Tricky Transformation » by Healer Pomfrey reviews
As he watches the Dursleys' garden in turn with the other Order members, Severus makes a grave mistake while transforming back from his Animagus form. AU after fifth year, partly OOC, mentioning abuse!Dursleys, de-aging fic, child fic, sick!Severus/Harry Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 15,366 - Reviews: 141 - Updated: 6-14-09 - Published: 3-29-09 - Severus S. & Harry P. - Complete

No worries though. It's only partly out of character.

 

A truly horrendous fic.

The Zambini shit again.

Horrible, horrible, horrible.

No further words on this one.

 

Ah, but now we have verification of a relvant detail that JKR left out:
"King Cobra"
Harry Is NOT circumcised. Good to know - that's highly important information.

 

....That fic was blatant character rape. Seriously, Wtf? Hr/D, Nice!Voldemort, Retardedbitch!Harry, and so much fucking OOC that I cried. Why do people write this shit?

 

No, Sorry, I Don't Have My Key Gringotts by Obamarocks2008 reviews
When he first went to Gringotts, Harry didn't have his key. What would happen if he told the goblin that and was a bit more alert to his surroundings? A Harry Potter/Susan Bones story
Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 278 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 5-13-09 - Harry P. & Susan B.

Just give it a read. It's only 278 words.

 

lolwut ?

I'm gonna quote a review this story got :

QFT, except for the first part.

Also, someone read way too much Indy!Harry :

 

To quote the story:

Cramming so many clichés in so few words? Wow indeed.

Also, lol at the author's name. She does mention in her profile that she'll be on 'vaction' because of 'famial' issues, so I don't think we'll see much more of this story before a long time.

May it last forever.

 

The reviews are more interesting than the story itself...

 

What Draco Malfoy Did On His 29th Birthday A Twitter fic: follow what Draco did on his birthday as he updates on Twitter Bi, COMPLETE, Language, M/F, M/M
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It's pretty safe for work, I guess, if this level of awesome retardation could be called safe. It is exactly what it says.
The erm... 'author' also wrote this gem;

I'm not sure which one is worse, at least the Twitter fic wasn't lying to you in it's summary. Wand Light isn't humourous, darkly or otherwise.

 

Dont you just love it when the reviewer knows whats better for the story than the author? Granted, those cliches might actually make this...er...paragraph better, but still. Still bothers me when I get a review that reads, "Harry should do this, this, this, and get together with this person."

 

Harry Potter and the Cheesecake by quicksilver009 Harry learns a lesson about buying off-brand when he finds a delicious cheesecake. Moral of the story: Only buy from brands you know!Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,484 - Published: 6-23-09 - Harry P. & Voldemort - Complete


I almost put this in the WTF Fics thread, but then I realized it didn't really fit the requirements of S&P.

 

12 reviews for the first chapter.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5168481/1/Shadow_Master

Like most indy stories. Have a look at the first paragraph.

Well known powerful wizards are just some blokes eh?

And now after Very Important People, we have Very Powerful Wizards.

 

I'm not sure I understand the leap between when people read the Harry Potter books and don't see sentences that last a long paragraph, and when idiot authors (if they can even be called that) write and write like that. It really isn't that difficult to write a coherent sentence.

 

Grammar: not just for ritual usage.

 

A New Type Of Magic » by Tari.Tinuviel reviews Zainab is a Muslim 11 year old who has recived a letter to go to Hogwarts... observe as she juggles Religion, School Work, and all the other stuff she has to go through while one of her friends has this Detiny he has to fullfillRated: T - English - Fantasy/Mystery - Chapters: 21 - Words: 47,690 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 7-5-09 - Published: 5-9-09 - OC

It's a Mary Sue with a religious tract.

 

Oh hell yeah.

 

I found it!

Some time ago I posted this summary in the word summaries thread:
"A story of pain and sorrow, not intented for comfort or laughter...a story that remains untold, on of abuse and blood...telling of a shattered girl who learned to twist a heart of stone into one of warm gold. This is not a story for the faint of heart, nor the happy in spirit. But for those who are able to understand what it means to be hurt...to watch as a girl's spirit is shattered like glass upon concrete. Watch as she melts the young master's heart of ice, and watch as she helps him heal. She has no name, but his... is Señor Draco."

But I'd found this in a livejournal without any link to the fic, and I couldn't found it online.

But now I know what happened! Obviously after that summary got out, the author was mocked mercilessly by people who googled "Señor Draco" and changed the summary. But behold, I found it!

Nameless Slave by Russet
THANKS TO FEAR ME101 FOR THE AMAZIN BANNER A story of pain and sorrow, not intented for comfort or laughter...a story that remains untold, on of abuse and blood...telling of a shattered girl who learned to twist a heart of stone into one of warm gold. This is not a story for the faint of heart, nor the happy in spirit. But for those who are able to understand what it means to be hurt...to watch as a girl's spirit is shattered like glass upon concrete.

 

Seven cullens Two Potters Eight Vampireswhat!» by spazzykinns reviews
this is a story that combines harry potter and Twilight! it will be about Harry potter and His Younger Sister adn what happenes when the Cullens come to hogwarts. there will be many many things i am changing from both books! also posted under twilight!
Rated: T - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 11 - Words: 11,403 - Reviews: 20 - Updated: 7-24-09 - Published: 10-14-08 - Harry P.

So, I'm looking to see what new fics there are with Harry as a main character. Half the page is Harry/Draco, so we're off to a bad start. Then I see this...

I really don't have the energy to bother describing exactly why this is crap. The summary alone gives you a decent impression. A few people have, at least, given negative reviews. Hurray for tidbits of faith in humanity.

-x-x-x-x-x-

My search appears to be in vain tonight. Read a semi-okay Harry/Hermione piece and have what appears to be a depressing suicidal take on the end battle waiting to be read. But it's mostly slash or crap at the moment. Like this.

harry potter:tempus retardo by naruto the divine guardian
A different type of time travel story in which Harry goes to the pst in his fathers body super harry
Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,649 - Published: 7-25-09 - Harry P. & James P.

...and this...

The Wolf Whistle by Irishactress reviews
siruis wolf whistles at ginny . harry rushes in on his white horse . rated t for referce to getting it on , but no actual action .
Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 273 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 7-24-09 - Ginny W. & Harry P. - Complete

 

A Candle in the Dark » reviews [COMPLETED] Harry is suffering from depression and Ron, Hermione and Ginny come up with a plan to cheer him up. They return to Hogwarts to find that the ancient wards that protect the castle are failing and that Voldemort could attack at any time. HPCC.Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 15 - Words: 47,549 - Reviews: 154 - Updated: 1-14-04 - Published: 9-6-03 - Harry P. & Cho C. - Complete




This story is utter trash....Read this passage.

I never knew that Cho could be such a slut...lol