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Complete The Lie I've Lived by jbern - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by jbern, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

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    ^^ agree, superb work on Delacours characters.

    The only thing that made me wonder was what Fleur said about Harry going full out on Maxim, and yet the duel scene somehow didn't have that feel of the protagonist really not holding back. It wasn't bad per se but still somehow felt underdeveloped, but then I just read Shezza's latest chapter and any duel with more of... 'mortal' type of magic usage would seem not so grand if compared to the denarian's flashy style... :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2009
  2. Grubdubdub

    Grubdubdub Supreme Mugwump

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    Yea, the characterization in this chapter was especially good. Really liked the character interaction.

    A little pet peeve of mine is that you wrote overpowered... if it's overpowered it means it's not good [or if you tried to clean a spoon and you accidentally cleaned the whole house, I would consider it overpowered...] . Why not use instead 'powerful', as it makes much more sense.
     
  3. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    I found this chapter rather boring to be honest.

    The dueling was uninspired and bland, your fight scenes in Turn me Lose are far superior. This was pretty much generic crap. It just lacked your usual spark.
     
  4. Bucks

    Bucks Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Another disappointing chapter. This chapter seems to exemplify the recent chapters even more. It was very...dry. Nothing happening, nothing catching my attention. Nothing to make me do more than just skim it very quickly. Not even the HP/Fleur scene could save this chapter.
     
  5. Mage

    Mage Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    I wouldn't go so far as too say that I didn't enjoy this chapter, but it seemed to lack something. It was still a good read, but it just doesn't live up to how well your chapters normally read. Sorry I can't be more specific in pin pointing it down
     
  6. reggin

    reggin Filthy Half-Breed DLP Supporter

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    I'd take more Fleur humping anyday. Screw you guys on the 'disappointment'.
     
  7. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

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    Damn, we're going to need a truckload of cheese to go with that whine! Do you all have ADD? Must very single line in the story instantly gratify you? Not even the greatest stories ever written for all time keep you tied to your chair reading with every word, every paragraph, and every chapter.

    I rather enjoyed reading the chapter, and like reggin said, more Fleur humping any day.

    jbern, keep up the awesome work!
     
  8. BloodRedSword

    BloodRedSword High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    As always, I demand SMUT!

    :p

    But seriously, it would be more interesting to see Dumbledore's fight with Fleur and the rest. Good read by the way.
     
  9. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    Your a retard.

    This chapter did have action, it was boring though.

    We saw Harry, supposedly one of the more powerful wizards in the world and a triwizard champion fighting the headmistress of one of the prime schools of magic in the world. Their dual was so tame and bland as to be pathetically boring. Rubber balls and a few rats. Granted its not and all out fight to the death, but they are supposed to be preparing for Voldemorts return.

    The fights in Turn me Lose are far better so I don't see why Jim would hold back so much here. The whole scene was disapointing in the extreme.

    And while the character interaction is needed I didnt give a crap, many times I have read chapters that are wholly filler and been entertained, not so this time. The head in a box was uninspired, the family interaction was contrived and I personally would have prefered Fluer to open up to Harry but still be some what of a natural bitch.

    The whole cold on the out side but with a heart of gold is very cliche and boring, it would have been far better if they shared affection and respect but never got to the lovey dovey crap.
     
  10. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    No your a retard.

    Retard. :awesome

    These people are dueling, not fighting. jbern makes a distinction in Bungle that holds true here as well. You can't go throwing lethal curses at one another in a training pit. That's just stupid.

    Of course murderous Harry is going to use more flashy and deadly spells in TML than dueling Harry is in TLIL.

    Think about it.
     
  11. lanceavalon

    lanceavalon Seventh Year

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    [​IMG]
     
  12. meatzman2

    meatzman2 Backtraced

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    I think their complaints are valid ones and to be honest I think they were needed as well. Jbern's been getting an awful lot of sucky sucky in this thread and for us fanboys (and girls) it's important to register the complaints alongside the awesomeness of the H/Fleur.
     
  13. White Rabbit

    White Rabbit Hippity Hoppity DLP Supporter

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    lanceavalon Why?

    I have to agree with TEaoS somewhat. The duel with Maxime left me a little underwhelmed. I understand that Harry can't pull out the most lethal of spells in a prepatory duel, but it just felt like the same old same old that didn't last as long as it probably should have. Maybe bring a little something extra that Maxime hasn't seen yet?

    The meeting with the Delacours' was just a rehash of HJ and Minister Delacour's first meeting. They'll target Harry and anyone close to him by proxy. Fleur can handle herself.

    Even though it didn't have the usual spark, I was able to enjoy it. Looking forward to the next chapter.

    This.
     
  14. afrojack

    afrojack Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    I understand Harry can't all-out fight Maxime in a friendly practice situation, I get what TEAoS is saying. The spells they were using, especially Harry's, seemed slightly pedestrian. He still seems to be on the level of going with straight up force and one-purpose spells, conjuring animals, throwing bludgeoning hexes and the like. IMHO it's far enough into the story for Harry to truly start experimenting with magic, going above and beyond. In HP canon, I always thought one of the biggest differences between the mediocre wizards and those like Dumbledore and Voldemort was the way they interacted with the magic they were using. Normal wizards throw spells around, but LV and Dumbledore always seemed to have a command of it, like it was just an extension of their will. They could use magic to attack, defend, and distract at the same time, or AOE spells that could be tweaked and manipulated, and which could grow in relation to the control and power of the wizard, each one flowing seamlessly into the next. They could personalize their spells, adapt their magic to fit specific purposes, use them as a direct extension of their creative will, having the mastery and skill to perform magic unique to themselves. True, Harry can't be there yet, but it feels like he should be moving farther in that direction than he was shown to be in this chapter.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2009
  15. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    I am well aware of the fact that it was a "duel", it however is a duel between two of the most powerful and skilled people in the world, it is a duel to prepare for Voldemorts return, thus this battle with rats and stunner is lame, pure and simple.
     
  16. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

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    Unless Maxime knows Harry's secret why in the hell would he go all out?
     
  17. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    Training.

    Up to now he has only been able to train by himself or against people considerably under his skill level.

    This would be a chance to... oh I dont know... go all out, push him limits, see what he can do in a real fight against one of the best magic users there are.
     
  18. Mage

    Mage Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    I guess teaos pinpointed what I felt was wrong. While I don't agree that they needed to throw deadly spells around, I do that HJ should have at least had something deeper in his reserves to pull out for the fight. Honestly it read like one of the tournament fights, but Maxime is much better then the other tournament competitors. The fight didn't really give off the intensity that I think would come from two people training to be able to battle Voldemort. The other thing was Fleur. She seems so different from how she was originally, and I'm not sure I think it's such a good thing. Part of what made her so interesting was that she wasn't described as she is in other stories usually, but it seems like she's becoming more and more like other stories now. And while I think that maybe with time Fleur would be that comfortable and open with Harry, it seems a bit unlikely to me that after a couple weeks she would.

    That being said however, I did really like the French Embassy bit. It was refreshing for Harry to meet parents in a story and not have them be the perfect understanding parents who are more then willing to let their daughter go into life or death situations. Gabrielle is also a very good twist to the usual Gabrielle.
     
  19. masteraleph

    masteraleph First Year

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    Most of the people commenting on the duel seem to be missing the fact that Madame Maxime is a half-giant and is therefore immune to most direct spells. The disappointing thing was that Harry didn't bring in any larger or more significant transfigured enemies for her; then again, she was pressing him hard enough for that not to be an issue.
     
  20. whateveritis12

    whateveritis12 Third Year

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    afrojack, I think we're also forgetting that while HJ is stronger than James, he's also in a very James like mindset when he duels. So while he did have that little soulsearch beside Aimee's bed, he still is heavily influenced by James dueling style, because that is the only style he knows.

    I think it'd be similar changing your throwing motions as a quarterback, he can do it but he'd have to work at it. And he doesn't see the need in doing it right this instant, he's focusing on the tournament and getting thru that. Changing dueling styles won't help him in that. And who's to say that he does have those heavy spells for when he's in a real fight. Going up against Maxime was a primer for the final round of duels, and he was dueling just like he would in those.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2009
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