers, but she could turn a bird into a clock and make it sing the hours at 14 couldn't he? What the fuck was she doing?
-Gabrielle is 10, and harry will most likely do her.... no comments about that one.

changed to his other story "Lord Slyterin". some shit about him going back to the past for who knows what.
-I think someone sold/gave him the elder wand, i dont really think it works like that...
-gallions
-AVADA KADEVARA
-"Pracelmagic" this killed the story, next one.
He has a couple other stories, but I refuse to read techno-mage stories and his other works just fail way to much

0/5. might change to 0.1/5 if he gives up his life.

 

NightSpy: go and post it as a review... you might save some other unfortunate souls from finding all that by themselves.

 

Srsly? Hell, I never post stories and I know you don't do shit like that.

I have a rope and free closet space if you would like.

 

Sweet directions, OP. I had no trouble finding your story. Authors who rec their own work always leads to awesomeness: this didn't disappoint.

4/5

 

I read the whole fricken thing. Holy jesus on a damn stick. It has errors up the ass, and it seems to be nothing but a sex dominating story. I'd give this a 1, but it doesn't deserve it.

 

They call that "theft", dude. And yes, it can happen with fanfics.

Nope, still theft, no matter how hard you try to justify it. Also? I count two spelling errors -- one very blatantly displayed -- and that's just in the intro to "your" story.

This is a badly written fic, that within three paragraphs smacks of condescension towards your readers, has numerous spelling, grammar and syntax mistakes, and absolutely no sense of originality whatsoever.

I believe you wrote this in a dark basement, possibly with your pants around your ankles, giddy at the thought of your own cleverness.

0/5. GTFO.

 

I concur. Yikes. :|

 

I also agree. GTFO and don't come back if you're going to write such a lame story that's already been written 30 million times.

 

That story wasn't worth adopting, with permission or without it.

 

Dudes, the story has a fucking Time Orb in it- with a capital T and O. How awesome is that? Oh, man, that's just the shit right there. Now Goku and Gohan can reach Super-Saiyan 2 and...

Wait. I think I'm getting confused somewhere.

Anyway, how bloody lazy can you get by not even posting a link to the damn shitheap? I mean, is it that hard? I had to open up a new tab and then type in 'www.fanfiction.net' then click on 'Search Author name' and...you get the picture. That's seven seconds I could have used to jack off some more.

Okay, onto the few things I want to point out. Apart from the pathetically crappy plot, the shopping session, the dialogue, the characterisation, the descriptions...and you see where I'm going with this. But, apart from all of that, the story is just stupid.

Ron uses a Killing Curse in the middle of Gringotts against Harry. Naturally, Harry defeats it with his awesome Avis skills, but a killing curse? An unforgivable? With two dozen witnesses? Firstly, I doubt Ron could cast the bloody spell. Second, in front of witnesses?

BEEP. I sense plothole!

1/5, because the smut was lulzy and made me come.

Wait, it sucked.

"He looked in front of him and there laid Daphne also naked, blond, 32C breasts, and no pubic Hair. Harry didn't know what to do but smirk 'life was good' he thought as he began to do naughty things."

I guess it was the Asian twin rape porn I had in the background that got me off.

0/5

 

I can't find any logical mispelling for lighstand harry? what the fucking hell is it supposed to read. I made it through about a chapter before I couldn't take it anymore. This doesn't even deserve the recycle bin, it should be in whatever thread we have for laughing at shitty authors and horribles fics. I'd give this a 0/5 but the site doesn't support that so 1/5 it is.

Mohd ... GTFO

 

If you wanted serious reviews on this story here, you should have used a spell-checker, payed attention to grammar, expanded your story to make it feel less rushed, hidden the clichés better, created three-dimensional characters, followed the rules, and posted it in WBA instead of the Library.

 

If the author fails at using spellcheck on Word or whatever program he/she/it uses, his/her/its writing skills cannot even remotely be acceptable.

GTFO my internetz.

 

This story fails so much... I won't even repeat what others have posted, I'll just say that the whole story is fucking unreadable.

On the pros side, I think you managed to use every single cliche known to me.

0/5