Snape is far too obsessed with Harry. At the very beginning, he seeems to have been keeping track of Harry without even having met him. You would think he would do his best not to think about the fucker, but no, he een marks his special calender for it.

Snapes obsession, alongside Harry's super abilities, make me give this a 3.5/5, rounded up to 4/5. It's not bad enough for the Recycling Bin, but I would rather wait to see if it should be in the Library.

 

Ok, so Veritaserum won't work on Lucius, unless you can catch him asleep (won't happen). How about you grab some dumb low ranking DE and have them tell everything about the DE business they participated in, how Lucius talked, behaved, etc. I don't believe they don't have very incriminating things to say about him that would prove the things he did were for his own benefit and of his own free will (that he himself planned them, that he enjoyed them, etc.). Hell, they had DEs in Azkaban. Aurors can do whatever needs to be done to interrogate them in a way that prevents them from resisting Veritaserum (stunning them from behind and dosing them while they're out, for example). I'm sure Bella knows lots of stuff about Lucius. Where he hides his Dark artifacts, for example. How he rapes mudbloods and what he does with the bodies. That kind of stuff. She could probably testify that it's impossible to get her master's mark without volunteering to serve her master who would soon return and smite all you blood traitors and muggle lovers!

I consider this JKR's plot hole number 2147483647.

 

It gets to a whole new level of creepyness when he (indwardly) goes on about Harry's eyes...

 

True. All you have do is look at the writers stories and favorites. If anyone expects anything but sunshine to shine from Snapes ass then this isn't the fic for you.

 

that's why i am wary about beginning this fic: his favorites have a lot of snape, a lot of teacher/student, and a lot of "dark is hot" kind of thing.

 

The fic is awsome. It doesn't have an overly gay Dumbledore and definitely makes Harry look like a normal child rather than a little three legged puppy. The story is nice, but takes a bit too long to get where it needs to go. The characters are welll developed though slightly OOC which is fine as it's an AU fic. 5/5

 

I rarely enjoy mentor Snape fics, up until this point there has only been two others that I considered worth a damn. This story flows very well and kept me engrossed enough to finish it in one sitting rather than reading a few chapters and wandering off to do something else, a rarity in itself. I look forward to more of this one. 4.5/5

 

Maybe it's just me, but the dialogue didn't read well. I guess it's too formal or something. For example:

"Don’t wait dinner for us. Mr Potter and I have a great deal of business to transact, and we shall be dining in town." Is this how Snape really talked in canon? Using the word shall in that manner all the time? I'm in the 3rd chapter and he's already used it about 6 times in speech and once in his thoughts.

Is this just me?

 

It's not just you. I think the dialogue reads well, but only if you accept the fanon premise that Snape is some sort of aristocratic pureblood with Victorian manners and prissiness.

The only time he waxes eloquent in canon is when he's describing potions or the dark arts. The rest of the time he's just an oily, hook-nosed bastard who sneers a lot and insults everyone in sight. Plus he's a half-blood who was raised in an abusive, impoverished muggle household. Severitus writers tend to forget that.

It doesn't ruin this particular story for me, though. This is about as good as it gets when it comes to Snape-as-mentor.

 

The proper speech didn't overly bother me. The dialogue in the first couple chapters was painful however. As was Harry's 'awesome new pad'. Dumbledore's obliviousness was quite over done, for the Dumbledore the auhor is presenting I was expecting more of a suave, charismatic, misleading persona.

The author's dialogue, and details in the writing style improved exponentially as time and chapters went on. And we're finally at Hogwarts. A solid 4/5 from me.

And the recurance of Super!Runes. Blargh. Though if it ties well to the depth the author is giving McGonigal I think I'll get over it.

 

There could be a reason for that.

He was in Slytherin, and he was in the service of the Dark Lord.

His dialogues ought to be a bit refined if he had interactions with them.

 

I think darklordmike said it best--as Snape-mentoring-Harry stories go, this is about as good as it gets.

Sure, Snape seems more refined in this than in canon, but that's better (imo) than having a static Snape who only ever sneers and insults anyone he comes into contact with. Sure, he's showing more compassion than most would expect, but that can be explained in two ways. One, he's seeing Harry as the child of the one woman he ever loved and never got over, and two, he's relating to Harry's predicament of abuse and neglect because of his own experiences. I'm inclined to accept it and move on.

The runic aspect (and Harry's quickly being able to use them in a threshold) doesn't bother me at all. It lays the groundwork for a Harry who doesn't take the useless class of Divination, and who will work hard to be a better wizard than in canon. It also helps with McGonagall's slightly different characterisation and grounds her into Harry's life, even if she won't be his HoH.

As far as the pacing goes, I think this is done as well as it could be. It gives Harry a chance to really learn something about the wizarding world, and enforces his curiousity about it. Many of us have felt that had we been introduced to magic and a whole new world at the age of eleven, we'd learn as much as we could about it all; this Harry seems primed to do that.

The Malfoy bit is weird to me, though. Probably because he was such an ass in canon, and in this story we get to see him in a totally different light. There's plenty of room to fuck this up, of course, but I'm gonna give the author a chance.

Anyway, tl;dr...It's good. 4/5

 

Excellent recommendation. I've read all chapters that have been posted thus far. I like how McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Narcissa are portrayed as well as, of course, Snape.

I'd like to see what happens when there's conflict between Harry and Snape first before rating it officially. Unofficially, it's currently 4 stars.

 

I finished the first chapter and absolutely loved it so far. The first line of this story is "Harry Potter was coming to Hogwarts. He was coming soon". However from looking at other reviews, I'm made to think that line is used to taunt the readers after 100k words.

 

And where exactly is the canon in this? Low ranking death eaters? Fanon concept. You're making an awfully lot of assumptions by the fanon-made concepts you've brainwashed yourself with. You're also making no sense at all. This probably didn't merit a response at all, but oh wells.

Most of the good and bad about this story has already been said. But I second the 'too long' motion. It just keeps dragging on and on. I believe it extremely unlikely for the author to finish this, or all the seven years, if he's planning that.

 

I am not a big fan of Snape mentor, but up until CH 10 this was pretty good. It gets iffy afterward, getting far too AU.

 

Okay, I sat down and read straight to chapter 20 of this fic. So that should indicate that I think it is good.

Over all the grammar is good. That is always a plus. On the bad side Snape's language seems a bit stilted and overly formal. However in this story it doesn't seem to be much of a problem. He actually sounds quite like an English teacher I had in High School using the language correctly and avoiding slang. I find it refreshing compared to the general oily greasy bastard caricature that he usually is.

Over all I'll give this a rare 5/5 rating. It is one of the better fics I've read.

 

How odd: to find a Snape-mentors-Harry fic that isn't drivel.

The characterization is all either in accordnace with canon, or canon-like with depth.

I'm at chapter 11, and the story's at about early-to-mid August 1991, and yet it doesn't creep. It's not long-winded, but the chapters actually have fully develped scenes.

I'm in such shock that I'm giving it a 5/5, but I reserve the right to adjust it.

So what's next, a worhty Harry/Ginny or slash fic?

 

Why the hell does this thread have a tag saying Snape Porn?

 

Hufflepuff?!!?! what the f...? still it is one of the better fics out there and well, the reasoning and Sprout's talk was not bad either. anyhow i am looking forward to new chapters.