Well, it's nice to see another fic worth adding to the "Worthwhile H/B List." That said, it DOES have lots of potential, but like anything that does, it can go either way, better or worse. There are a lot of things that can be fucked up enough to ruin it.

...though it is nice to see the uber-wand scenario rectified somewhat. To those complaining about the extreme focus on past/future Bella, remember that Harry is a little single-mindedly obsessed with his (second?) greatest enemy of the war.

On that train of thought, the only thing that bugs me about this story is that the fight against Voldemort seems almost like an afterthought to the secrets of 'Bella's Dying Smile TM.'

 

Not bad, nothing spectacular but it has potential. Won't be holding my breath considering the cluster-fuck Earl of the North turned into, but it can easily be a guilty pleasure fic.


Continuing the rant above ^ about annoying timetravel cliches, what pisses me off the most is the fact the whoever travels back in time 99% of the time tells something within an hour or two that they are a time traveler. No thinking about the consequences, nothing even remotely similar, just oh, here is time travel 1, main character 2, lets get this over with and tell the other something that could potentially ruin creation as we know it (let alone to someone who was/will be one of your worse enemies for years).

 

That's what happened to me. Chapter 1 was decent enough set up. The middle two were like wtf I can't believe this is happening, and chapter 4 seems to be written by another author entirely. So, yeah, hopeful, again. If the writing stays like Ch4 it could be really good.

 

It's written by two different authors. So that'd make sense.

 

Well whichever one did Chapter Four should do the whole thing on their own.

 

Amen to that, brother. It went from sort of mediocre to actually good when chapter four hit, and I'm hoping it either stays there or goes up. It kind of bugs me how one of them thinks it's 2006 and the other's in the now, as far as cliches are concerned. I honestly think the most humanizing bits of this Bellatrix are when she begs like a little kid for future knowledge, instead of when she's playing high-and-mighty-pureblood (that always tends to rankle me). I'll go 3/5 right now as a whole, with a potential 4/5 if it stays like the latest chapter.

 

I’ll admit to being intrigued by this story and I intend to follow it, at least for a while. That said, I do find the story to be somewhat dragging. It seems to me that the authors are suffering from some organizational problems. They seem to know where they want the real meat of their story to be, but are having difficulty getting their characters from the beginning to that point. This is not an uncommon problem for writers and I also believe this is the first collaboration either of the authors has had. If the beginning of the story represents mere growing pains and the authors are learning well as they go, then fairs fair, I can accept that, people need practice before they can turn out high end work. If the quality tapers back down, however, then this fic will most likely bomb. If Chapter 4 is an indication, hopefully they are getting on track.
With that in mind, there were a number of things I did like about the piece. First and foremost, I have to admit I enjoyed how they are explaining Harry’s abilities. War and experience, yes, most time travel fics give him that, but that the authors actively acknowledge that Harry hadn’t the time or the resources to learn the finer points of dueling and spellcasting that would make him a truly effective warrior. Instead, this Harry has the power we’ve all come to expect from most Harry centric fanfiction, but the authors took the time to explain that their Harry was taught basic tactics instead, reasoning that while a skilled craftsman is generally preferred when dismantling a house, a guy with a some dynamite and an idea where to put it accomplishes more or less the same objective, but with less time invested. This is a novel idea to me because in all the fanfiction I’ve read, rarely have I seen such an honest balance of skill and ability in an OP Harry fic. Do tactics really make such a difference? I would say yes. I cannot really remember a single time in cannon where either side was particularly organized. It’s been proven in millennia of real world wars that simple tactics can allow a small group to win big battles. I also liked how they did not make Harry completely immune to time travel, having him make some small slips that one would expect. I feel the one about knowing the location of 12 Grimauld place to be particularly good.
In the end I give this fic a solid 3.5 so far. I like the ideas of the fic, but the execution needs work.

 

Font? Color? WTF? It burns my eyes.

 

And thus the need to quote the entire thing was... why, exactly?

The story is alright - obvious discrepancies have already been noted. Frankly, I'm still not a fan though. It's decent, but I simply can't reconcile this Bellatrix with who she is - even if you roll back the clock as far as it has been. As the story progresses and we find out what exactly happened, that might change, but that's going to be the defining trait as to whether I think this story is even considerably library worthy.

3/5 for now, tops.

 

To preserve it forever in the sands of time. :awesome

 

While I share the same ciritcisms most of us do here – that it's way too fucking convenient for Dumbledore, Marauders, etc. to show up and in a manner of days Harry is suddenly the thought of everyone's mind – I think the story is enjoyable.

4/5 unless there is a significant drop in quality

 

New chapter is up.

 

So... The ordinary Shield Charm is apparently incapable of stopping a bullet and there are no magical shields that can withstand high explosives... It makes no sense for the Authors to take this stance, not when they are trying to write purebloods that actually make sense. Also, I hate it when people bring physics into magic. This is no Dresden Files; HP magic doesn't even pay a lip service to physics.

 

Meh, there is so much grey area involving magic and muggles that as long as the author makes a semi-decent case I don't really care on which side of the argument they come down on. In this story, well, I could swallow the arguments on how much muggle weapons can hurt the wizards. I do admit that a single bullet being able to penetrate a protego is a little much, but as long as the story doesn't descend into a Muggle/Magic war I won't complain too much about it.

As for the story itself - it's kinda interesting. I do like seeing how the purebloods are being raised to hate the muggleborns. Where the story does kind of fail - is in future Bellatrix. It was never explained to my satisfaction as to why she betrayed Voldemort - or why she suddenly became sane - or if she was always sane why she acted batshit crazy. I don't buy the whole "I went with the flow."

It should be interesting to note that the co-author on this, Chlaim Solais (I'm almost positive I misspelled that name) has written quite a few Ranma/SM crossovers. While they are readable - there are inherent plot weaknesses in them that bodes ill for the future of the story. It will be interesting to see if Earl of the North will be able to temper Chlaim Solais's ability to shoot himself in the foot with a plot.

3/5 for now.

I enjoyed the read - but Bella's characterization I find annoying.

 

Just read the first two chapters again and I can't get into it. The writing may be solid but it can't hold my interest, the time travel isn't explained, nor is Bellatrix's betrayal (however, it is probably a little early to learn these things) not to mention the common James Potter is an arrogant bully who has no depth what-so-ever.

 

Just read the latest chapter. Overall, it's nothing special, merely a transition from the first plot arc to the next, somewhat inelegantly done. There were some parts that were tedious, but there were also some redeeming qualities that are keeping this fic on my watch list.

The chapter started out with something of a retraction on the part of the author's. Harry backs out of a possible relationship with an original character that many people criticized in earlier chapters. While not a masterpiece of writing, this scene is a good sign for the future of the fic, as it demonstrates that the authors are at least paying attention and taking advice. Which is nice to see.

One of my complaints comes next and that is the dialogue between Bellatrix and Harry. It makes perfect sense that Harry would be somewhat uncomfortable and confrontational with her and I think the authors recognize this. That seems to be the problem I have: The authors seem to have them snarking at each other because that's what they should be doing. Like going to an amusement park and yelling constantly "I'm having fun!", the sentiment is expected, but sounds forced and unnatural.

The promising part of the plot presented in this chapter came with the meeting of the two pureblood patriarchs. For some reason I really liked how the authors decided to portray the generation that would be the grandparents of the main canon characters. Although I could have done without all the numbers (and frankly, does a pureblood really understand enough physics to think like that?), I found the inclusion of the Battle of Brtain and the effects of World War II on said generation to be a nice plot choice. It adds an unusual flavor to the story.

I also liked how the authors are implying that the original Death Eaters actually went against most of their parents, as a form of teenage rebellion that grew out of hand. I think this element of the story has the most potential. It is an effective mirror to how the real world's cults and radical movements get started and much a better choice than the standard "purebloods hating all muggles/purebloods only tolerating muggles for money" plotlines seen in most time travel fics that choose to address it.

Overall, this chapter doesn't do much to advance the fic itself, but shows some promise. There were weak points, promising ideas, and "meh" moments, but it shows that the authors are at least putting some thought into it. I look forward to the next chapter, where it seems things may pick up.

 

Personally, I find the transitions from one author's material to the next the most jarring. It definitely looks like each is writing a solid 'chunk' and stringing them together, rather then one writing an outline, and the other going through and adding the own work- which is the preferable form of authorial collaboration to me.

The whole 'bombs/bullets>magic' thing is honestly just another part of the story, and it doesn't bug me in the least.

I mean, seriously, we can accept all the vagaries of magic, we can accept all the changes to characters, all the worldbuilding, smashing, and general alterations to the universe.... but nobody can conceive of magic not being the utterly most bombastic awesome unstoppable force in the universe?

It just seems really hypocritical to me- people never go on about how Harry pulls off some never before seen magical power to one shot the universe, but the moment a muggle shoots a wizard in the face from a mile away your suspension of disbelief is broken?

I don't buy it.

 

So the latest chapter was pretty sweet. Not as a whole, mind you, it was this part where the Black and Malfoy heads meet secretly to discuss the rise of Death Eaters. It was something very fresh. I never thought of a generation of purebloods being wary of war on muggles because of the damage they'd seen caused by the world wars. Even though I am not into the whole 'can't stop bullets!' idea. C'mon now magic! Anyway we've had numerous threads on that aspect. Still the use of a plot device I don't like much to create such an interesting scenario was pretty cool. I hope to see more of the purebloods now.

Harry and Bella's relationship needs to advance, mature, change, w/e. There is a hint of that in Harry realizing she keeps tweeking him and he keeps falling for it, but right now they are like two teenagers sniping at each other. Arguably Bella is one, but Harry should be a lot more in control of himself; his hate for the elder Bella should show in a better way than just going off the handle every three seconds.

Soooo glad the OC love interest is done for. That had been annoying.

 

My suspension of disbelief is not broken because Muggles can beat wizards in fight, what breaks it is that wizards apparently cannot defend themselves against firearms. The argument that shields cannot stop a bullet because they concentrate their force on a very small area and thus it would take too much power to create a field that could withstand bullets is total bullshit and makes no sense whatsoever. Do I have to remind you that wizards are able to conjure things? The energy required to form just a gram of matter is immense and more than enough to level a city. The kinetic energy of a bullet is absolutely nothing compared to that.