The concepts I found him screwing up were psychological in nature. Mostly it just seemed like if a freshmen were to pop in to psych 100 and learn a few basic tricks.

Real world practice doesn't work like it does in the fanfic.

Yes it is pretty damn hard to screw up Malfoy. This is because Malfoy remains as a secondary character and has very straight forward goals. He does have a slightly less cliche` way of protraying Malfoy though I wouldn't use new directions as the way to describe it.

Hung up? If I cannot find myself believing the characters, then there is no reason to read the story. The lazy characterization alone makes it difficult to enjoy.

Top that on a mediocre writing style that has been driven into the dirt because the author believes himself to be the next coming of fanfic Jesus, unrightfully so as well, and you get yourself a crappy writing style.

You don't have to care about what I say. I'm just giving my review of the story. I did not go "OMG! This story suxxors." I gave careful observations on what I felt it was lacking in to explain my score. If you don't agree then don't agree. Don't act like I'm raping your mother just because you find it hard to believe that people have varying opinions.

 

Jesus christ, can we go anymore fucking off topic?

This thread is about the story that just updated.

As for what started that shit, Terikol, you criticism is valid, though others may disagree about the content, its not trying too hard. Dunno why pdo said you were.

Ashaya, I see you are moving up in the world, literally in case of your avatar. First it was legs, now boobs?

ANYWAY, back to the story at hand.

Update was very... interesting actually. I again thoroughly enjoyed reading that, however I expect a lot of people will hate it.

I can definitely see the point however. Too many people do not know when to admit they are wrong. Looking forward to more updates, as always.

 

I really did enjoy this chapter, the writing seems to be improving. Also, I'm enjoying the dialog, but I can't pinpoint exactly why. Ideas, anyone?

Having him humiliated like that felt a little rushed, personally. I think it would have been more fitting for mid-to-late 1st year.

4/5 for this and the last chapter.

OT:
@Ellisande. I forgot what thread I was in, to be honest. Damn hospital meds. And I figured it was about time to move on up! Felt like a switch to the boobs was in order >.> Plus Mila Kunis is a fox.

 

Ah. I was going to ask, but upon reading this I do see that they are indeed the boobs of Mila Kunis. Hmm.
As to the story, read the update and, as far as this story goes, it is a good one. As long as I don't really take it seriously I can stand it, cause if I were to try and really get into it I would constantly be pissed off by the characterization of Dumbledore.

 

Fwaa? Seriously?

My reaction reading this paraphrases Morbo: HUMAN BEINGS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. Everything in this fic is increasingly contrived and completely unlike actual human behavior and/or interaction. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but someone mentioned crackfic and I guess that's the closest comparison. The latest chapter has gone way, way beyond that. It has to be read to be believed.

 

Not characterization; dialogue. It was engaging and felt like I would imagine them speaking in that way. Characterization was all over the place, however.

 

Well, now he decides to listen to feedback.

Too little, too late, I'm afraid.

 

Unfortunately true. I just caught up with the rest of this story today, and I've now realized I have a lot more issues with it than before.

Firstly, all my previous complaints are still completely valid, but now I've got new ones. I dislike the way this writer has written Dumbledore and Snape, and this author's habit of preaching vehemently from Harry and Quirrell's mouths has gotten worse and worse.

My biggest problem with this story is tone - it's schizophrenic to the extreme, particularly between chapters. The atmosphere is so badly compromised by the sudden shifts that this story loses suspension of disbelief, and it's hurting the plot too. I can't tell where the underlying theme is coming through or coming from, and that really hurts my reading experience.

Follow it up with worsening dialogue and some of the most stilted and (plot-wise) unnecessary scenes I've seen in a long time, and I cannot rate this story well. Like Terry Goodkind, the writer has forsaken his plot and characters for his message and bad crack-humour.

This story heartily deserves its 2/5.

 

Looks to me like this is a story people either hate or love. Anyway, I think this new chapter was great (more so for the promise of a Sunday update!). It's simply fun to read. Not in a joke every two lines way, but just fun. That, in my books, puts this at a solid 4.5/5 and looking like it's going to go up.

 

So yeah... Voldemort wins.

 

Harry's gonna get pwned by Voldemort. Fucking Horcrux in space surprised the hell out of me. Be sure to read this chapter's AN, it really sheds some light on the situation.

Didn't enjoy this chapter as much, but a plot IS forming, thank goodness.

 

Ok, Horcrux in space = pretty fucking awesome.

I have to say, I really wasn't sure if PQ was LV for a while there, good to see that he is however.

Looking forward to more, as always.

 

Aaah Sesc, don't let the H/Hr make you hate it too much.

But naw, I get the issues you guys have with this fic, I just don't have the same issues.

 

Quote for motherfucking truth.

I wouldn't mind nearly as much if he just stuck to something and went with it. Instead, he goes all over the place and it really messes with you.

As for what Sesc says, I completely agree. If you try to use logical extremes, you can do anything; in fact, I could easily say that the power of a horcrux's resurrection capabilities is inversely proportional to distance, because of the inverse-square law applied to the soul flux emanating from the horcrux. This would then invalidate the power of all horcruxes a certain distance too far from the resurrection point.

The point isn't to be able to go "haha I discovered a plothole and I'm going to exploit it" (unless you're writing a crackfic)...it's to write an enjoyable story. Less Wrong completely misses the boat, regardless of all the reviews he's getting.

 

I am a little vexed that he used this premise, one which I had employed in the setup for the HP/Starship Troopers crossover I've been writing. I had Voldemort make the song "Johnny B Goode" into a horcrux/taboo cross. (It's one of the tracks on the golden record sent up on Voyager). Though Rock and Roll music is banned on Earth (with the military take-over), when the bugs discover Voyager, they play the record, he takes on new life and seizes control of a queen bug and voila.

Harry is in Johnnie's squad in the MI. Insouciant and immortal, he's the last conscript in all of Earth's forces and, hidden to all but the top brass, the last remaining true Wizard, the rest having been wiped out during the fall of the Statue of Secrecy while HP served a stint in Azkaban. (Now, all those showing any magical talent are routed to Special Ops, where Legillimency/Occlumency maps into the ESP of Heinlein's world). He also happens to be a shit-hot pilot, busted down and booted to the Army for slugging an Air Marshall. He was Carmencita's mentor and knows her well, much to Johnnie's annoyance. Things go tits up on a mission when their pilot buys the farm on a vital campaign and they miss pickup with intel that can swing the war. Harry takes control. Enter story proper.

I'd intersticed the thing with a historical critique of Starship Troopers happy fascism, as told from Hermione's pensieve memories. She's leading the Magical resistance against the military coup that usurped governments around the world. It's all that Harry has of his lover, who was summarily executed for high treason while he was incarcerated.

No way I continue with it now, though. I refuse to be accused of ripping off LessWrong of all people.

 

That actually sounds like a damn good story. I hope you do continue writing it. Also who cares if people think you ripped him off, there are simply so many stories now that it's nearly impossible to be original. It's why I no longer judge stories based on that premise, I judge them based upon how well they are written and how well the story flows. Besides, you would know the truth about it and that's all that really matters.

 

PERSPICACITY!

This is wrong. I forbid you to stop writing your awesome sounding story just because some random dude elsewhere has already used a similar idea. Screw him. Please write your story.

 

Perspicacity: your idea has one similar component, and it is used in such a different way that you should NOT give it up just because of LessWrong. Or I hope you don't, and are just joking. I'm sure very few people will even notice that you both have a space horcrux.

Jeez, Perfect Lionheart has something similar as well, on Harry's side (with the tree nymphs in space, I think). The good idea is worth being similar to questionable authors....and I like the general idea.

 

I have mentioned making the Voyager golden record into a horcrux on the CaerAzkaban yahoo group. There was a discussion there about hiding a horcrux in the Mariana Trench (where you would be able to get it back if you needed to), and I suggested Voyager instead, which is more secure, but impossible to get back if it's needed for a resurrection. That was a while ago, and I am sure I wasn't the first to think about it, though I am pretty sure I "invented" it independently.

Anyway, over the years, lots of people have thought about better ways to hide Koschei's life than in a needle in an egg in a duck in a hare in an iron chest under an oak tree on an island in the ocean. Lots of people have watched Carl Sagan and read about the Pioneer and Voyager missions. The idea is not original, but rarely is an idea truly original. Just like an original idea alone doesn't make a story, an unoriginal idea alone doesn't break it. See: JKR's books. None of it truly original, much of it very flawed, sold a zillion copies, loved by millions. We are still discussing it years after it was finished, some of us keep discussing it in-spite of declaring the series ruined by its author. Please write your story.