Sentinel Review Thread

Sentinel is in the Dresden Work by Author section. Enjoy, and leave your reviews here, please.

 

Review thread has been created. Here.

Could a mod please move all of the reviews over to that thread? Thank you.

 

I'm liking this. The first version was good, but this one looks like it will be ten times better if you can keep the pacing realistic. Also, Grats on moving the opening scene from the DoM. The Veil as a dimensional portal is a little over used.

If I'm remembering The Otherside correctly, the White Council was a smidge too lax about Harry's appearance. Sure they were suspicious, but I would have thought they would have been freaking out about killing things with a spell that appeared to be made for no other purpose. Just thought I'd point it out in hopes that you weren't planning the same thing for Sentinel.

Great job on the fight scene, can't wait to see where you're going to take this one.

 

More HP/DF crossovers are always appreciated and anything by Sammy Black always goes down well in my book. You pointed it out yourself that you don't tend to go for transfiguration much in your fight scenes and I think that's a strong point. Transfiguration and conjuration are the two most hole-ridden concepts in JK's HP they are capable of astounding feats and no limits seem to be set and many authors go over the top with it. By ignoring the art entirely I think you do well to avoid that difficulty in the first place.

 

Meatz-

Did you lose a nut, or took the wrong turn at Albuquerque?

 

I did indeed that was supposed to be an edit for the Harry/Meciel Harry/Omanda debate thingie but I screwed up and attached it to this post for some silly reason. I blame no sleep, large amounts of caffeine and shitting a brick in excitement about the Superbowl.

PS fixed it, only your post will record the screw up for posterity

 

Anything to help. Now on to bugging Sam for moar.

Though I think he may be dropping some eaves.

 

His light's a flashing so he's merrily trawling away somewhere.

But yes MOAR is definitely the right word, and if I might make a request could you make it so Harry likes explosions as well as fighting things and whatnot, pandering to my own pyromaniacal fantasies it may be and obviously impossible to work in the story at this stage really, more explosions would be most appreciated.

Also I don't really have a problem with the fights as they are other than Harry seems a little feeble as Taure & co pointed out, but HP wizards have a tendency of cowering before what inevitably turn out to be a bunch of useless pansies (Death Eaters and Aurors are my proofs of this) and as such their power and scariness is overplayed within that society.

 

Lol, yes, I'm here. I'm a lurking away. I've gota urge to work on Sentinel, but with all of the festivities tonight, it might notbe the best time.

 

So I just re-read this, and I saw something I missed the first time. Forgive me if it's already been pointed out, but you use "demons" rather than "demon's" several times when showing possession. Other than that, I'm definitely looking forward to more.

 

Ah, thanks for pointing that out. Update wise, I've been working, but school has consumed my life a lot more then I thought it would. I'll probably try to finish it tonight or tomorrow, but it's looking like I won't have as much time to write as I thought I was going to.

 

Good part chapter, I reckon you got the insanity down right and I didn't notice any spelling/grammar mistakes. The style was a bit confusing at first but then I worked out what was happening and it was fine. The disjointed/compressed bits worked well with the way you were trying to portray him.

All in all a good chapter. I don't have any complaints as of this time, though I'd prefer the rest of the chapter before you do some work on Immortalis. It just annoys me seeing half done chapters being left to rot for a while.

 

I enjoyed it as well. I liked the use of, what you called intentional grammar and spelling mistakes.

They give off the air of confusedness nicely.

 

SamB- Liked this rewrite of the Outsider scene. It is much more realistic. At first the un-spaced words annoyed me, like the first two sentences or so, but when I started seeing the pattern it was very good.

The only thing that made me wary was the "clamoring voices." Emphasis on the plural. What I liked in your AN was the mention of the Outside being the antithesis of everything that is in the mortal domain. His mind going through that would be screwed up like anything, but it would be fun if the clamoring voice in his head is the "antithesis" of "Harry Potter" instead of random madness or Outsiders that might have latched on to him.

Either way, curious what you will do with this. I like the changes you are making.

 

From the Outside back, a mind torn apart and thrown back together with no rhyme nor reason. Only danger patched it.


Looking good.

Like N said: An antithesis of HP in his head would present an interesting contrast to what HP would normally do. killriptear indeed

 

It's still my option that there are not enough HP/Dresden fic's out there, so I'am more then happy to read a new one and what is even better it's a good one.
I like how Harry was sent right into battle in the "new" world, even if its not the first time someone has done it I still like it.

 

Lol. Nice update. And I SO saw that coming, Harry breaking a law.

Keep up the good work and gove us MOAR!

 

Good. I friggin hate how everyone seems to be so darn accepting of the fact that wizards commonly erase the memories of others. Why the hell would someone raised by muggles like Harry be so okay with that. I could somewhat understand if you were raised in the wizarding world knowing from birth about wizards erasing other peoples memories but living in the muggle world and then finding out about that sorta thing should be god awful. I always wondered why Harry didn't react badly to the thought of erasing other peoples minds.

I think it would actually be sorta funny if you ended this story with Harry being beheaded for erasing other peoples memories lol.

 

It doesn't bother Harry for a multitude of reasons, one of them being that as long as you know what you're doing, the Obliviate spell is safe, and essentially harmless. More then that, it's useful.

 

Meh I guess some people just put more importance on the privacy of a person's mind then others. I don't care if it's "safe" the fact that a person is having their memories erased is bad enough. I think even if erasing memories was less dangerous in Dresdenverse Jim Butcher would still have the White Council execute people for erasing memories and manipulating peoples minds. I think it is simply Jim Butchers take on mind magic vs JK Rowlings. One thinks it would be a heinous crime while the other thinks it isn't morally wrong at all.