Man, fuck the semantics. We all know we want to see Harry boink the girl that can be every girl he knows, and is just slutty (see: nymph) enough to want to do it. Hell, she might even enjoy a little roleplay. For example, seventeen year old Harry Potter saves sixteen year old Ginny Weasley in the Chamber of Secrets, except suddenly she's much more amorous with a clearer face and larger tits. The one-eyed snake leaves her far from petrified.

Or maybe Harry's always wanted a little ebony in his life, but Angelina Johnson had a fetish for redheads. Well, little Harry gets what he wants with Nymphadora Johnson around.

Or whatever. They don't have to have a "real" relationship, just let Harry get some continuous nookie from each girl in school.

 

Lorddwars was the best HONKS I've seen, and although was a little crappy in placed made up for in length, development and just being the only no horribly bad Honks I've read.

Most of the aspiring HONKS fics on FFnet now are based on the previously mentioned save the Black family fortune or worse. ie, because Harry grew back his hair overnight he's actually a metamorph and Tonks finds out and they get married and have rainbow coloured kids.

Or the ones that make me want to through up where both Tonks and Harry are sappy crying bitches who complain they'll never find true love because no-one can see past BWL or metamorph thing.

I do remember one fic, about 5 chapters long though. I can't remember much about it, just that Harry went back in time and joined the aurors under a different name. They then started training together etc. That wasn't bad.

Although if you're going to say HONKS is dying because a plethora of shitty writors on FFnet are taking it up, well, then HP fanfiction is already dead. Lol.

 

This This This This

Who needs plot when you can get good slut?:awesome

 

She's probably a freak, but in the worst way. Changing your nose into a pig's snout to make babies coo and giggle is one thing, but doing that shit to entertain teenage girls speaks of something more sinister, those "you really don't wanna know" inside jokes.

She'll probably morph into whatever you want, but I bet she changes into some awkward shit before her partners climax. Like Ms. Piggy. Or the guy's mother (or father). Or Snape. She only married Remus because he toughed it out despite his disgust - it's like fighting a boggart, except better since he can get his nut off.

And that's why Honks needs to die.

 

And I thought the idea that Tonks' nature means that she's technically a hermaphrodite was the worst thing about her.

 

Accepting this convention means that, in addition to everything else I said, one runs the risk of getting surprise sexed in the butt. Or the ear.

Remember Middy's old ava - the hentai gif of the girl taking it from the back, with the dick exiting out her nose ? Yeah.

 

Hahahahahaha. Good times, good times.

 

If there is a hermaphrodite in this world that can change into any woman in existence (read: Jessica Biel) and even those that no longer exist (read: Marilyn Monroe) and even those that have never existed, with the ability to make each miscellaneous body part bigger or smaller with her will alone, I'd snap her up in a heartbeat - and the rest of you would too. It would be worth it even if she changed into your grandfather right before climax.

Although, if I see Rufus right before I cum she better be able to morph to hide the bruises the next day.

Averis - Chris Browning them hoes since '09.

 

Cheddar, I'm usually not the one to say stuff like this, but if you don't like Harry/Tonks, why would you bother to post your opinion in this thread? It just seems kind of pointless. It's like posting highlights in the NBA Playoff thread when you don't watch basketball. Or posting nude pics of Jessica Alba when you're gay.

 

^^ Although let it be said that I would more than tolerate any gay member who was prudent enough to post hot pics of Jessica Alba (or any other equally attractive female). Such selfless actions deserve the highest praise.

 

Truer words ever said

 

LOL.

That is all.

EDIT: Actually, to add to the purpose of this thread (at least, what I think the purpose is) why can't Tonks just be a regular chick who hides her true skill for once. There are a bunch of Harry/Tonks relationships that start out with Tonks explaining how metamorphs are either revered or hated for their skill (drawing a comparison to parseltongue), but I've never seen one where she hides it. She would be far more useful to the Order if absolutely no one (except for Dumbledore, I suppose) knew about it. Of course, it would be difficult to hide, but if Andromeda drilled it into her head at an early age that she could be used or persecuted because of her ability, I think she would grow up a lot differently.

This could lead to:

Harry becomes friends with his undercover guard Nymphadora under the impression that she is a student at Hogwarts, and starts to develop feelings for her (which, to begin with, aren't returned). Nymphadora wants to quit, but she is so firmly entrenched in Hogwarts now that she can't without Harry realizing something is amiss. After a period of time, and several plot points, (perhaps as a big fuck you to Dumbledore who won't let her quit) she either reveals herself to Harry or takes advantage of him. I prefer the latter.

-

Nymphadora is an Auror just inducted to the restarted Order, sent on her first task by Dumbledore (who has no idea she's actually a metamorph). One day, while trailing Lucius Malfoy (after GoF, before OoTP, thus he didn't expect to be followed and didn't raise a privacy ward), she overhears a conversation between him and another man she doesn't recognize about a prophecy involving Harry Potter and the Dark Lord. Apparently he may be the only person that can stop Voldemort, but Lucius knows on good authority (Snape?) that Dumbledore has never told Harry about the prophecy. Intrigued, Nymphadora neglects to mention that particular conversation to Dumbledore, and instead mentions it to her cousin Sirius just after Harry has arrived at Grimmauld. Chaos insues.

I can think of more, maybe.

 

@Averis: that first one, where she hides her skill - I'd read that shit.

But then ( and I can't believe I'm saying this) it wouldn't really be Tonks, would it? To flip my whole "Why I hate Honks" scenario: if I were Tonks, trust and believe I would flaunt my shit - to the point of surprise fucking my partner in the ear. Because I can; not everyone has that "hide my power" mentality like Dumbledore did with the Wand.

Next to the Wand, which makes performing magic that much easier, I reckon being a metamorphmagus is the next best thing. Gimme a camera, and I'd control pretty much anyone important: dirty pictures of the Minister with Umbridge? Check. Lucius fucking a famous muggle boy? Double check. I'd pimp these wizards like Blaise's mom did - without killing them. Don't believe Voldemort's back? A dip in a pensieve memory and a few changes, and I'll make you believe.

Yeah.

 

Yeah, but to everything you said - who says you can't do that shit without flaunting it? If absolutely no one knows that you're a metamorph, then everyone is going to be more likely to believe the bullshit you're making up. I mean, how often does one find a being that can become someone else in the blink of an eye? Oh sure, I'd fuck the wizarding world up with my talent, and all for my benefit, but I certainly wouldn't let them know I have it.

I thought of another idea where a Tonks like in Amerision's Equal and Opposite morphs into Lucius Malfoy and confesses to sins both contrived and real, and then is put in Azkaban, thus giving Harry (as Black family heir) a chance to make a powerplay on the disgraced Malfoy family's money. Tonks agreed to this plan because Harry promised (by Wizard's Oath) to give her a fortune after her release from Azkaban. Once the Malfoy money is his he visits her in Azkaban and then casts the Imperius curse on her, making sure that she never escapes.

Of course, it would need touch up work to make it believeable, but it would be the best kind of sadistic. There's not enough Dark!Harry around anyway.

 

On the subject of Honks cliches, there is one that pisses me off more than any other. I can deal with most of the other staple Honks cliches but this one makes me instantly rage:

Harry is dicking around Little Whinging, either at the start of OoTP or at the beginning of HBP, and he gets harassed by Dudley and his posse. He is about to get his ass beat or use magic or whatever, when Tonks shows up out of nowhere and starts making out with Harry in front of them, showing how awesome and how much of a pimp Harry is. Of course then Dudley goes on about how he's this much better than Harry and Harry's a freak, etc. etc. He then gets shot down brutally and him and his gang run away with their tails between their legs.

I swear to motherfucking God this scene pops up in nearly every other Honks fic. Like I said, I can deal with other Honks cliches, but this one is an instant deal breaker.

 

Wasn't there a challenge floating around on fanfiction sites a few years back where Harry takes advantage of Tonks before Bill and Fleur's wedding because she is depressed over Remus rejecting her? I could have swore I saw it on ff.net. It is original as far as plots go. I rather like the idea of Harry using Tonks for some quick smex before he goes off to fight against Voldemort. I don't know if anyone ever actually wrote a story like that though. If someone knows of one link me up.

 

Hmm...

I wonder if Tonks can change her skin pigment? Maybe add some alien appendages?

...hmm...

Harry Potter/{f}Twi'lek
or
Harry Potter/asari

...anyone?

 

First, lemme say that as awesome as JKR is, she's utterly worthless at writing relationships.......Of the ones introduced into the story as it progresses, the only one that truly makes sense, sad to say, is R/Hr...And only marginally so.

Remus/Tonks (Comes out of flippen no where...Not to mention I just don't dig those relationships about the young pretty girl falling in love with the old sap that is around 15 yrs older....Just a smidge disgusting)

Bill/Fluer.......The hell did this one come from?


Before I rant too far.....Lemme just say that HONKS is one that actually makes sense......She just seems like an 'actual' fit than many sue Ginny who was created for only one purpose it seems.....Tonks has that ability to take on multiple roles for Harry....A lover, a friend, motherly (not in a twisted way or anything), an equal, a sister (again, not in a twisted way)..She just makes too much sense...Besides, Harry needs someone not manufactured like Ginny, who can deal with his serious side by being serious herself, and just walk all over his ass when he's being a depressed ninny and not coddle him........


That's part of the trouble with HONKS......Morons get them together in the first 5 chapters of a 20+ chapter story, some of them, they are all of a sudden banging each other's brains out even sooner than that, for no apparent reason......For the ship to be believeable, it has to start somewhere.....Mainly, them first becoming friends...Because, if you wanna get right down to it, Tonks has spent all of probably a week or two with Harry during OoTP...So, if you wanna start ofter that book...You gotta be patient...

Many are such utter trash because the writers move it along too quickly, others just plain suck at writing, more still both suck at writing and at romance.....Many never even address the fact of Tonks having concerns about being with Harry in the beginning, the whole age thing...Which isn't much imo...(I always thought of Tonks as only 5 years older, her being 21 and him being 16 in the same same year...Maybe her being 21 and him 16.)

Many are just too facking lazy to start out with a friendship or Harry having an initial crush on Tonks and Tonks brushing it off as boy hood fantasy, until somewhere down the road..............

And, my biggest peeve, is Tonks original form....She just seems like one that doesn't have issues with her form, she's jsut that whimsical type who likes to shake things up and absolutely loves change and outrageous styles......Most stories have her like Aphrodite hotness as her original form.....How utterly uncreative....

In my impression, she's always had that faint genetic carry over of the black family....A faint hint of those aristocratic high cheeks, while for the most part still have the same general face she's usually in.....

For example:
Slight semblance of aristocratic bone structure, but still has that slight heart shaped face....Kinda elf like, yet softer, more human, more believable...That, and I always thought of her as having scars on her original form...She can cover them up, but they're still there in her original form...Maybe a faint, silver scar along her chin or cheek or something.....Something that gives her a fierce beauty (as per auror career), but at the same time, has a bubbly infectious smile. In that respect, I always viewed her as a flawed beauty, some scars, but more the beautiful for it in a sense.....

And the second peeve........She's rarely, in most fics, frustrated by having to watch a teen....She needs to be annoyed and forced to come to know Harry...Loving or caring about him greatly right off the bat is lazy ass BS....


Anyway....After that long right, HONKS has the capacity to be very good...The trouble is finding the right author that has creativity, originality, writing ability, and the common sense to appeal to what makes Tonks awesome in the first place...

I haven't found too many I'll reread, but I've come to really like the following.

http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/lizardlaugh/BB01.html

It was never finished...But it was a surprising find...Some areas seem a bit rough in the creation of Tonks caring for Harry....But her internal dilema is pretty good.

Check it out.


Fuck.....that was a long rant.

 

You sound like a freak. If your first post isn't your last, get rid of the ellipsis.

The one-shot you linked was Tonks feeling sympathetic on Harry's behalf, which are the stories that uniformly fail and brought on the idea that Harry/Tonks sucked in the first place.

Anyway, we're not losing Harry/Tonks, we never had it in the first place.