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Abandoned Wraithspeaker by belleradh - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by fash, Jan 30, 2010.

  1. Kerrus

    Kerrus DA Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2008
    Messages:
    168
    3.5/5 here. It's very good, but I didn't enjoy the bits with Dumbledore- I mean, I understand the need to have him in a semi-antagonistic role, and he does have an agenda. But he came off as an incredibly incompetent child, and not an adult of 150 years.

    He's also, canocally, never really given in to, say, Tom's taunting- so I don't see Kararoff's getting to him, even though it mentioned the Hallows. So that little bit was kind of a turnoff.

    I do look forward to his time at Durmstrang, and I hope it isn't glossed over too much. But at the same time, I can't help but feel the psychic kids would be sort of hangers on- they're going to need advancement if you intend for them to keep up with Harry, and it's definitely going to be a tricky thing to do and keep interesting.

    TBH, I'm not that much a fan of them sticking with Harry- I understand the in universe rational, and it's interesting, but as they're written they're kind of... disinteresting. That could change, but the salient points have been made before- Elena's dinner mindspeak stuff was just... pointless-like, and in general there presence detracts from the hook that brought me to the fic- the general concept of Harry having a sort of Sixth Sense, and going through the life of Harry Potter with it- and showing that struggle.

    I could stand the trip to Russia because it started out as character developement and other interest, but I always expected it to end after Harry 'saved' Elena. Some of these expectations I attribute to my own preference- but in general whenever I read the fic, I keep waiting for it to get back to the main plot.

    And it doesn't. It's well written and well structured, but it's reaching the very fringes of how long I'll hang on before giving up on ever seeing the main plot again.


    I came to read the story because of the unique premise of Harry, the Boy Who Saw Ghosts, and the potential theirin. I didn't come to see Harry's Amazing Psychic Friends, and Their Awesome Adventures.

    And right now they're really kind of overshadowing Harry.
     
  2. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2006
    Messages:
    143
    High Score:
    1756
    I find myself intrigued and annoyed. I like the conceit and concept, but in execution I am often annoyed by the original characters. They don't really garner much interest for me. I find it well-written but slow in places. It was hard to get through some of the chapters.

    Still, it's above average.

    3.5/5
     
  3. Scott

    Scott Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Messages:
    413
    Location:
    Texas
    I agree and I'll give it a 3/5. I found it interesting and intriguing in the first chapter or 2 and then after that I just lost all interest (I read the rest of the chapters). But it just didn't click.
     
  4. cold burn

    cold burn Third Year

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2009
    Messages:
    92
    Oh damn... you know what I am going to avoid this simply because I can't take getting interested in another of Belleradh's fanfics only for it to end right when things get interesting.
     
  5. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,219
    Location:
    Florida, Sigh...
    Oh you necro'ed. No update. Damn you are evil. Evil evil evil. Lets ban you.
     
  6. ParseltonguePhoenix

    ParseltonguePhoenix Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
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    789
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    Male
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    South Carolina
    As I'm sure the mods get tired of pointing out, there technically isn't any necro-posting in the Library, which, as I understand it, includes the For Review section.

    That said, the bastard didn't really have anything relevant to add, so I'm with you, Smile--the fucker should be banned. Or at least raped x-core with a rusty spatula.
     
  7. Kinser

    Kinser Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2008
    Messages:
    111
    Yes...being anally raped with a rusty spatula would be good. And yes there is no such thing as necroposting in the library as far as I am aware. Although if there were, his post would be exactly that.

    ______________

    Okay over all, I think this story quality light years ahead of most of the drivel that is on FF.net. But that really isn't saying much.

    First I hate the OCs. Honestly I don't care for OCs most of the time, particularly if they are muggles or worse one trick pony X-men type OCs. If I wanted to read about muggles with absurd powers I'd just read X-men or something. So -1 point.

    Second the trip to France. Generally I liked the whole trip sequence provided it remained focused on Harry and introduced characters which will be important later...like the Delacours. That said the trip from London to Calais was done poorly. The Channel Tunnel (AKA Chunnel) was opened to the public in 1994! Given that this is supposedly happening in 1988-1989 the service tunnel had not yet been completed yet, much less the train tunnels. As such to get to Calais, Harry would be required to take a train from London, to Dover, and a ferry from Dover to Calais. -2 points because this annoyed me about as much as when people have Harry listening to Muggle songs by bands that haven't formed yet or talking on a cell phone in the Early 1990s that doesn't look like a brick.

    The trip to Russia---okay I have to admit that I did like the trip to Russia as a plot development. It was just too easy for him. A 8-10 year old kid crossing First the French/West German Boarder without check point...then the West German/East German boarder without checkpoint, Entering the Berlin Zone Without Checkpoint going in and going out, the East German/Polish Boarder without checkpoint and then the Polish/Soviet boarder without checkpoint...Is impossible without memory modification and/or an invisibility cloak. -1 point.

    Okay I know by counting all the point docks I've made people are thinking...Alex--this is a 1/5 how can it be better than most of the drivel on FF.net?

    I have to add 1 point for technical execution. I cannot stress enough that trying to read a story no matter how original or interesting in premise must also be executed grammatically with a minimum level of literacy.

    I also add 1 point for having an original premise behind the story--which is hard to come by in this day and age where just about everything is a cliche anymore.

    So over all I rate this a 3/5. It is library worthy...but barely so. Although I would like to see this completed at some point in the future if only because I'm intrigued by this Harry.
     
  8. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,511
    Location:
    One of the Shires
    High Score:
    9,373
    Methodical guy is methodical, but also has a major point I agree with. Harry should not have been able to cross the Berlin Wall that easily. It simply should not be possible.
     
  9. Promios

    Promios Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    120
    Location:
    Sweden
    I liked this fic very much. The feel of the fic appeals to me. Sometimes I had a hard time knowing what's going on, if it's my poor English or just a part of the mystic I don't know, probably a bit of both.

    Hope the hiatus won't be too long.

    4.5/5
     
  10. Speakers

    Speakers Backtraced

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2010
    Messages:
    697
    really nice fanfic and kept me hooked for the part of the fic before the rescue. The rescue itself and afterwards the fic started to lose focus. Overall 5/5 for the first half and 3/5 for the second so overall 4/5 :p
     
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