This turns up mostly in just regular text, but occasionally makes it's way into dialogue. "Drug" as the plural of drag, seeing that is usually followed immediately by me clicking the back button.

 

You mean past tense, not plural.

 

"Oh noes, three DE's aproaching from the north. They're shooting AK's. Wands at the ready."

Fuckin' rage.

 

"You can just call me Remus or Moony now, Harry. I'm not your Defence teacher anymore."

"Ok Prof... Moony."

I don't even know why this gets to me. I see it in just about every fic in which a character gets close to an authority figure.

 

Eh, that's a legitimate situation. I do that with Coaches that I'm now friends with, and Dads of girlfriends. If I was friends with any of my teachers outside of school I'm sure it would be the same way. Now, if it's over done and a point of focus in the story, I could see it, but it doesn't upset me too much.

 

"The Headmaster believes that you have gone dark, we should've seen it coming, I mean the similarities between you and you-know-who have always been similiar said (insert order member here)."

This type of line hits on two of my biggest pet peeves, people refering to DD as "The Headmaster" and the cult type attitude that authors give the order members when they don't like, or are unable to, develop a character properly, I mean my god they are professors/aurors for a reason, not some blind followers, I'd like to believe that they are somewhat independent and smart. This type of comment is normally followed by a Super!Harry kicking the shit out of said order member.
or..
"Ssseveruss" hissed the snakelike creature in front of him..
just because he's undergone rituals and is a parselmouth doesn't mean he hisses and slithers.
or..
"Well if it isn't Potty, the Mudblood, and the Blood Traitor.." "Still upset over your dead mut of a godfather Potty?"... "How's Azkaban treating your father Ferret.." "Wait till my father hears about this!"
The dialogue between Harry and Draco in generally done like this and is an immediate fail. It is completly unoriginal and childish, I'd like to think that Draco is smarter than that, it is too Gryfindorish for a Slytherin to act that way.
or..
"Not as rich as the Malfoy's, but it is still enough that you'll never have to work again."
A lot of authors use lines like these to make it sound like although Harry is the "Dumbledore of his generation" he still is a normal, upper class guy. It's infuriating, who says the Malfoy's are super rich anyways?

 

The problem is, that's exactly the sort of stupid crap he says in canon. That's why he's a failure at life.

 

I said slave, not Jar Jar Binks.

Their big fucking mansion is a clue.

 

Yeah, they have a big mansion, that doesn't mean they are the equivalent of say Bill Gates, it just means they have money as a family. The point is when an author uses the Malfoys as a way to measure someone's wealth it's annoying and overused.

 

They have Peacocks. They're filthy rich, get over it.

 

This.

Here's an example that I've always internally raged over:

Sigh. Then, there are usually a few Mary-Sue like references inside the guy's head, with something along the lines of "womanly curves" and "filled out in all the right places" and "frizzy hair tamed into smooth waves," or rot like that.

Cringe, cringe, cringe.

 

Lol who said anything about Bill Gates? I don't start with him as a point at which I can finally say, "Oh, NOW they're rich." If someone had 1000x less* money than Gates, would you still say they aren't extremely wealthy?

* That figure would be $56 million, btw

A family that (a) has a big fucking mansion, (b) can afford to casually bribe the highest government officials, (c) physically abuse their hired help, (d) outfit some dumb kids with professional-level brooms -- that's a family with a shit-ton of wealth. Just as Fleur is the canon-proven babe, the Malfoys are the only canon-proven super wealthy family.

 

I'd still add the Black family to that list, as Sirius casually buys the most expensive broom on the market before international quidditch teams can even afford them.

 

I'm not sure, does it say he actually bought the broom? He was a fugitive at the time.

 

That's extremely nitpicky, but no - it is not specified that he purchased it with his money.

 

Kinda begs the question...where DID he get the broom? Not like a fugitive could stroll into a broom store and pick one out. And if he didn't buy it, did he give his godson stolen property?

Back on topic: The ones that annoy me the most are mocking nicknames for Dumbledore, such as Dumbledork and Dumbles.

 

He used his Visa.

 

Sirius strikes me as more of a master card kind of person.

 

If I remember correctly, he had Hermione's cat place an order for one via a note. I'm guessing he then somehow talked to the goblins and got the money transferred from his account or something? That's how I always figured he did it.

To the others.

"I can get...I can get...I can get..."

"GODDAMN IT! I can get satisfaction AND laid! Even in the...even in the...fuck it."