The new chapter posted today in the WBA section.

 

He's reading the Denarian Lord Story thread on this site. If you go back to the main site page, it's in the Dresden files work by author section. Updates are generally posted here as incomplete chapters before they get uploaded to ff.net.

Edit- Fuck, I hate it when that happens.

 

Oh, and I was just reareading DR, and I was thinking something. I'm probably way off, but I just keep thinking of Amanda getting Verrine's coin.

 

I noticed one continuity mistake.

Near the beginning, when the sword saves Harry from the tank, you have a line that says he could feel his flesh sizzling as the Sword burned him.

Later, when he draws the sword against Tessa, you have a line where he winces as the glow from the sword seeps past his leather glove. I didn't see a line where he puts on his leather gloves, so one of those needs to be changed.

Also, I don't know what it is about the fight, but something about it just read... off. Something is bothering me about it. Loved Tessa, though. Especially her line about Dresden, Marcone, and Ivy.

 

Harry has always worn leather gloves when wielding the sword. Ever sense the grave yard where he nearly burnt his hand to a crisp.

 

Edit: Wow, I was way late in posting that.

 

I'm kinda sad that Tessa has to die, she was a female Harry with more life experience

Also what were you thinking man!? dividing by zero like that! ^^

 

Yes, I realize that. He's always worn gloves. Which is why it makes exactly no sense for the sword to be burning his flesh at the beginning of the chapter.

 

Harry getting shot with the tank shell was great, even if he might have been able to prepare. I mean it was Harry's supernatural reflexes versus humans who have to wait for the tank's mechanisms to fire but have the drop on Harry.

The black hole is great and awesome to picture happening amidst the battle.

I liked Tessa enough to wish that Harry wasn't inevitably going to kill her. She does seems like a more fun loving version of Harry.

I am glad that Verrine is out of the picture. Tessa and Tarsiel didn't let her survive long enough to kill the survivors of the battle.

 

Yo guys. I made some changes today and an editted version of Ch18 is up, automerged with the original (that feature sucks). Look for big bold heading. I hope it addressed some of your concerns. I'm always open to your feedback as well.

 

Fuck you Shezza, for making the most awesome Fallen Angel beside Harry be his enemy. I also ask for a one-shot between Tessa and Harry.

 

I'm fairly certain that it was meant to be 'wall'.

Is it correct?

Uh, and don't you think that 'everybody' would fit better?

Missing words. "to end" after "wanted"?

surprise

force

'tank shell', 'exploded' - repetition.

One more thing, as there's a lot of electricity in use in this duel, Harry should really use this:

 

How 'bout deleting the old version of the chapter from the post?

 

EPIC.

Tessa and Harry on the town would either be made of solid gold win, or end up destroying the human race. A match definitely made in hell.

For some reason, I'm hoping that Tessa somehow survives. I kind of like her. She and Harry are strangely alike. But then again, that might be why she has to die. A female Harry clone might be too much for the world to handle.

 

EPIC LINE is epic:

 

Doesn't really mesh, seeing as he didn't actually get hurt. Some kind of witty remark/pun, of which I'm always terrible at, may work instead.

wall

blueprints would be more accurate, schematics are typically more for electronics. Unless you meant ward schema?

jolt

strolled
otherworldly

automatically made

lost

leapt
nails

rose from
black



All in all, I like the new version over the previous.

 

That. Was. Awesome.For a moment there (before ch 18 ) I thought harry was loosing his edge.But then he sends a black hole at someone. Also, does tessa have to die, She is even better than verrine (was).

 

The new chapter is better, yeah, but I, being the killjoy I am, still aren't really satisfied with it <_<

You've taken the same approach Butcher took towards the Skinwalker in TC with regards to trying to convince us of Tessa's power: a constant barrage of being both told and shown how powerful she is.

However, the problem never was that you hadn't shown her to be powerful enough, nor that you hadn't explained to us why she could be so powerful but not be a Denarian Lord. The problem was that we (or maybe just I) as reader felt that she doesn't deserve to be this powerful. We as a reader feel cheated. I feel that you can't just ad hoc suddenly introduce a new power player in order to satisfy your "epic fight scene" quota. Despite how much reasoning you give for why she is so powerful, it still feels like a retcon.

As did the whole "Nicodemus was good with a sword but I'm the one who's good with magic" thing. Nic is a dab hand at magic as well as sword fighting, if I recall correctly. And Vesper was no slouch.

Anyway, I'll leave my complaining with regards to Tessa there, as it's not really fair on you: if you downgraded her to what I'd consider realistic, the fight wouldn't even be as long/close as the one he had with Verrine and the other Denarian in the Department of Mysteries.

Which would cheat you of your fight scene <_< Lol.

My other worry is the black hole. Does someone sciencey want to chip in on how fast those things grow? I worry that a black hole of that size would consume the Earth within seconds.

 

Well REAL black holes can usually tear apart stars, so a planet would be gone in seconds. But this is supposed to be magic so it could be weaker, or smaller, or whatever fits the plot best.

 

A black hole the size of a pin would consume Earth in seconds if it was sitting on top of us. Think of all the mass (and thus the gravity) of a Super Giant star (something around 100 times the mass of the Sun) compressed down to a single point (hence the term "point singularity") in space-time. Any object in space creates a gravity well, a dent of sorts in the "fabric" of space-time according to mass, the mass of a black hole creates a gravity well so "deep" (again, not really a hole) that it doesn't end, sort of like a bottomless pit except in four dimensions (time included) and nothing really goes anywhere.

As to how quickly a black hole grows, whatever mass enters the event horizon is added to the singularity, and it aint getting back out, that and time appears to slow down and stop the closer you get to the event horizon which is cool, but irrelevant to the question.

I don't know if any of that makes much sense, this is all from my intro to cosmology elective at university so I'm not up on any of the math involved or the complicated theory so if someone knows better, have at it.