So things like spelling corrections don't go in the WBA thread any longer?

What does go there, then?

 

Typically, WBA threads are supposed to be for story updates only. Everything else goes in the discussion thread.

 

Alright.

I assumed that any technical issues or story improvement suggestions would still be posted in the WBA thread, to be differentiated from the simple story discussion that goes on in the library threads.

I get it now.



On the new section:

I liked most of it, but Shikaku's line about Naruto having no right to be Vice-Commander because he couldn't win at a board game was a major turn-off.

Using shougi or go or chess as an indication of smarts and ninja skill is one of those little cliches that I absolutely hate in Naruto fanfiction. Shikamaru is not an amazing ninja because he's good at shougi. He's just not.

So I liked the scene, I liked Shikaku's "test" to see if Naruto was ready for his position, but I hated the line Shikaku used along the lines of "if you can't beat me at this, then..."

I'm not sure how you'd change it, but it just seems like a flawed argument to me. Army generals aren't chess grandmasters, and chess grandmasters aren't army generals.

 

I'm very interested in future plans you have for Shikaku. I'm not sure I have been convinced by most portrayals of the Nara clan so it'll be nice to see what you'll do with him.

And I personally enjoyed the game and probably would've enjoyed it more if you tossed in some actual tactics, i.e. maybe Naruto was careless in his attack and neglected his defense thinking his Yagura castle position could not be easily breached. Naturally some people won't like these scenes but...

Oh, come on! I'm fairly sure Taliath didn't intend the game to be a complete and accurate literal representation of Naruto's generalship capacity. I know that, most of his readers know that and I know you know that as well, Howdy.

All it was was a literary device. Of course, no reasonable person would directly transpose performance in one to the other. But chess and its adjuncts in various forms (shougi, chinese chess etc) were played amongst military officials and statesmen of antiquity NOT because they were accurate gauge of their abilities, but because they helped train and sharpen certain skills and features that were useful in war thinking and war making. And it's common to see in literature or biography or what have you such a game being used to clearly and graphically highlight certain features that would be too abstract to cover otherwise.

That is what I'm seeing, a literary illustration appropriately written of what is an abstract concept, Naruto's youth, his inexperience and presumably his shortcomings whatever they may be and in turn Shikaku's strength in those areas.

By all means, Taliath, keep the shougi scene understanding that I'm just as biased as Howdy, but in the other direction.

 

The scene was fine, and I think I said that as well. What turned me off was the argument that Shikaku made. I wouldn't think that Naruto would be this full of self-doubt given what he's been through either. It's not like this is the first time he's been given a command position.

Maybe I'm just too jaded.

Hehe... maybe.

Riiiiight.

 

What I took from that scene wasn't that Naruto was undeserving of the position because of his lack of skill in playing shougi, but that Shikaku laid down a test to see if Naruto was wise enough to acknowledge his own shortcomings and seek out help because of them. Shikaku had the game won from the start, he just used it to see if Naruto had the qualities he needed to be a good commander.

 

I guess what my real issue is is that the author oversimplified what shouldn't have been simple.

Naruto is not a normal thirteen-year-old in this fic, and frankly shouldn't be phased by these sorts of "tests." He's been through this shit already, and despite the ninjas of this world not knowing what a rock star he is, he at least shouldn't be having doubts about his abilities.

I sort of feel like we're backpedaling when it comes to Naruto's development. You wouldn't expect Itachi to have self-doubts like this, I don't think, and despite Naruto having a very different personality than Itachi he took the same career path and gained the same prestige, if not more.

Well, that's all I've got. Hope it made some sense.

 

Is it necessary for every one of you bastards to preface your statements with this every time you agree with what I say?

You're starting to hurt my feelings.

 

I hate to agree with Howdy...but maybe we should back off of Howdy.

But really, I agree. Naruto is a BAMF and shouldn't be thrown off center by this. He wasn't by Inoichi, so he shouldn't by Shikaku.

 

As much as I hate to agree with Howdy, he has a point. We should stop doing this.


Naruto isn't invincible guys. I think he's allowed the right to second guess himself. He's still human, I think.

Personally, I would have preferred if Naruto were unable to recruit Shikaku, simply because the Nara are a little too omniscient in fanfiction... but it's doable, as long as you characterize Shikaku well.

Finally, I'm surprised this was updated and have hope I may see the end of this story yet.

The structure of the latest update is superb, by the way, a great transition from beginning to end, there is nothing clumsy or jarring about it, and the message Shikaku gives us is one that could become a strong recurring theme.

 

Interesting.

I do have a few concerns, however. It looks like you're moving towards a Konoha vs. Orochimaru + Kazekage fight round 2, but if Minato couldn't kill Orochimaru (that aspect of your story hasn't aged well, sadly) then I doubt anyone could in this reality.

Second thing - I like that Danzou was amenable to helping Naruto, but I also believe that canon Danzou isn't entirely self-sacrificing for the sake of Konoha. Just look at what he did during Nagato's invasion. He doesn't have the same selfless character that Sarutobi and Minato did. He's ambitious.

However, I dislike the implications you made at the end of the chapter - namely that Naruto could be controlled by Danzou. It's fairly clear that Danzou never exerted significant influence over Sarutobi in the past, and his attempts to do so at the Kage Summit failed miserably. I disagree that he could control or even strongly influence Naruto. His eye is capable of very small and subtle manipulations, nothing more.

Making Danzou some sort of mind control master is not a good idea. Madara, maybe. Danzou? No.

 

Maybe this is all an assumption by Danzou...

 

For that to be an assumption would destroy Danzou's character. He's supposed to be a clever guy.

 

/facepalm

Howdy. Twice you've posted on the Author's Work only thread and on the same thread too; after some mod or admin spent all that time explaining to you why it isn't a good thing.

You might be one of my favorite authors but man, sometimes you are dumb.

EDIT: If you feel like commenting; http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=11590&page=10

 

A bit disappointed with the new chapter; but given that you're doing this in your spare time; can't complain. Its nice that someone's finally portraying the 4th as someone other then a Gary-stu and gives him a bit more character, but more importantly the intro for Danzo was awesome. Most people nowadays kill off Danzo in the most painful way possible; but one can see the potential in his character. Anko... I've never been fond of her character; she seems so shallow, but I wish you the ebst of luck when using her as a presumably main. All in all, wonderful to see this fic isn't gonna gather dust in a corner. So watching this fic from now on. :>

 

Anything particular that you found disappointing?

 

2 tiny things which really aren't that important in retrospect. The length of the chapter; but given that this is an epic length, a few shorter chapters here and there are inevitable. Second was merely this recruiting drive; I know you gotta do it to get the setup together since you're using few if any of the original cast of Naruto's year, but its starting to drag on imo.

Then again; I'm no writer, and it could be just cause I'm impatient.

 

Ah, I see. Well the chapter length-wise this one's actually one of the longer ones, lol. But I do understand what you mean about the recruitment thing.

In the overall scheme of things, the recruiting is only two chapters long. But I know that the long intervals between updates and the fact that I'm posting in snippets makes things seem a lot more dragged out.

Let me assure you, though, that this is the end of it. The War Division is fully functioning and as such we're back to Naruto in the action. The next chapter will feature Naruto on an A-rank mission to the Fire Capital with one of the rookie teams as an escort (C-rank). Of course, nothing ever stays so innocent with Naruto involved. ^^

And then right after that we launch into the major action with war starting right off the bat.

So. We're finally, finally done with the setup (Thank god!). We can now move the plot forward at a much, much faster rate.