I'm of the opinion that there are so many loopholes in canon, you could wrap them around the world 3 times.

Particularly in character interaction and such.

Screw'em.

 

Very nice chapter. I hope Harry ends up going to Durmstrang, if only because there aren't any good fics that do that (at least none that I've come across).

5/5, kind of a cocktease update though .

 

Just thought I'd point out, timeturners are not necessarily a bad plot device, only badly used.(Both by JKR, and the majority of fanfic authors.)

Take a gander(if you havn't already) at "wastelands of time." Probably the best use of a timeturner in HP fanfic that I have ever read.

 

Fuck. I'm in need of a fix for my nerdish reading habit, and this is the only thing that's been updated in a while. I'm gonna read it all from chapter two onwards, then I'll review.

I'm going to restrain from pointing out all the errors that I see, but this one really grinds my gears;

There is no reason at all to point out that he is using his usual stutter. I have seen few if any writers avoid doing this, and it pisses me off to no end.

Otherwise, the only thing I will comment on is that Harry's housemates are very much out of character. Being in Ravenclaw house shows that they are 'sharp of wit', yet the second Harry mentions his brother, they go googly-eyed.

If you'd like a complete version of all the errors, I'd gladly type it up, but I'd rather not waste the time unasked.

Second edit: I rather like how your writing has improved. There are fewer errors in this latest segment, and your writing is much more clear. The characterizations have evolved from the hallow bases they were at the start, and most characters now seem realistic.

Voldemort still has a very cartoonishly evil to him, however. Sure, his plan looks sound, but he doesn't seem to be thinking very big. This is a dark sorcerer who has been half-living for the past ten years; one would think he wouldn't have the patience to watch this little twerp go through his teenage life before becoming evil.

 

Good update, I am excited for Harry to get to Durmstrang so the story can really start to pick up.

 

While part of me really just wants Harry to stay at Hogwarts where he can continuously shit on the student population, I understand your goal of getting Harry to Durmstrang. I really hope you can keep this same quality of writing with a large heap of OC's.

As usual though, superb chapter, the dialogue between Harry, his parents and the professors was really well done in my eyes. I can only wait to see how this all fleshes out.

 

Not really. We don't have much on their characters to judge, so he's free to make as he wishes. We do know that in the first book, Canon Harry dealt with whispers whenever he walked by other students. Adding his parent's of considerable fame alive and little public contact gives this happening.

 

"Harry blushed and wandered away, leaving the adults, and Sirius, to discus whatever it is that adults talk about."

I like how you didn't have Sirius included in the adults category here. It was amusing.

I am not sure how I feel about the Durmstrang situation right now. You had them planning on discussing Harry's education immediatly after dinner then at dinner time Harry gets his acceptance letter. That is too big of a coincidence. Perhaps if you had Voldemort know about the meeting then getting Karkaroff to send it right before then that might make sense however it is way too big of a coincidence for it to happen right before the meeting. Also why is he given less then a week to accept going to Durmstrang? That seems a bit rushed.

Also you never told us whether Harry learned German or not. You said he could learn it within a week with some spells however you never showed us even a hint that he used those spells to learn it. Since the chapter isn't done yet you could still fit in a scene or two detailing the learning of German before the winter break.

"“What!” James and Nathan exclaimed simultaneously while Sirius simply stared at his godson incomprehensibly. "

Also is Sirius the godfather of both Harry and Nathan? Is Remus the godfather of either of them? That seems a little harsh to name Sirius the godfather of both of them but Remus not be the godfather of either. Unless you include Werewolf laws that don't allow him to become a godfather then you can simply have it state legally that Sirius is the godfather of both but Remus unofficially is the godfather of one of them. I would prefer Harry since Remus and Harry seem to have more in common.

Dumbledore says he found out from a contact the response would arrive today. How could he have known the response would arrive before the meeting after dinner? Wouldn't they have had to wait for the response to arrive before getting started?

Also in your story the Dark Arts is just powerful magic that can be used to kill right? Not magic that taints the soul or makes you evil right?


Hmmmm I like how the discussion about Harry's education was carried out. His parents were mad and understanding at all the right places. Obviously they would be skeptical of letting Harry go to a school where a Death Eater is the Highmaster.

"“I’m not stupid, sir, I’m not going to be walking around at night unsupervised. Plus, don’t the Professors at Durmstrang have to take oaths that they won’t harm a student and grade fairly? Since they usually only accept purebloods, Durmstrang had to make sure that feuds between families wouldn’t spill over between faculty and students.” "

Not a big deal but the oath should also include not harming other faculty and choosing faculty without taking personal grudges into account. The latter would easily help rise it's level of prestige because the school would choose teachers based on how well they can teach not their personal opinions of the person. Also for the former what if faculty disliked each other and started fighting. They are in a school so they might harm the children therefor a oath would be needed. Since your getting them to take oaths might as well have them take all the logical ones.

"“You can say anything in front of Sirius and I, Harry,” Remus said softly. “You know that.” "

Why did Remus and Sirius need to leave? I could understand Nathan but not those two. I don't think they would tease Harry over it and he is obviously closer to them then the deputy headmistress so I would think they have more of a right to know and he would feel more comfortable telling them. Nathan on the other hand I can understand not telling. He would rightfully feel guilty about how he ignored his brother and how his brother is suffering because of his fame.

I like how you explained the Ravenclaws animosity towards Harry. I was gearing up for a rant about how Flitwick or his parents didn't say anything about Harry using the word hate for how the other Ravenclaws feel about him but you burst my rant later on in the convo.

"“And then,” Harry continued angrily, “after they realized I’m smarter than them, they started saying all kinds of awful things about me behind my back! Then they had the gal to be upset with me when I refused to help them do their homework the day it’s due. I hate them, sir. I hate them!”"

The last two small sentences seem off. It should be something like "I hate them, sir. I hate them all!" it seems weird just repeating hate twice but the second time without sir.

You might want to mention something in the discussion where they mention him trying to make friends with people in other houses and he mentions the Hermione episode. I don't know why but how Hermione treated him makes me dislike her greatly in this story.

"“I, Harry, I'm sorry,” Lily had tears in her eyes. “I will not allow you to be persecuted by Igor Karkaroff! The answer is – ”"

He can't be treated unfairly by the staff. Therefor her comment is strange. Although Harry's reply makes sense however their should have been no need for Harry to remind her of the oath the teachers take. He can't be punished unfairly so corporal punishment would only happen if he broke the rules. He CAN'T be persecuted.

It would have been weird having Dumbledore compare Harry to Grindewald. Since Grindewald and Dumbledore were butt buddies. That would mean Dumbledore would want to have wild and crazy butt secks with Harry and that goes in the Restricted Section if they even allow slash stories on DLP lol.

Despite all my criticism I liked this update.

8/10

 

I think Harry should demonstrate competence in second and third year material (more than one subject). They wouldn't just believe he was really that advanced based on his word and him being seen with a book in his lap. Reading a book and mastery of the material (application, not recitation) are very different things.

Also, his chief complaint (before he reveals the social situation) is being bored in class. This is immature. Instead of complaining about being forced to sit through boring lessons on material he already knows, he should complain about being forced to waste valuable time on repeating lessons instead of advancing. He could have a stated goal like "doing OWLs next year" and then he could say that not only Hogwarts won't allow him to sit the exams even if the professors were sure he knew the material but that sitting in regular classes would take time away from achieving the goal. And he should state he wants to do OWLs early because he wants to get to learn the more interesting magic quicker, not for bragging rights, because that is also immature.

Another thing is that when considering allowing a kid to skip a grade, the social situation should be taken into account. If he is studying with kids a few years older, they are already experiencing puberty while he doesn't. Being a child among teenagers (even if he's as smart as they or smarter) may do him more harm than having to sit through boring classes. McGonagall and Lily would know this.

I've noticed a number of spelling/grammar mistakes, but I didn't write them down. I'll make a list for the next/final version.

EDIT:

Languages are best learned by immersion. I thought the spell was a fancy translation spell that makes you retain the words in your head until after a week all the regularly used vocabulary is in your head and you don't need the spell anymore (just a dictionary or an explanation for rarer words). Then he would start on his first day there, not prepare beforehand, when he doesn't hear any German.

The meeting after dinner was about Harry wanting to transfer. Dumbledore was told by Flitwick that Harry asked his grades sent to Durmstrang. There would have been a meeting even if Harry wasn't acceted, I think, because wanting to transfer is cause for concern. But with his grades, they knew he would be accepted. This is all stated.

 

Good beginning, want to wait to see how he executes going to "The Strang", he might need to pull a Miranda Flairgold and go 99% OC, and that is extremely difficult to do.

Good start, I wish you the best of luck getting everything together. Planning will be key for this fic.

 

He's probably immature because... dun dun dun... he's 11 years old. Just because he has a greater aptitude for learning magic doesn't make him an adult with years of real life experience and Harry shouldn't be written in a way that reflects an adult background. I kind of think its great that Harry shows some immaturity every now and then especially since he had no reason to 'grow up too young' what with no Dursley abuse. A lot of authors do too much of a mental self-insert and forget that the character is very young.

 

During the Durmstrang discussion Harry didn't really go into much detail about how Hogwarts is splitting up him and his brother. He kinda went into it vaguely and sometimes indirectly. However he never came out and said how him being forced into Nathan's shadow by the other students is dividing them and making him feel bitter about his brother and feeling jealous of always being in his shadow. All the situations where his housemates make him feel like the lesser twin seems to have started making it harder for him to feel comfortable around his brother as well as be his own person. So really one of his strongest arguements for leaving would have been it would have lessened the tension between brothers as well as allowing Harry to step out of his brother's shadow.

Also about the German thing. Didn't it say somewhere in the second chapter that you couldn't go to Durmstrang without knowing German and Beauxbaton without knowing French? So wouldn't that mean he would have to know German before being allowed to go to Durmstrang?

 

According to Quirrell, a person can learn a language in a matter of weeks through magic.

 

I know I have already said that. However he also said it was mandatory to know German to attend Durmstrang therefor Harry must have already learned German if he was allowed to go and we just didn't see it. Since the next term starts within two weeks either he has already learned German and the author forgot to tell us or he will be learning it right now and will probably just barely know it before attending.

 

The TWT isn't for another 3 and a half years, and at least 140k words. Based on the authors update rate, I wouldnt be expecting to see it until at least early next year.

That being said, I love this fic so far. Well written, well executed, cliche, but not overly unrealistic like most of the twin!BWL stories, and I have always wanted to see a good "Harry goes to Durmstrang" fic.

I remember reading another fic along a similar premise, except that Harry is raised by Victor Krum's father, and it starts in 4th year, hopefully this fic will be as good, if not better than that.

3.5/5 rounding up. The characterization of James and Lily, and their reaction to Harry going to Durmstrang will likely make or break this fic.

 

Excellent Chapter 3 thus far. I even felt a little verklempt.

What do you plan to do with Harry now that readers (as well as certain characters) have some empathy for him?

 

@Jigokuno: 1). Harry learning German will be explained in the next scene. 2). Sirius isn't Nathan's Godfather. Peter is Nathan's Godfather, but that won't be important. 3). The magic in this story will follow canon. 4). The oath the Durmstrang professors take says they have to grade fairly and not magically harm their students. Nowhere does it say they can't hold one student to a higher standard (I.E detention for breathing too loudly).

Ummmm....rape him? Yes, I'll have Harry raped the moment he gets to Durmstrang by an escaped Bellatrix, who has taken an aging potion and now looks like a hot 22 year old with gravity defying breasts. There will be three or four lemons, in which I constantly remind the reader that Harry's penis is over a foot long, before, inexplicably, Harry and Bellatrix fall in love. Who cares if he's only 11, he can still be a sex god, right? Maybe I'll make Harry part dark Veela. Oh, that's good! Yeah, Harry is now part Dark Veela.

Anyway, with Bellatrix's help Harry will discover that he is actually the boy who lived and that the Potters have really been abusing him. Harry just never noticed this abuse because his entire life was a massively orchestrated plot perpetrated by Dumbledore, who Harry now hates more than Voldemort. There will be a HUGE final battle and Harry will reign supreme for all time and enslave every girl in canon.


...Or I could spend the next chapter showing Harry getting adjusted to life at Durmstrang and finally making a friend. I could also try to develop Harry's character a little more all the while attempting to not drown the reader in OCs at Durmstrang.

Decisions, decisions.

 

:awesome


Seriously though, good update. I thought the confrontation was handled nicely. I doubt I could do any better.

moar please.

 

Solid update. You can tell it was a good piece of work because everyone is nitpicking stupid little shit like "Your Durmstrang teacher oaths are not legally sound enough!". I do think more emphasis on the sibling conflict -- especially how he can never escape everything he does being compared to the Boy Who Lived -- and less on the studying thing would have made things more believable.

Dumbledore's never going to let Harry go to Durmstrang so he can become a more powerful wizard, but if he thinks staying at Hogwarts will make him Nathan's enemy it's in the bag.

Durmstrang will be tricky. I'm still praying you zip through the early Durmstrang years relatively fast. For the love of God don't get bogged down into writing out an entire year like at Hogwarts, only with all characters nobody gives a shit about.

 

I disagree with this.

One of the biggest pitfalls that TWL writers fall into is forcing a strained relationship between young brothers. Personally, I don't see why Harry has to dislike his brother, even if he does become a dark wizard - even a powerful one.

I would be more interested in seeing an author explore a non-Voldemort supporting dark Harry. After all, it's going to strain our disbelief for us to buy that Harry, after growing up with a loving family who genuinely cared for him, would willingly join a group of psychopaths bent on killing the people he's cared most about for the majority of his life.

Can we get a dark Harry who isn't a Death Eater?