I saw a few joke posts, but none that pertained to creating jokes out of the HP universe. So I thought I would start a thread to see what people can come up with. I guess I'll start.

How many Slytherins does it take to light a candle?
Four Slytherins and a Hufflepuff. Four Slytherins to mock the candle and the Hufflepuff to light it.

How many ghosts does it take to light a candle?
None they're dead.

How many Gryffindors does it take to light a candle?
Four Gryffindors and a Hufflepuff. Four Gryffindors to try and bravely light it and while Hufflepuff does it.

Hany Ravenclaws does it take to light candle?
Four Ravenclaws and a Hufflepuff. Four Ravenclaws to intellectually debate the various ways a candle could be lit and how it could be used, and one Hufflepuff to light it.

How many Hufflepuffs does it take to light a candle?
One. They're not idiots.

Well, they may be corney, but I tried my best.

 

Do you have a fetish for Hufflepuffs?

 

I've seen some places that collected HP-related jokes. However, their collections, while being quite large, consisted mostly of at least 100 years old jokes in which the original names, places, etc have been replaced with something from the Potterverse that fitted. As far as I remember, one of the most funny one was along these lines:

When Tom Riddle was young, he often hanged around the orphanage and scrounged cigarettes from the passers-by.
- Excuse me, could you spare me a cigarette?
- And the magic word is..?
- Avada Kedavra!

(My translation may be poor and lack the appropriate idiomatic expressions, for which I am sorry. The source is Russian.)
Clearly not a very entertaining example. I might come back there once and try to salvage something worth of attention, but do not expect anything.

bylfolx's one is actually amusing, but only when coupled with Seratin's reply. Seems like the guy did it himself, which earns him a point; the issue, though, is way too cliche.

I hope we will be graced with a post containing something original.

Oh, and by the way, which house was Flitwick in? I imagine he's proficient enough to light a candle by himself, thus altering one of the abovementioned Q&A's. If, of course, he was not a Hufflepuff himself (though I doubt that).

 

Harry Potter. That is all.

 

I guess I lolled.

 

The Dark Lord and the Death Eaters was raiding a muggle village in northern England, close to the scottish border. Slaughter ensued, they torched the houses, tortured the villagers and raped the women. Once their bloodlust and sadistical whims were sated, it was only the matter of discarding the last of the remaining muggles.
Hence they lined them all up kneeling on the main street of the village. The Dark Lord began to swiftly work his way down the line unleashing bolts of green light at the kneeling villagers. About halfway down the line he encountered a crying, blue eyed, blonde little girl of about seven years. She cried out to the man that had executed her family, her friends and the people she had grown up around, "Don't kill me please, please don't kill me". In a unprecedented show of compassion, the Dark Lord replied "Would you like for me to spare your life for now child?". Surprised at the answer she got, the girl nodded hesitantly, barely believing her own ears. "Very well child, move on to the end of the line".

 

Well that's just mean.

 

Okay, I know my own were corny, but I thought they fairly original. The thread I was trying to create is where people created their own jokes, horrible or not, and posted them. Not taking old jokes and just replacing a few names.

Mine own hump that line, but I modified more than just the names used.

I have another, which I hope people will find funnier.

Why are house-elves forced to where towels that cover their privates?
So pure-blood wizards don't get jealous.

Commence eye-rolling now.

Edit:

No, I can't say that I do. I only used Hufflepuff because they do hard work which I thought fit the jokes.

 

They were. Original, I mean

Yeah, that's better. At least you seem to be the first one from who I've heard it. Cheers for you.

Damn, I really need to contribute more. All right, I'll try to pilfer something from my sources (I'm usually awful at making jokes on a pre-defined theme).

2 BioPlague: what are you trying to convey to us via the facial expressions? Should we expect facepalm.jpg next?

 

I don't get it.

EDIT: OH. That was pretty shit.

 

facepalm.jpg

He's trying to insinuate that the house-elves penises(sp?) are bigger than the pure bloods. Fail joke is fail.

 

Pillowcasesnakes?

 

Think I actually saw a pretty terrible smut fic like that once. I think it may have been slash, but I'm not sure. Anyone else recall this?

 

I remember IP82 using this one Potter's Resistance, but he elaborated a bit. Damn, that was a good fic.

I posted this a while ago in the Humor Mill. They are Harry Potter jokes, but it's more about making fun of the world and the series itself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zp6e0XDR3UQ&feature=related