I thought Lord Raith lost his mojo a good 25 years before Blood Rights, when Thomas was still a small child.

 

Yes. Dresden's Mum fucked him over royally. That's why he killed her.

 

Eh... Didn't she fuck over him with her death curse?

 

I know. I meant that since he wasn't being bitched out by Lara he was still a decent threat. And Dresden doesn't know anything about his family yet either.

 

He did. Dresden's mom's death curse took away his ability to feed. He still had all of the reserves he had created before the curse, but once they were used up, he was essentially running on empty.

 

Okay then, I just finished reading everything that's up. Where to begin...

Alright, so the first chapter is undeniably one of the best first chapters I've read in an HP fic, let alone a Dresden crossover. Atmosphere, tension and pacing, all oozing out of it. Its great.

So why oh why does the story become so hard to stomach from then on?

It's not enough to say that Harry is pussy-whipped. His lack of balls certainly falls into a worse category than that, that's if he could be pussy-whipped because he's still a bloody virgin! I mean come on, if I was going to be kidnapped and chained up by the hot-chick I tried to save, then blackmailed into becoming her annoying kid-sisters bodyguard when her family threaten to murder my friends, I'd at least want to tap the bit that got me into this mess in the first place!

But no. The adventures of emasculated Potter seemed fairly interesting, until the elements of the wizards of Harry's world were introduced with an audible CLUNK in the story-telling. Introducing the Dresden world in a fairly ingenious way in the first chapter becomes less so when you start focussing on the HP world. The "Go buy some books which would have helped you?" plotline also seemed somewhat implausible to me, and having Harry swat up is just another element that seems to detract from the flow of the narrative.

But that point is basically secondary in comparison with the main difficulty I have with this story, that I cannot believe that a Harry Potter who'se killed Voldemort, somewhat come into his own with his Wizardry and possesses a heretofore only hinted at "power-he-knows-not" would just accept the situation he's in lying down. To me it seems utterly incongruous that despite the torture he underwent, his knowledge that he is being emotionally manipulated and the threats levied against him and his friends, he just takes it, seemingly never contemplating a way to escape his situation or how to extract vengeance on the Raiths'. Basically, Harry should be fairly pissed-off and working on a way to deal with his problems.

However, him getting it on with Inari would be fairly interesting, unlike faceless-maid.

Sorry if that seems a bit of a rant, I do want this story to be as awesome as it obviously could be. Jon, please update faster then in 8 months time and prove me wrong about everything I just said! Or at least give me some HarryxInari Kthnxbai.

 

I agree that Potter is even more of a failure than canon Harry. It seems a bit out of character for someone who was prepared to torture someone with unspeakable pain for giving back chat to a teacher they liked to just roll over when his loved ones are threatened. My immediate assumption would be that he'd simply kill them all, exterminate the Raiths, which he is trivially capable off, as even collectively they aren't a real threat to him. Apart from this quibble on characterisation, this is shaping up well.

 

That's exactly what I thought when I read this. Why the hell didn't he fuck them over yet?

 

Oh shit, Jon updated.


Be right back with a review, as I finish reading.

EDIT: You're a fucking tease. A huge fucking tease.

But still, it was a good update, didn't spot any serious mistakes. It seems more of a prelude to whatever shit goes down with Thomas at the party and the Foe-Glass seems like a Chekov's Gun. You're not planning anything are you?

 

The end to this last part made me feel teary eyed.

 

Oh fuck,You updated at last.

Cool update.So,When is this story happening anyway in the Dresden Timeline?

4.5/5

 

Latest chapter was alright, I wish there could be more action. I mean lolipops?

 

Really? That's explain why the rum's gone.

I think you might become the best smut writer ever if you ever decide to really put your mind into it.

I thought so.

 

You posted this part twice. Otherwise, good stuff.

 

FUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU.

I hate goddamn cliffhangers. Otherwise, good stuff, although it seems odd to me that the red court is throwing a party that's such a close parallel to the one that kicked off the war.

 

Oh god damn it Jon, that was epic. If there ain't another chapter out soon I'm gonna be very disappointed.