Inspired by the long-running Potter Law thread, it occured to me that it might not be a bad idea to toss together a list of general dos and don'ts for making good Naruto fanfiction. I'll toss out a couple ideas to start things off.

1. The villagers of Konoha didn't particularly like or trust Naruto for much of his childhood due to his jinchuriki status, and he didn't have any real friends as a child. This should not be exaggerated into "Everyone in Konoha regularly joins massive mobs of angry citizens formed for the express purpose of beating Naruto to death."

2. Anyone who writes a High School Alternate Universe fic has failed as a human being.

3. Naruto does not have a secret hidden bloodline which is far stronger than any other bloodline and/or is a combination of every existing bloodline.

4. The Kyuubi is a Demon Fox whose only goal is to be free of Naruto; it does not care about any of Naruto's suffering or happiness, and it does not want to be his father/mother/best friend/love interest. The Fox does want Naruto alive until it gets free, but that's it.

5. Gratuitous Japanese impresses nobody. Since the source material is a manga/anime some bits of Japanese are inoffensive and even useful, but don't go overboard. Nobody wants to learn Japanese just to be able to read your fanfic.

 

Alright I'll see if I can come up with a couple of good ones

1. Hinata is not secretly hiding incredible skills that make her capable of taking on Jounin or the entire Rookie 9 beneath her meek nature, she's simply a moderately skilled ninja who happens to be very shy.

2. Stop using the phrase "Precious People" so damned much, Naruto doesn't and you shouldn't either, its fucking irritating.

3. The Third Hokage is a military dictator in the simplest of terms while he didn't pamper Naruto he certainly wasn't blackmailed into letting him get beat.

4. The scrolls from his parents detailing the ancient forgotten super techniques of both of their clans which can beat any bloodline, it needs to stop, its just bad.

5. While Sakura does have more than a couple of issues she is a semi-rational human being that is not going to literally attempt to murder Naruto because he messed Sasuke's hair up.

I'll have more later.

 

6. Jounin, ANBU, and whatever veteran Shinobi are NOT idiots.

 

1. The nine-tailed fox is an immortal chakra entity of unfathomable power. As such, its answer to being continually called "Fuzzbutt," "Furball," or any other such inanity shall be to kill its host with fire.

2. Canon Naruto can't handle a relationship with one woman. Giving him a harem is just plain silly.

3. If your story spontaneously retcons the Naruto universe in order to make Samurai and Monks > Ninja, you shouldn't be allowed near a keyboard. I'm looking at you, Perfect Lionheart.

4. Kakashi is not mentally retarded, nor is Jiraiya. Each has an exaggerated fascination with pornography and sex that is consistent with a universe where accomplished shinobi get knocked out by nosebleeds upon seeing a nude female.

4b. Corollary to #4: If possible, pretend that the whole nosebleed thing doesn't exist.

5. Naruto and Sasuke both know which are their "in" holes and which are their "out" holes. They don't get them confused. Moreover, though they shared a kiss in canon, it was enough to convince them that they weren't destined to be the other's snuggle muffin.

6. Anko portrayed as "violent sex addict who trains Naruto via torture" was on the way to becoming cliché when LT2000 did it. There's no excuse to use this trope now.

6b. Corollary to #6: Unless you're LT2000.

7. Cutesy Naruto-falling-for-Hinata romance with lots of stammering and emoangst and blushing: no, just... no.

 

I will propose a corollary to this rule that the less accomplished authors should stay away from this because I have seen this done exceptionally well with HitokiriOTD's "Tempered in Water" as one of the foremost examples which was and still remains one of my favorite Naruto fics despite the inhumanely slow update rate.

 

Actually, Naruto calling Kyuubi as furball might be canon. I'm not quite sure. He did call the demon "stupid fox" when they met for the first time.

 

Touché. I changed "called" to "continually called." I find it tiresome to hear Kyuubi referred to by twenty stupid names per chapter in fanfiction stories. (It reminds me too much of "Death Munchers," "Voldedork," "Dumbles," and the like from HP fanfiction).

 

I'm pretty sure "Fuzzball" or any of the other derivatives is not cannon. However, I'm also fairly sure that if Naruto were to call him that in canon, the fox would flip out and at least scare the shit out of the idiot.

Back on topic:

The only one I can think of that hasn't already been said:

1) If you are not an native English speaker, don't use Babelfish translations for your fic.

1b) If you are a native English speaker but spell at a 2nd grade level, do not write your fic.

 

I agree there is a line between showing bravery on Naruto's part and just making him look retarded by insulting an ancient demon 24/7 to be a tough guy. I don't mind it all that much if he says it once or twice if he's standing up to the demon but it wears thin quickly.

Oh and I have one more that you reminded me of

1. Under no fucking circumstances is the Kyubbi going to seriously refer too Naruto as kit/kitling/pup or any variation there of, if he does indeed do so it should immediatley set off warning bells with Naruto that something is terribly wrong and the demon is plotting something.

 

Oh God. Kitling/kit/pup reminds me of all those fics with Sirius/Remus as gay parents to Harry.

 

I think that by the end of the manga Kishi will break every one of these laws.

Anyway:

1.Kyubbi does not have some amazing power to travel Naruto back in time, if he had he would not be stuck in the seal.

2.Itachi is rutless killer, a psihopat regardless of what the manga says.

3.Keep it Naruto centric! We dont care if Sakura is fucking the entire Akatsuki.

4.Pein is God. That is all.

 

A what?


filler

 

It does bear mentioning that cannon says his overconfident bragging and general excessive happiness and good mood does serve as a bit of a mask for his uncertainty. Still, it's also very clear that, unlike Sasuke, he has long since accepted that shit happens and learned to deal with it rather than constantly angsting about it, so your overall point stands.

This one becomes twenty times worse if it happens after Tsunade becomes Hokage; she's the closest thing Naruto has to a mother and would murder anyone who even suggested letting him get hurt.

1a. He also will not refer to Naruto's love interest as a vixen, nor will the Fox encourage Naruto to mate with her at the soonest possible opportunity. The Nine-Tailed Fox is an ancient and powerful demon, and does not give a shit about Naruto's love life.

Now for a couple more laws:

6. Inner Sakura is the repressed emotions and desires of a teenaged girl with confidence issues, not a secret ultra-powerful bloodline that boosts Sakura up to Naruto and Sasuke's power level or beyond.

7. Anime and Manga are not strictly realistic in their depictions of characters, especially when things are being played for laughs. Sakura does not beat Naruto half to death every time he gets on her nerves, killer nosebleeds are not the actual reaction to the Sexy Jutsu, Lee's eyes do not literally catch on fire when he gets excited, etc.

8. The fact that Orochimaru has a strong pedophile vibe to him does not excuse actually portraying him as such in graphic detail.

9. Sasuke's brooding exterior does not conceal a deeply loving romantic soul just waiting for the right woman to unlock his heart, it conceals a revenge-obsessed, power-hungry, budding sociopath.

10. Naruto's hyperactivity and thickness should not be mistaken for severe ADD and mental retardation; he can be intelligent and focused when things get serious. By the same token, Shikamaru's apathy, Choji's gluttony, Jiraiya's perversity, and other similar character flaws do not impede the character's ability to function as a ninja.

 

Just like to further support the bill behind these laws:

1. No nosebleeds.
2. No sweat drops
3. No sunset illusions behind Gai.

Whilst sometimes amusing in the anime I watch on T.V., it should never be included in any written form of Naruto Fanfiction. Except for a crackfic.

 

1. Stick with canon techniques. If you have to invent one, don't use katakana-English dictionaries, just say the technique name in English. Or make it a bloodline. Keep techniques simple, while we're at it. We don't need a technique which makes a nuclear explosion, summons people from the future, et cetera. Naruto can have interesting techniques without having to make up new ones.

2. Certain canon events can and should be ignored: the Akatsuki are not a bunch of people pretending to be powerful, they actually are, really. If a young Naruto were to fight one without using the Kyuubi he'd lose, badly. Like, in a couple of seconds.

3. The use of animals to represent characters is tired (Fox, Dog, Snake) either as nicknames or as 'secret messages' or 'prophecies'.

4. If Naruto is to be kidnapped or run away from Konoha, it should be under very special circumstances (such as political chaos). It should not be something easily accomplished. If Naruto is tried and found guilty for some kind of crime, it's a death sentence, he will not be 'exiled.'



edit:

I looked up psihopat on google - it's croatian for 'psychopath'.

...

 

11. Naruto's "special bond" with Gaara is not to be seen as room for homosexuality. It is a close friendship born out of similar childhoods, and Naruto being the first person to accept him. That is all.

12. When in battle, a ninja of higher caliber than their opponent shouldn't lose. If they do lose, it is because they either a) are outnumbered severely or b) have seriously underestimated their opponent.

13. Having a bloodline does not make you all-powerful. It does, however, make you an arrogant douche.

14. No ninja should ever have skill equal to a demon, unless it is two-tailed or below, and even then, you are pushing it.

15. Ninja are not moving WMDs, unless they are jinchuuriki or know the Hirashin No Jutsu. As such, if Konoha is at war, people should die. They should not be rendered immortal if Naruto knows them.

16. Contrary to popular belief, the Hokage should not be rendered immobile by mounds of paperwork. If they are the strongest ninja in the village, it stands to reason that they also possess intelligence, therefore it would occur to them to use Kage Bunshin to get the paperwork done.

17. Minato did not fuck up the seal. If Jiraiya admits that Minato was better at sealing than he is, you're pretty fucking assured that the man knew what the fuck he was doing.

18. Naruto is leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of the rookie 9. He should not be having a somewhat fair fight against anyone that isn't named Sakura or Sasuke.

19. Obey canon. If you're retconning canon to fit your situation, make it plausible. For instance, Jiraiya taking Naruto with him when he left. Unlikely, but plausible.

20. In part 1, Sakura is a useless fangirl. Unless Kakashi decides to seriously involve himself in their training, which he probably won't, Sakura will remain such until Tsunade becomes the Hokage.

21. Any and all jokes involving a personal quirk of someone from canon have been done to death. If you absolutely have to do it, please make it short. We've seen it done before.

22. Naruto does not possess a bloodline. He's a jinchuuriki and the child of the Yondaime Hokage. It's plausible for him to be awesome without a bloodline.

23. Naruto is an only child. He would have discovered any relatives by now.

24. In all likelihood, Kushina is dead. Uzu No Kuni is a wasteland. Stop with the fanfic where she comes back or Naruto finds his entire family.

25. Minato probably didn't have time to factor in a few things, like Jiraiya weakening his seal, with the immortal being attacking his village. As such, the seal degrading over time is pretty likely.

26. The seal was designed so that when Naruto dies, so does the Kyuubi. That is all. No amount of attacking the seal will release it.

27. The Kyuubi, in all likelihood, is an 'it'. If it absolutely must have a gender, it is male.

28. If Naruto travels to Iwa or Kumo, he will be attacked by the ninja there because he looks like Minato.

29. The Naruto-verse is both backwards and modern. It is also Japanese. If your characters seem more American than Japanese, you're doing it wrong.

30. The currency of the Shinobi World is Ryo.

31. Characters have established personalities. If Jiraiya stops being a pervert, something serious is happening. This should not occur on a whim of the character.

32. If your name is not Naruto, and you are his age, you should not know about the Kyuubi.

 

The fact that kyuubi is a demon, and that it wants out of the seal should include any and all means to do so. It is not so impossible to think that she would use whatever way she could use to get Naruto trusting/loving her to set her free.

That said, most stories take that to the extreme, so one should limit the demon act so the reader knows it just an act.

Therefore: Kyuubi influencing Naruto's mind to orgasmic dreams filled with sexual delusions is possible.(I just faced Desire on dragon age, blame the game.)