This. Although it's interesting to have a villain the same age as the hero, the characterization felt very unsubtle.

Writing is pretty solid; a few more errors than usual, but I suspect you didn't have the time to thouroughly weed them out.

Bulgarian

ado

that wasn't true (or something else, whatever you meant to say)

past

Don't know what that is...

 

Isn't it "statute" of secrecy?

 

The Victor/Kira scene was a bit too "evil villainess," but whatever - Harry's not acting his age in many ways, so she's allowed the same leniency. On the other hand, would it disrupt your story too much by aging her a bit?

Besides that, the way Victor handled her was perfect IMO; a little girl, no matter how versed in Dark Arts, is nothing without her wand, and Victor made that vulnerability abundantly clear.

 

"a nearby couch" - if her room is anything like the protagonist's room, it doesn't have a couch or a place for a conjured couch. You described the room as a small bare cell with a single bed. Or did she change the bed into a couch for use during the day? Or does she have a better room?

"wasn't not true" - you meant "that wasn't true"

"twelve usesgon's blood" - uses of

"to steal it! of dra" - editing error? hit "end" while fixing previous error?

Would James Potter give his eleven year old son the map and/or the cloak? If yes, why? If not, how are the stupid gryff trio getting away with all that stuff? In canon they had the cloak.

 

I disagree with you on how Victor handles this. Yes what he did to fight her was good however his overall approach seems so unrealistic that I am starting to wonder if this is the start of the downward spiral in this story. Think about it for a second. Victor Krum went into the daughter of a DE's room and told her if she does anything to Harry he will harm her. Well wtf? So if she kills Harry then Victor will try to kill her that still means Harry is dead. I think Victor not telling Harry that this girl is the daughter of DE's and this little girl having evil master plans for Harry is where this story will start to go on a downward spiral. It is like watching a nice car going to wreck though so it is not like I can turn away and quit reading at this point even though I loathe where this story seems to be going.

No need for the friggin stretched out dramatics Santi. Just friggin have Victor tell Harry that she is the daughter of DE's anything else is just too unrealistic. I just can't see someone in real life letting their friend become friends with a member of a gang whose leader tried to murder you and your family. So it is absurd for me to watch it happen in this story.

 

I'm not so sure. Belief that Voldemort is dead aside, do you really expect a 11-year-old girl to be able to seriously harm anyone? I wouldn't, and apparently, neither does Viktor (btw, his name is spelled with a 'k'). Besides, we don't know much about her motivations, and unless Viktor - or the reader - is a fan of conspiracy theories there is real reason to suspect her. In his own words:

 

Your right aside from being third year Dark Arts level as a first year and being the daughter of DEATH EATERS their really is no reason for Victor to tell his friend anything. Especially since Victor knows Harry can easily win a duel against Calypso...... Did you notice the sarcasm? You don't need to be a conspiracy theorist to tell a friend your hanging out with the daughter of a person who worked for the dude WHO TRIED TO MURDER YOUR FAMILY.

I can't believe their are people willing to argue with me on this issue it is absurd how right I am that I can't even understand your argument in favor of Viktor not telling Harry. Your best argument is that Viktor would have to be a conspiracy theorist to think the daughter of a DEATH EATER who has third year Dark Arts knowledge might try to kill his friend and maybe he should give him a heads up.

Seriously you people are wrong deal with it this shouldn't even be a issue it is so absurd. I am really still in a state of shock their are people willing to argue this issue with me it is so easy to tell that Viktor's actions are unnatural.

Come up with a better argument then Viktor would have to be a conspiracy theorist to believe she is dangerous or else don't argue with me. I just can't find it in me to take someone seriously in a debate if that is the extent of their argument.

Offtopic:

Krzaq you watch Dexter? I think that show is like the best show in the world. I watch Dexter, House, Sons of Anarchy and I am leaning toward Dexter being the best of the three. They manage to make every episode interesting which is something neither of the other two shows I watch has managed to do.

 

It's not our job to produce a better argument, because the fucking story hasn't even finished yet. Cool your clit, and wait until the author has fleshed out where he's planning to take the characters before spouting nonsense about how "right" you are about a story you have no hand in making.

As for Viktor/Calypso, I was mostly talking about the disarming - not the nebulous nature of a first year being oh-so-crafty and scheming.

 

Your right about the Disarming thing. About the argument though. If Krzaq said he was waiting for the author to flesh it out a bit before writing his opinion on it and he wasn't sure yet then the argument about waiting to see what the author has to say would make sense. However given the info we know, for him to brush anyone off who believes Calypso might be dangerous and that Viktor should tell Harry as conspiracy theorist is annoying.

 

Fuck shit you little twat, stop your constant bitching about this story and every single nuance in it, if you have some god damn helpful criticism, feel free to leave it in a post, but stop this endless stream of shit you are spewing into this thread for the sole purpose of hearing yourself speak.

 

Cloak - maybe. Map - No. The only possible way James or any of the Marauders could have it is if they went back at some point after they graduated. Otherwise, it's in the twins hands.

The only reason I mention it is because I think it would make a funny quirk to have Nathan searching high and low to find the map to help him on his "quests" only for it to show up later on at the Burrow or something.

On the new chapter, I wasn't crazy over the Calypso scene either. Calypso was too dramatic. Krum was as well, but it wasn't because of his confrontion so much as how he talked to her. I liked the snide family remarks - it seemed realistic, but the comments about allowing the study group to continue seemed over the top. It came across more like he gave Harry permision to continue rather than her. Maybe that'll come up later on though.

Enjoyed a lot of the letter scene. Krum's attempt at making Kira and Harry to interact more made me laugh. The only thing that kind of bugged me was that last bit.

It seemed a little odd to me for her to look up and then to appear to be simply ignoring him. I don't mean that as in it's odd for her to ignore him in general, just that it seemed out of place there.

If someone looks up in surprise, then they usually have a response afterwards. Maybe she sneered or looked disgusted, but something..It made her seem autistic to me for her to have the reaction and then go back to doing nothing.

Other than that though it was a good update, short, but good.

 

I've bolded the most important part of this thought, although its more like the story hasn't even really begun yet, this is what the 5th chapter?

I'll just repeat what most people have said before about the Calypso scene being pretty awkward. The scene with Kira felt right to me. I could easily imagine her looking up at the noise and then glaring and going right back to work and ignoring him again.

 

Very well maybe Santi has a good reason for Viktor not telling Harry and he hasn't told us yet. However Krzaq's argument that Viktor would have to be a conspracy theorist to tell Harry about Calypso being the daughter of a Death Eater is flawed and I am going to say it and if you don't like it tough ;P

Edit: Sorry if I sound mean but I am having a debate with someone over the plot of the story and you guys don't have any constructive criticism to add to the argument aside from calling me names so either say something smart or ignore the debate me and Krzaq are having.

 

You might have misunderstood me. I said that Viktor would have to be conspiracy theorist to think that a 11-year-old girl could plot something evil. As for not telling Harry - as far as he sees no harm he doesn't want to destroy what might become Harry's only friendship with someone his age.

 

Question; has Santi actually said that Calypso is a Death Eaters daughter? If so, then don't mind me.

 

Ah I did somewhat misunderstand you sorry. However she is 3rd year Dark Arts level if she does have a grudge against Harry's family I don't see why she wouldn't take it out on him especially since Viktor now knows she can win against Harry even in a fair duel. Plus she doesn't even have to plot something evil if she is the daughter of DE's I am sure their are others who can do the plotting for her. Not to mention she actually said she has a plan for Harry at the end so it is real she has a plan whether it is evil or not doesn't change that fact that Viktor would have been right to suspect she has a plan not be a conspiracy theorist.

No but if she was Rosemburgs daughter why would Viktor even go threaten her? Why would she even have plans for Harry if that was the case?

 

Jigokuno, you're too... yappy. Let Santi finish the chapter before you start speculating. Too much nit picking is really, really annoying.

Back to the thread, I'd really like to see more of Calypso's family. She's an interesting OC for me.

 

Hi, just started reading this story, and I think it's great. So just a wild shot in the dark. Calypso comes from a dark family, but I'm guessing that many kids at the school do as well. Krum seems to have a big reason for not trusting her in particular, and since her last name is so hush hush, I'm guessing her parents weren't just some DEs. While I admit it is unlikely, could the R in her last name stand for Riddle. The only thing that wouldn't fit is that in Cannon, it doesn't seem to be common knowledge that Voldemort was Riddle. So, any comments.

 

Her last name starts wit "Ro," so no.

 

Besides Riddle is a muggle last name, not a family that would have any influence in Durmstrang.