Meh, this story simply doesn't do much for me at all.

On one hand, the grammar and plotting seems pretty damn solid to me. On the other hand, I simply am not enjoying reading the story. I think the only part I've truly enjoyed is the "Save the Unicorn Save the World" line.

3/5.

It's decent, but it's not quite my cup of tea.

 

Second chapter follows the style of first. It's light and humorous. Maybe I wasn't laughing out loud but it kept smile on my face at all times.

And I loved the line about Myrtle and the Dark Lord.

 

LOL whut?

I don't get the whole "rating stories bc you like the author" deal. I don't know any author enough to "like them; I don't think any of the people who like JBern's stories gush over them because they like him - no one knows shit about him except that he's some old guy trying to be a writer.

 

LOL--I'm not sure what got your panties in a twist, Zombie, but I do appreciate you implying that my lips are on jbern's dick. Your post just reeks of butt hurt.

I don't know jbern personally, but I happen to like his stories. But like you, I don't really like Luna's portrayal in Bungle. I rated this particular story highly because I think it's well-conceived and fun, and the Luna here is much closer to canon than in in Bungle (which you'd know if you read it).

You're doing the exact same thing that you accuse others of doing. You're slamming a story because you dislike the author, rather than judging the story on its merits. It's tiresome to watch you and your little IRC clique poke jbern with a stick just 'for the lulz.' He's a popular and now published author, and he doesn't go out of his way to advertise those facts. Like any reasonable person would, he mentions his original works in the A/Ns of his fanfiction stories. Deal with it.

See above. I didn't say that in my post, and neither have other people. You're the only person I see judging the story based on personal dislike of the author and your dislike of a single character's portrayal in a past story.

 

For your claim to make sense, the following would have to happen:

1. Fangirl/boy X sees "new fic by JBern"
2. Fangirl/boy rates story 5/5 ZOMG
3. Fangirl/boy then proceeds to actually read the story.

There's no way you're going to try and argue that this is what happens the majority of the time - or at all.

Ignoring that, everyone's going to go into a new story written by a popular author with a more than a healthy dose of bias. If Shezza, Nonjon, or Rorsarch's Blot put out a new fic, would most of the positive reviews come from completely new readers, or readers already familiar with their work ? I'll bet a bank that Vash could write the sequel to Oedipus Flower, and it'll receive overwhelmingly positive reception, even if it were somehow noticeably worse than OF or had some glaringly wrong characterization. In fact, he had written a challenge piece for TGYH or somesuch, and it was terrible - yet pretty much everyone who had read OF liked it. One could argue that it was just a fun, throw-away piece I suppose, but still.

Conversely, I (as an admitted fan of JBern's stuff) thought this story was horrible: not because of fucking Luna (and I really do not understand the fascination with this bitch in the first place), but because the main premise of the story - Divination-loving Harry - is so damned retarded that it deserves to be scrapped faster than a Harry/Draco fic.

So yes: the only reason people vote his stories high is because they like what they are reading, not because they like the author.

 

I thought it was a decent read. I do agree with Blaise that the premise is kinda lame. But it did keep a smile on my face at all times and I think that is what Jbern is looking for.

5/5

 

Obviously, your rating is entirely unaffected by your previous judgement of the author :awesome

 

Yeah, I'm aware you just picked my post as an example. That's why I used the word 'imply.' I couldn't care less what you think of me; I responded to your post because it was a load of bullshit.

LOL, right. Listen to yourself, man. You're ranting. Clearly you do care, quite a lot, about the issue of jbern's writing. And reading all of his stuff doesn't lend authority to your trolling; it just makes you seem like an idiot. So you (a) hate the author, and (b) hate all the author's works, yet you've read all 800,000 words of his stories? Why?

And take a look at the rest of this thread. There's little to no fellating going on. I'd say it's pretty damn balanced on the whole. There's a lot of "I don't particularly care for this."

Well, I haven't read his new book yet, but from what I can tell it's got no connection whatsoever to Harry Potter being raised by Sybill Trelawney. Does it really bother you so much that he advertises his original works to the fans of his Harry Potter stories? If it does, I can only suggest seeking psychotherapy, because you've got a serious case of penis envy, friend.

 

I counted exactly two reviews that were dicksucking, namely Nadino's and Myst's. After him, only Trulle and Cxjenious identified themselves as Jbern fanboys, but rated the story lowly despite it. Hardly voting blindly.

Every positive review (by which I mean four or five stars) was on the first page, with the lone exception of Myst, and did not reference Jbern's past works, except for someone wanting Lie to be updated, etc. Meaning no different from any review submitted to a story written by a new author.

And Vash already has the first chapter of his Oedipus Flower sequel out, it's called Inremeabilis.

 

lol, what? I'd like to point out that you just...oh, never mind, it's like arguing with an 8-year-old with Down's Syndrome. I have no desire to continue this, so I'll just concede defeat to the butthurt Injun.

 

Here is an idea, instead of sounding all butthurt why don't you spend time you would have spent complaining about jbern and invest that energy in writing a new chapter in your story?

As for this story, it isn't great, but it isn't as horrible as Zombie tries to make it out to be. It has humor which isn't that terribly humorous, but there are a few mildly entertaining moments, and though the writing feels rushed it is still better than 99% of the fanfiction out there. I'd give a 2.5/5 rounded to 3/5. I suggest jbern sticks to his traditional story fare since this attempt at humor is lacking. I'd much prefer updates to TML, the sequel to LIE, or that H/Hr story he was talking about writing to this story.

 

I find it funny how some people on this site dislike Jbern simply because he's popular with the moronic masses. Is hating pop still cool?
Having said that this wasn't up to Jberns usual standard. Definitely not on par with Lie/TML but it was readable which is more than I can say for alot of fics - even stuff on here. 3/5

 

I'll just ignore the JBern love /hate going on above and just comment on the story. >_>

This story to be honest is bland compared to his other fics. I'm still waiting for the humor to show up in the 2 chapters that have been posted. The reaction I get from this fic is something like, "Oh, he's updated the fic. Let me check it out when I've got time, maybe next week."

While it's not the best fic I've ever read, it's quite better than most of the fics floating around. Fics, that are in fact currently in the library.

3/5 for mild interest and minor amusement.

 

Okay, I am going to be the lone sensible voice in this entire thread.

Zombie: You just did what you were talking about; see post by World. Shut up.
Justblaise and darklordmike: You're fanboys. Admit it, sit down, shut the fuck up, and watch how a real review takes place.

Ahem.

I start off without a vote, like so.

04:40 - The first paragraph: Auntie Sibyll. If there is no backstory coming soon, then this fic is shit.

04:47 - The fic is shit.

Where do I begin. "Auntie" Sibyll shows up out of the cold, and is a live-in caregiver. There is no explanation given, no whys or wherefores. She's just there. Now while 'foreseeing' the winner to horse races and football matches is a nice little explanation, weren't Trelawney's predictions spotty? I'll look past the fact that Dursley is not the type of person to provide charity to anyone.

---
04:53 - I'll say this right now: anybody who smiled or giggled at this probably enjoys Mind of Mencia. Please allow me to point out possibly the best example of humour in this fic:

Ha. Ha ha. Ha. I believe I told something similar to this in primary school. Third year, to be exact. Well done, Jbern, well done indeed. Very highbrow.

---
04:55 - Then, there's a magical book that suddenly writes down all her predictions. Does it predict my eyes rolling?

---
04:57 - Pertaining to the last two points, why doesn't Trelawney just become a superhero? 'I'll predict that Peter Pettigrew is the secret keeper.' 'I'll predict that today is the day that Voldemort will show up in Godric's Hollow.' Apparently, The Powers That Be do not like to give up the astronomically large predictions, but it'll throw a few bones to the gormless idiots out there. Sort of like Scientology.

---
05:07 - Finished reading the brainless tedium that is the second chapter.

Luna, Jbern, may be your one almost redeeming quality. You made her 150% as weird as canon. Well done. Bullshit taken from canon, more bullshit. And then I see two words that just make me laugh.

Colonel Sanders.
They don't make me laugh because I think KFC, they make me laugh because I think of Spaceballs.

At this point, you have fallen back on just enough old jokes to turn this fic from original recipe to just another lump in the grease bin.

---

A quick nod to another author, Jbern? How very darkmoore of you.

Just in case you fanboys and girls had thought that Jbern has words just waiting to be used as names for fictional creatures, you're wrong. This author prides himself on superpowered!Harry/Ginny fics with a hint of soulbond if memory serves, a genre which I wonder if, should Jbern write one of those, you would be so generous with praise and compliment.

---

And then the almost standard advertisment in the author's note at the bottom.

I give you a generous 2 out of 5. Not for being entertaining, and certainly not for your original writing. But if only for the fact that you're trying.

Yes, you're very trying.

I'd also like to point out that it took far longer to write the Great American TL;DR than it did for me to read this "story".

EDIT:

By the way, lads and lasses... I actually read the chapters through before giving my opinion. That's how to review. If you want to rubberstamp something, have one made just for yourselves. It should have the word 'DUHHHHH...' in bold lettering, and it is applied directly to the forehead. And before anyone laughs at this potential reference to that stuff that was advertised, no. I'm hoping for some permanent cranial damage to occur.