Snakecharmer by Belleradh

Title: Snakecharmer
Author: Belleradh
Rating: T
Genre: General/Romance
DLP Category: Romance/Independent
Pairing: Harry P. & Daphne G
Status: Work in Progress (4 chapters, 25,000 words 29/11/09)

Summary: During the summer after the Tri-Wizard, Harry is faced with the reality he has more on his shoulders than just the title Boy-Who-Lived. An unlikely alliance promises him help in understanding his role, but the cost is not common coin. Post 4th, mild AU

From Author:

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5537139/1/Snakecharmer

 

aww, beat me by 1min 4/5 for me also.

 

lol, fash; Sesc beat you to the punch by one minute. Great minds and all that, eh?

http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=14958

 

WAHRBARGURBL RAGE. My glorious post, and then I backspaced.

In short, 4/5. If you don't like indy!Harry (if you disliked White Knight, Grey Queen on principle) then you shouldn't read this. If you get past that, I think this has the potential to be what indy!Harry should be, with a realistic transformation from canon!Harry.

 

I can't be bothered repeating what I wrote in the Almost Recommended Thread.

Not rating now, but if I did it'd be a 3.5 (rounded to 4 because of the good Daphne characterisation - so far. It did take a few back steps in chapter four).

 

I promise to write more when I'm not bleeding out of my eyes and coughing up things best left unsaid. Yay holiday sicknesses.

My biggest issue with writing this is precisely what Sesc worried on. I don't want to let them get cozy with one another too quickly, but it's damn hard to keep them antagonistic all the time. At what point is it pointless angst? One thing I pointed out in Ch.5's initial notes though, bears mentioning.

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Of course, this means unless I post in massive blobs, I leave too many things unanswered, hanging, or unresolved (Like the Ch.4 debacle, which really wasn't supposed to come off that strong). Or that it feels like I'm copping out when I resolve a hanging issue later on.

Chapters 5 and 6 are moderately done. Going back over them for revisions... hell I don't know. Eighteen? I nitpick in an apocalyptic fashion.

 

*Gasp* you live

Your recent story isn't bad for most part but I can't help but feel you should drop this like a prom night dumpster baby and write Grim part 2. 3/5 for what it is worth just a tad confusing at times.

 

Torak LIES.

The bane of fanfiction - letting readers spend days and weeks in discussion between scenes/chapters, leading to a sense of EPIC CONFLICT where there would be none in a complete book, leading to dreaded anticlimax.

Frankly, I wouldn't worry about it - it's going to happen regardless, unless you update the entire story in one shot. Go with what you feel is best, but don't worry too much about where it ends between updates.

As for the other point, it's not really angst. Slow progression is fine, so long as it doesn't stagnate, or even worse - suddenly slide backwards due to a deus-ex-misunderstanding.

The strongest character trait you've given Daphne is that she seems to genuinely be a bit of a pampered bitch at heart. It's not a mask, or some convoluted cover within Slytherin - it's genuinely part of who she is. While no doubt future interactions will alter that to a point (and of course, she's not only that) the fact that she's not always going to see eye-to-eye is incredibly refreshing. Some of the best moments were Harry being unable to take anymore of her attitude and so lobs a curse at her, or trying to irritate her during studies.

That's why I think chapter 4 is being scrutinized so closely - there's the first sign of potentially losing what gives this Daphne so much potential. You've got to balance the clash of personalities with the relationship.

 

Just read your response there.

I agree with the bit about the wand. The point about Hermione isn't a matter of opinion- it's clearly stated in the books, more than one time, that he 'would have failed his classes were it not for Hermione'.

 

I didn't get past chapter 1, too many things rubbed me the wrong way. This is getting good reviews, so I suspect most things that bother me get worked out later. I like Harry/Daphne, so I'll go back and read the rest eventually, but I still want to point out a few things.

If you have the "We don't mean any harm" loophole, why do you need to make the "wards" even more pathetic?

It's almost as if canon is being ridiculed in general. Harry wasn't a great wizard at the end of GoF, but he had become a capable one. Here he just falls on his ass and gets disarmed by a Sonorus Charm. Nevermind that it's just after Voldemort's rebirth and he should have been cursing anything that moved. The internal voice makes Harry seem a bit more independent than in canon, but his actions are stupid.

Seems to be the contrary to me; I've gotten used to indy fics to the point were I can hardly stand canon Harry, and canon Harry would have done better imo. I actually think that you could replace Harry with a less stubborn Ron in the first 3/4 of the chapter and get identical results.

The writing is good, I'll rate once I read a few more chapters.

 

Much in agreement with oephyx. I do like Harry/Daphne as well, so I'm not going to disregard this fic. I want to like it but as said by oephyx, things just rubbed me the wrong way.

I know he's not Actionmanspy!Harry, but seriously, he hears someone outside his door and then backs away from it frightened out of his mind. I think it would have been much better for Harry to do something like stand in Daphne's blindspot, she enters and he grabs her. Holds her as a hostage or something.

It'd make Harry more badass, which is always cool, add a bit more extra tension to the whole situation: Daphne's father can't use a spell because Daphne is being used as a meat shield. He has to talk down Harry, which could have skipped a bit of the explanation, which seemed a bit formulaic. And builds a bit of animosity between Harry & Daphne, apart from what you have going currently, which I think would have made the interaction a bit more interesting.

Though you didn't go in that direction, and thats fine. You're probably 10 times the author I could ever be, but the story seems a bit slow. The scene where there could have been the action (the abduction) was a bit lame. Though the story is a 'political!Harry', I do hope you don't confine it to such a thing.

 

I really like it and hold high hopes for it. Only thing that made me cringe was Harry's behaviour in first chapter. There's no way in hell that canon Harry (or any Harry I'd like to read) would just go peacefully with his kidnappers.

 

Yet he doesn't mind living locked in the smallest bedroom of number 4, Privet Drive all summer, being fed like a dog and whatever?

Don't forget he's 14 at the time, and I seriously doubt he'd think about trying to resist his kidnappers. At least, in the Triwizard Tournament, he was mostly in the "right" frame of mind. Here, he didn't even expect to have somewhat "nice" kidnappers. Plus, he's forbidden to use magic during summer.

Anyway, it was 5 great chapters and I'm looking forward for the next ones. So far, I'd give a solid 4/5.

 

My response to the "he wouldn't go quietly" crowd is essentially summed up by Inky.

You have a 14 year old who's had to deal with (at least) emotionally abusive people all his life. He's just seen Voldemort reborn, and is in the usual "Blah I'm back here again" rut.

Suddenly, wizards show up in his house. Equate this to something mundane: A bunch of riot police are stalking around your house at 3 am. They have assault rifles, you have at best, an old revolver. Do you slam open the door, and hope that you can get them all before they mow you down like a dog in the street? Or do you wait and see, and try to figure out an angle, and how to make it work for you? Those rifle-toting cops may just be there to protect you, from something you haven't seen yet.

Harry's not a superwizard here. He's not faced down Death Eaters in the Ministry, or had a year of Dumbledore ignoring him, or Snape instilling a healthy distrust of everything human in him. This is cusp Harry. The seeds of badassery if you will.

Bottom line is, he's still a kid, and frankly, the boy isn't the sharpest tack in the box on his best days. Fanon Harry this isn't.

 

Really? When, ever, has Harry bowed to superior force just because it was superior force? Was it when he stopped taunting Umbridge after McGonagall asked him to? Or was it when didn't try to attack Black in his thir year? Maybe it was when he decided to play nice with Quirrel-Voldemort and accept his offer? Oh, wait, it was definitely the time when he ran away from the basilisk!

That's the core of the problem. You're asking "do you?" question instead of "does Harry?".

One thing. I'm not saying he has to win. Hell, that would be really improbable. But that doesn't mean he's going down without a fight.

 

Read the beginning of OofP again. He's always on his guard, wand in hand every time something strange happens. And he gets through bigger surprises than those in your fic, without dropping his wand. He's just lived the last two years of his life around impostors, being hunted and kidnapped, living with the threat of the tournament. He may be emotionally spent, but he's not rusty or unwary.

I think you tried a bit too hard to go against fanon characterisation, and made him even worse than in canon. Canon Harry =/= Ron.

Yes, clearly that's the same thing. He knows he has to put up with the Dursleys, so he does, but he also uses leverage to improve some things. He was never defeatist in the face of danger (and I don't want to hear about DH).

And stop saying he's 14. This is essentially a 5th year fic, he's 15 for all intents and purposes.

Edit: Belleradh, imagine if they had come to kill him. Your story would be 1500 words long. The only reason Harry being a wimp seems fine to you is because you want to stress his transformation into indy Harry.

 

KrzQ, stop being pointlessly argumentative. If you want Harry to be a MiniMoody and face everything wand-first with a curse on his lips, write it. This isn't that fic, obviously. I'm taking liberties on the part of building a plot - which is the basis of Fanfiction. If that displeases you so much, there are seven books of Canon for you.

I tried to write a "Harry Resists" opener to this, in the initial. I couldn't reconcile it to the rest of the plot at all. The best I could do is waste about five chapters in a kind of limbo-Stockholme syndrome fugue. Not terribly interesting.

Yes I'm being argumentative. Stop kick the dead horse. You said your peace, I offered my counter. The story is written, and isn't changing.

Last post before I finish up 5&6. I'm irritated that I let myself get pulled into arguments about this. I'm not here to convince or defend anything, and frankly find it stupid to do so. Either enjoy it or don't, neither really matter to me. Looking at forums with a fever of 39C is obviously addling my faculties.