My annoyance from the opening is less that he isn't flinging curses about and more that he doesn't even appear to care. Seriously. The fics good, but I'm struggling in dealing with Harry's apathy to the whole "kidnapping".
Also, as KrzQ says, at the beginning of Ootp Harry was taking his wand everywhere. And him attempting to avoid casting spells because of the ministry is preposterous, it never even slowed him down in canon.

 

Another two fine updates today. We finally see Mr. Greengrass's intentions towards Harry and they look really intriguing. There are few peeves, though.

Is inheritance tax really that high? The wiki article left me confused.

"Muggles > Wizards" crap. Just because it was possible to surprise wizards with bombing, doesn't mean that it'll work once they're prepared. I'm pretty sure it's been discussed to death in another topic, though. Of course, it just might be Greengrass trying to convince Harry using false arguments.

Btw. I still don't agree with the whole "Harry trusts them immediately and goes quietly" theme. It doesn't need to end in a bloodbath, as shown by book 3, Harry can see reason even in really uncommon circumstances, it just needs to look realistic.

 

I liked it. Regardless of any my complains about chapter 1, I sucked it up as needed to get the plot started and left it alone.

The way that you're setting up the relationships between Harry and the Greengrass family is developing nicely, and I for one am thankful for reading a fic where the pairing suddenly fall in love without any reason / conflict.

Also, Daphne offer for the contract truly set the idea the she, and even her family, would do anything to secure their chances at survival.

 

As it says in the wikipedia article, U.K. inheritance tax is a flat 40% on any value above the nil rate band, which means that 94% of estates pay no inheritance tax. For the 6%, yes, it can be quite a blow; it's a legacy of the strong social democratic movement in the U.K. though it may well be abolished by the next Conservative government.

The chapter was quite dense and confusing to be honest, with all the estates and peerages being bandied about, but it seemed to say that the muggle tax authorities would be able to tax his wizarding estates... which seems pretty unlikely. The canon picture we have of the ministry/wizengamot would never stand for wizards being taxed by muggles, not to mention the Death Eater element.

Also, I'm not saying the U.K. is free of corruption, because it isn't, but it also isn't some kind of third world country (or Italy) - greasing the palm of the taxman will not get your paperwork processed faster, it will get you a prison sentence.

Finally, I know the whole hereditary peer business is confusing to a lot of people (after the 1999 constitutional reform only 92 of the 705 members of the House of Lords are hereditary, there are no hereditary members of local councils), but a local aristocrat displacing a democratically elected representative... It is to laugh.

So I think we can just take this an an AU of U.K. government and institutions and leave it at that, though the muggles taxing wizards business (unless I misunderstood it, as I said that passage was quite confusing) I think should be addressed.

Oh, and for anyone confused about taxes going to 'the Crown', that just means the government, the Queen doesn't actually get anywhere near it.


The excessive passivity and apparent Stockholm Syndrome of your Harry has already been talked about, so I won't go into it too much, just wanted to say I agree - he seems to be begging to be walked all over. It doesn't fit with canon Harry at that time, but more importantly for me, you have all the hallmarks of an indy-Harry story, but then he is a completely passive character - everything is done for him or to him. It makes it hard to empathise with him.

 

Actually I was underestimating it, backdating for um... 1995! Guesstimating. I think what I used was the Nil Rate Band to determine if it hit the percentage situation, and extracted the curve backwards. Current IHT hits for 40% of what's above Nil Band. I was tossing out 31% over £150,000. I neglected Estate Duties, and a slew of other pissant legislature that would just be boring. Figured one item would be sufficient!

Now, I wasn't planning on making Harry wealthy. You can kinda infer this from how I addressed Hawkins' comments about James and his father having 'no interest in politics', though he means muggle, you can infer what you like.

I haven't mentioned hard numbers, as there's no way to win that if I go too low, people complain he's poor, if too high, I'm godmodding. So! No numbers - just probability clouds, and words like 'enough', 'very little', etc.

Oh, the Muggle vs. Wizard thing? What Glenn says doesn't need to be law, you know. He may be as bosky as Xeno Lovegood - just in that way. Harry doesn't know better, or rather, Glenn is a good talker. It may not be truth, and in fact, probably isn't.

Just because I'm telling a lie, doesn't mean I'll tell you I am.

And always remember! Harry is an imperfect window here!

Oh, as for Indy!Harry's slow progress: I didn't want to just blow that out of proportion right off the bat. He'll come into his own. If it helps you, consider this his 'gathering intel' phase, which in a very real way, it is. Things take off a bit before school begins. This is intended to be a multi-year fic. If Harry's suddenly badass in the first five chapters, what else am I going to do?

 

4/5 liked the fact that Harry and Daphne werent sucking face by the second chapter like most stories with the pairing.

 

I really like where this fic is going. But, I'll have to agree that the first chapter was off (both the wards being so weak and the going too easily.)

 

The first-person narrative is what makes this story work. It gives us enough of a window to get an idea on what is going on, but it is so small that we can't understand it at all. This makes for a very thrilling read, and I get the feeling this will become more enjoyable when the political segments start coming in en masse.

 

Someone else mentioned it, but this story does remind me a lot of White Knight Grey Queen, only more believable.

For the most part, I loved the story. Mr. Greengrass' motivations in chapter 6 were :awesome.

Two things I didn't like:

1) Muggles> Wizards. It was well explained and argued, but I just get annoyed whenever muggles are made to look superior to wizards. At least there is no sign of Mr. Greengrass sending Harry off to learn physical combat from the Marines like in WKGQ.

2) Astoria. Maybe it's because I envisioned her as a black-haired version of one of the grady twins, but something about her character just bothered me. I don't really have a legitimate issue with her. At first I thought she was too mature, but I just went back and re-read the scene in chapter 5 and I don't think so anymore. Still, something bugs me about her. Creepy little devil child.

Anyway, I'm hooked and I can't wait for the next update.

4/5

 

Everything Sesc said. This is as of now the best Harry/Daphne story out there, and an absolutely brilliant political/independent Harry. He's not perfect - nor should he be - but he's coming to terms with the situation, and one can see the various parts of the plan coming together.

Daphne is, in a word, brilliant. The antagonism is there, and her own little plot is absolute genius, as is they she disregards everyone she's puppeteering. The confrontation between her and Harry is also well done, and the relationship is progressing while not compromising the characters.

5/5, only because I can't go higher.

I'd try and relay constructive criticism, but I'm too busy swooning.

 

The previous four posts have said it all for me already. 5/5, and keep it up.

 

Hey, it's a Harry/Daphne fic that I thought deserved to be checked up again. That basically says how good this is compared to the other dreck in that area (Tis The Season of Summertime included!).

No number rating; I'm afraid I don't have the mathematical skills to translate the pros and cons of this fic into an actual number. But it's decent enough for me wanting to come back and enjoy the next chapter, so there's that.

 

This.

This.

Celcius? Aren't you from Cali (or did I imagine that...)? If so, we dun use them thar metricks in Amurr'icuh, y'hear?!

Otherwise, it's alright so far. A bit (read: a helluva lot) rant-ish at times. That a family as capable as the Greengrasses "need" Harry is silly...but that's probably my jadedness with the plot device in general, than you writing it unconvincingly.

Still, we're only 5 chapters in. Get better and keep cranking out them chapters. 3/5

 

Astoria's creepiness is totally purposeful, considering Daphne mindfucked her long enough to master memory charms.

Also, we all know that pure, mind-shattering, unadulterated evil can only be contained within children. Or plushies. The physical manifestation of elemental evil causes fractal distortion of space-time, giving it a 'fuzzy' appearance, you see. Hence, plush = evil. Unless it's in reference to toe socks.

Astoria's done a marvelous job of rectifying her fragmented and likely imperfect recollection, world view, and personality into a stunning and insightful young woman who seems to manage just fine...

For someone who's world consists of corners with curves.

Or perhaps I just wanted an excuse to make the Anti-Luna. There's really no telling, I'm the one that came up with her (well, this incarnation...), and that by definition makes me worse, arguably.

Here be edits: Yeah, I live in Cali, but I was born in Germany, and have a passing interest in Quantum Physics. Therefore, Metrics. That's around 103F in case you're lazy. 48K words done while dealing with Nurgle's Special Cocktail over a week I think happens to be pretty good. Probably have more of this in about a week or two.

 

I like this story. But I wish there was more. Also, there is no evidence that muggles > wizards beyond what Greengrass thinks. It's entirely possible that there are wards out there that could stop it. Just Greengrass doesn't know about it.

5/5

 

I am still hoping one day to find a fanfiction where Harry'll get laughed at when he asks for wards- as far as i know, the word 'ward' was never used in any books. 'Protection' was.

Anyway, surprisingly pleased by this fic so far, though i do agree that Harry would be too stupid to know when to not attack at the beginning.

 

I also have some problems with this story.

Early in the chapter you talk about how the slander against Harry (pushed by Fudge), which causes even his own house and close friends to betray him. There is a problem with this because that is a vast change from canon, not only with the plot, but with the characters themselves. You have one throwaway line about how Ron and Hermione also ditched him, but you give absolutely no reason as to why. Canon Ron is fickle at times with his friendship with Harry and sometimes lets his emotions get the better of him, but there is pretty much no valid reason for him to betray Harry at this point in time.

Same with Hermione. Hermione sticks with Harry through thick and thin, and I think it will take a lot more than some bullshit ministry propaganda, that Hermione obviously knows to be false, to convincingly pull off the idea of her betraying Harry. I just don't see it happening.

The change is too sudden and drastic for the reader to take it believably. Also, I didn't like how you nerfed the wards on the Dursley residence, seemingly, just so that you can introduce the Greengrasses. If it was that easy to get into his house (as long as the person means no harm), he would have had visitors long before GoF trying to cash in on his popularity, to adopt him, etc. etc. It's a hard sell, and you haven't really given a convincing reason for said nerfing besides Mr. Greengrass's line about how the ward is weak, which is hard to believe considering Dumbledore is the one who set it up -- you know, the most powerful and knowledgable wizard in England besides Voldemort, and wielder of the Elder Wand.

And that's just chapter one. I'll try reading the next few chapters, but I have a feeling I won't really like it.

2/5 as of chapter 1.

 

Demons I had the same kind of feeling after reading the first chapter. Stick with it, it does get better, and some of that Hermione stuff gets sort of explained by Harry.

This! The start of the story was basically the first chapter of WKGQ by Jeconais. The only difference is that Belleradh has done a much better job making the interaction between Harry and Daphne and Harry and Mr. Greengrass more believable and realistic.

Yeah, are we going to see any long term effects from Daphne's little experiments on Astoria? Surely her creepiness can't be the only side effect from being Daphne's lab rat.

 

Am I the only one who finds the Greengrasses insufferable in this story? Maybe it's just the contrast to the megapassive Harry. But when they're like o hai we're going to stun you so we can have healers examine you just because it's too much effort to ask if we can and he's like oh gosh! it's kind of hard to swallow. If someone did that shit to me I'd never be retarded enough to turn my back on them again.