Will Harry be trying to convince his parents and uncles to give him lessons during the summer after the whole transfer is done with?

Lily giving advanced charms lessons. Lily always wants Harry to study and their really is no reason for her not to accept giving Harry lessons aside from it being wrong to do magic during break even if the Ministry can't track it at their house because of the Fidielus. However after hearing of the bullying Harry went through at Hogwarts she will probably want her son to be more prepared.

James giving advanced transfiguration lessons. This is easy they never spend enough time together since they like different things therefor Harry can convince his dad that they can bond over transfiguration since James is so good at it. James probably won't care about the underage magic use thing.

Lupin giving advanced DADA lessons. He seems like the type who would feel honored that someone would want him to teach them.

Somehow convincing Sirius to allow him to look at the Black Family library. Although I don't know how this would be possible. If you actually DO manage this correctly I will be really surprised. The Black Family library probably has some of the coolest Dark Arts ever. You can also have Sirius give Harry knowledge of some magic that is somewhat in the middle "gray" area that Sirius would be okay with learning and teaching. Sirius seems the type that would do it if you praise him enough. Harry can just tell him how he wants his coolest uncle to teach him stuff.

It would be funny if he convinces them all seperately and they find out that Harry is getting lessons from them all by themselves.

I am sooooooooooooooo glad the author decided to give Harry his own compartment on the train even though he was late. I hate how in canon they had Ron say all the other compartments were full just cause he was late. That makes it sound as if they barely have enough room for all the students and could only fit another 4 or 5 on the train. Has their never been a larger amount of students at the school then 4 or 5 more students? Their should be loads of empty compartments so that if their is a larger group of students that year they could fit them in.

Also while I dislike the one scene in the library where Hermione tells Harry she won't do his homework since it doesn't really fit in with the story I have to say those two not getting along makes sense. Hermione seems to loathe anyone who trumps her intellect. As well as two egg heads don't always get along. I think they may be smart but they have two vastly different personalities. Hermione believes everything she reads and recites it verbatim. Harry on the other hand is very hands on and is willing to learn from books but not always trust what they say since they can be wrong since their written by normal human beings who CAN make mistakes. Not to mention her saying she wouldn't do his homework as if he couldn't do it himself means she questioned is intellect and questioning his intelligence seems like it would be the gravest insult you can give to this Harry Potter since he prizes himself on his knowledge. It's his way of being his own man and not being in his brother's shadow.

 

"This daughter, Ginny, she will be ..." - This is our daughter, Ginny, she will be ...

"I try not to comprehend why Albus" - probably you just meant "contemplate".

It seems to me your BWL is canon!Harry and the OC should be named Nathan Potter, the intelligent and ambitious brother of the boy who lived.

For a protagonist who has two living and loving parents and a caring twin brother, your OC is very isolated. Maybe the introverted geek type. When he had problems adjusting in school he could have written a letter to his mother. James apparently didn't grow up much and is the kind of dad Ron would adore, but Lily would understand, even if she was a Gryff herself. It has been three and a half months and his parents don't know about his issues with school? All he ever wrote home was "I'm doing fine, my grades are good, I didn't get detentions or lose points" and they didn't consider that anything is wrong? Lily should have known better.

Hermione taking not being the best badly was caused by getting used to being the best and basing her self esteem off being the best. If she met an intellectual equal at an earlier age, she would have adjusted earlier and learned to compete instead of to dominate and condescend.

The Ginny bashing was in character and a bit of a fan service with the DLP crowd. I'm ambivalent toward this.

@Jigokuno:
I think the author implies that Ravenclaws like to get help on their homework and seeing her in the library a lot decided to ask to study together. She, like the protagonist, assumed that people wanting to study together only want to copy your answers and snapped at him.

 

I wonder who Rita Skeeter's article's would villainize if both Harry and his twin's names came out of the goblet illegally... Would Nathan get all of the press, as the BWL, or Harry, as a supposed Dark Arts practitioner?

 

You guys are forgetting about this. If his mother considered sending him there, she won't be against the idea now, as long as his son is happy. We also have no evidence that would make James look like the usual super-dark-magic-hater we see in some fics. I think the main point would be that parents want their child to be happy, and even thought he would like both his sons at the school where he grew up, he would eventually give in and allow the transfer.

Also, I hated the scene where Harry wants to talk with his brother and Hermione decides to open her big mouth. And even worse was the part where she followed them. If anyone ever tried to be bitchy and prevent/follow me when I want to talk to my brother in private, I would
punch said person in the face.

The creepy-fan line was pure win, and I vote for strong ginny-bashing in the future. Even without any reason to do so.

 

I believe it was Sirius's mother that wanted to send Sirius to Durmstrang not Harry's mother wanting to send Harry.

 

Hey there. Great story. I really love the pacing as it is just like a published novel in terms of quality. However I would like a little more description if that is okay.
Anyways, good work. I am hooked and I hope you update soon! 5/5

 

Oooops? My point still stands, theres no dark magic hate so far from his parents, and that crap is almost as bad as the usual "imperius can save a life speech"

 

This is pretty close to what I was going for in that scene. Apparently I didn't do a very good job with it though as a lot of people have different opinions on it.

We never see Hermione follow Harry and Nathan after the Troll incident, it's just mentioned later. I didn't see it as being a big deal just Hermione concerned for her new friend. She doesn't interfere with their conversation and only talks to Nathan about it after Harry leaves.

Yeah, Lily and James won't be irrational haters of the Dark Arts. They will be concerned for what Harry is learning at times, but there won't be any over the top crazy rhetoric about how only 'light' magic is acceptable.

 

I'm most curious about how the TWT will play out with all of this.

If you make it two students from each school you have to change the tournament too. Instead of it being a tournament based on individual feats maybe it should instead focus on a team work aspect as well as individual talent.

As for Harry actually getting into the tournament; Durmstrang allows for academic advancement so if he's 14 years old and in with the 7th years all he really needs is Parent/Guardian approval.

I think at that point neither Lily nor James would really have an inkling that Harry isn't who they think he is. If he came up to them with a permission slip to "travel with his school to witness the tournament," they probably would just take his word for it and sign the slip unknowing that the paper they just signed was a magically binding contract to allow him to participate. Their reactions when they find out that Harry tricked them would be great.

The TWT would also be a great time for when everyone starts to realize what Harry is becoming when they see him using questionable magic.

Anyway, the story is good so far. It's only two chapters and I can already tell it's better than every other Twin Who Lived fic. 4/5 because of it's length, but keep it up and it will be 5/5.

 

Maybe it's just me then, but that scene really made me wish to punch her. I mean, there are boundaries where you are just concerned and when you're meddling in places you shouldn't be. Ron gave me the same feeling, telling Nathan that seeking his brother was a waste of time, just as we see in other scenes. Seriously, I know 11year old kids are stupid, but if I knew my "best" friend rarely had time to talk/see his brother(twin brother at that) I would get out of the way when they had the opportunity to do it. Not get in their way just to go exploring.

I got the feeling that Ron/Hermione were helping the potter twins drift apart those few chapters, and I got annoyed by that. It also annoyed me that two brothers, who never had anyone besides their family(fidelius charm remember?) would let their sibling alone as soon as they made some friends.

Or maybe they are just fucked up.

Good job so far though, and I hope the next chapter come up soon

 

Yeah good call on James and Lily not being haters of all things Dark Magic. You've made Lily it seems too smart to just want to beat Harry and kick him out of the house. Not sure about James though... is he an Auror? If so I'm guessing 'Dark Magic' is something he may use on occasion.

It does seem like you might've set up the Lily and Snape friendship so she can ask him for help with Harry in the future. I'm hoping Harry takes after his father when it comes to Snape.

Besides all Harry wants to do is learn, so couldn't his parents find a better way for him to do that, if Hogwarts is not willing; rather than sending him off to Dumstrung?

 

I am also glad you decided not to go with the mindless Dark Magic hatred for the Potters. I can definetly understand them argueing the point about him changing schools after one term at the school they attended but even that point is null and voided when he explains to them the trouble he is going through and how the school is pitting him and his brother against each other.

I wish their was a way for Harry to get his hands on a Time Turner like Hermione got in 3rd year. Harry would be smart enough to use it like if you had two days in one day and simply work twice as long and sleep twice as long. He would need two beds but I am sure that is a easily solveable problem. If Karkaroff knows Voldemort is interested in Harry he might just figure out a way for Harry to use a Time Turner to get ahead. It would also completely null and void the whole age line for the Triwizard Tournament. Also I have never seen a good Harry Potter story make use of the Time Turners effectively. I wish someone would try.

 

eh? I don't think he would trick them into signing a magical binding contract. He is a dark magic user not a reincarnation of Salazar Slytherin. All he would have to do is remind his parents that he is 14 yet in 7th year and that seems like a good enough reason to allow your kid to enter. If they can skip a couple years of schooling because they are that good I can't see why you wouldn't allow them to try their luck. Safety being the best reason not to allow them but since he is so advanced even that is a moot point.

Also I don't think TWT would be a good place for him to show off questionable magic. Don't you think it would be a bit dumb to start throwing killing curses around with a audience watching?

 

Because, like you said, he's 14. No parent in their right mind would willingly allow their child to participate in an event that has killed people. It doesn't matter if his knowledge is the equivalent of a 7th year, he's still an under aged kid that needs parent/guardian approval to do anything, and this is something I can't see Lily willingly agreeing with.

I said questionable magic, not blatantly dark magic. Not all Dark magic revolves around the Unforgivables. It would be other little things like that cutting curse that Quirrell was talking about.

 

Yes, Ron is extremely jealous of Harry's friendship and doesn't want to share being Harry's friend with anyone but Hermione. He does it in canon, but in Weasley bashing stories it's more prominent. Ron is lazy and has huge self esteem issues. But he's also ambitious, it's just that he's too lazy to actually do the things that would earn him the stuff he wants (Head Boy, Quidditch Captain, career, etc.). His only claim to fame is being the BWL's best friend, and he guards it. Canon!Harry never knew anyone so Ron completely monopolized him on the train and that was that - it took Harry years to make friends with Neville, a much better pureblood friend. In this story, the BWL was raised under Fidelius and doesn't know how to make friends (Why would James and Lily isolate the childen? They at least should have played with other Order members' children) and the protagonist is an introverted geek, apparently. So Ron does the same thing - monopolizing, telling people how close he and the BWL are, making excuses why they shouldn't include anyone else. A twin brother is a much greater danger to Ron's position as the BWL best friend than shy Neville or flat-chested!Ginny.

Hermione is a bit of the same, because the BWL is the first person to befriend her, ever. He also forced Ron to accept her, unconsciously. Looking out for her new first friend is not out of character. Keep in mind that all of them are indeed socially handicapped compared to normal eleven year old kids who went to school for five years before Hogwarts.

Timeturner: a very risky move on the author's part. Easy to abuse, slippery slope, etc.

Quirrel: If the Quirrel situation is resolved in a similar fashion to canon, when will the protagonist find out that his mentor was a host to Voldemort? Then he will be able to consider the implications and the motivations behind the lessons and the advice. But will the BWL tell his brother the summer after first year?

 

I know Time Turner is risky but no one has ever done it well and it's a fairly powerful magical device to not take advantage of in FanFic.


Also I have been wondering about canon timeline as well. I think Nathan won't have as much luck as Harry in fighting Quirril. Not only is this story more realistic that a kid shouldn't even be able to get close enough to a powerful wizard to actually burn his face using blood magic his mother's sacrifice gave him but in this story he doesn't even HAVE his mother's sacrifice. Not to mention Harry in canon had a tough life and would probably have been less frightened of Voldemort then a Nathan Potter raised by his family probably hearing stories about how powerful Voldemort is. So I think Nathan should be defeated easily however not killed since Voldemort should be weary of trying to kill him without fully knowing the prophecy after what happened last time. When he tries to make his escape he should be beaten by Dumbledore and company.

Second year I want Ginny to die. Or atleast things not go well for Nathan. The simple fact of the matter is canon Harry shouldn't have been that lucky to win and Nathan is very much like canon Harry. Ginny dieing could be a wake up call for Nathan to grow up especially after fighting a teenage Voldemort and losing. The only reason he survives this encounter is once again he is rescued. I think Parseltongue could have words mimic'd but not fully know the language. So if they know the password is open they should be able to easily translate it using magic however it's like Gobbledygook when it comes to actually knowing it except instead of goblins being nearly the only ones who know the language it's snakes making it even harder to learn since snakes can't translate the words to english like goblins could for the right price.

This also brings up another good point. How will Harry gain Parseltongue? Will he borrow his father's notebooks on the subject of animagus transformations and have a snake animagus and Parseltongue being one of the human abilities he gains from it?

Third years POA events can be totally skipped. Their is no way Ron has a rat named Scabbers. It would be lunacy for Peter to hide at the Weasly family home when Sirius Remus and James are all alive and well and could spot him.

 

I like the story a lot so far. Try to write your own story and don't follow all the suggestions here cause a lot of them are crap.

I like the fast pace of the story and I hope it will go on for a while because otherwise I fear that it will be hard to actually finish the story.

And keep the Time Turner out. It's lame.

 

Right after a shopping trip he makes an inheritance test in Gringotts, discovers that he is heir of Merlin, four founders (but his biological parents and brother are not!), and God knows who else. He'll get not only the ability to talk with snakes, but also his core will grow dramatically. He will also gain a thousand years of knowledge and experience, an über-wand (or staff, maybe), wandless magic capability and a spike of insight so he can discover that Dumbledore lied to him (it doesn't matter that they never exchanged a word)!

Uhh, what a retarded idea is it to have Harry learn such an useless skill on purpose?

 

Hold the phone.

Since when does the Goblet of Fire require parental consent?

All the author has to do is put Harry at Hogwarts for whatever reason - possibly as someone mentioned as a seventh year student who simply has to be there to continue courses - and the whole parent thing can be circumvented entirely.

 

err... I have a little question. How did Nathan defeat Voldmrt when he was 1 yrs old?