1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Oneshot Number Games by jbern - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by wordhammer, May 22, 2010.

  1. wordhammer

    wordhammer Dark Lord DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2010
    Messages:
    1,918
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In the wood room, somewhere flat
    Title: Number Games
    Author: jbern
    Rating: M
    Genre: Romance (or Sports)
    DLP Category: General
    Pairing: Ron Weasley/Padma Patil
    Words: 14,690
    Published: May 21, 2010

    Status: Oneshot
    Summary: Ron Weasley, an aging quidditch player in the middle of possibly the biggest game of his life, looks back at the places where his life changed for the better and the worse. Book 7 compliant but not epilogue compliant.

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5987922/1/Number_Games

    I almost feel like it's cheating to post this.

    JBern has written an excellent sports-love story around the trio's favorite fuck-up, Ron Weasley. It follows in the pattern of sports-worshipping films of Kevin Costner like 'For the love of the Game' and 'Bull Durham', including some amazingly well-detailed pro level Quidditch descriptions. The romance between Ron and Padma is equally believable and sets the meaning for the title- Padma is aiming for her Arithmancy Mastery when their almost-relationship hits its inevitable snag. Even that complication seems natural.

    Enough gushing. Ignore any Ron-bias you may have. Read it and cheer.

    5 of 5


    Checked by Minion, July 28, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2013
  2. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2007
    Messages:
    293
    Location:
    Dún na ngall
    High Score:
    5,792
    Padma Patil is only allowed to be paired with Harry Potter. If she is not paired with Harry, she will die alone, as a spinster.

    Therefore, this fic is wrong.


    EDIT: People have quoted this post, so for the sake of thread-coherency it stays where it is; but for future reference, it would make me very happy and motherly if you could refrain from posting idiocies in review threads.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2010
  3. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,789
    Location:
    California
    I think you'll find that not many people will read this. I won't either.
     
  4. Heleor

    Heleor EsperJones DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,442
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Good read. The game as a framing device is an interesting story-telling mechanism, but the wrap-up to the story seems a bit too neat. Deus ex Harry?

    That said, it ate my time well. 4/5.
     
  5. scaryisntit

    scaryisntit Death Eater

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2008
    Messages:
    926
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    As soon as I saw you were the most recent poster in this topic, I figured you'd say something like this. A tincy bit predictable, you are.

    Knee-jerk reaction was considerable wariness - I'm hardly a fan of Ron centric fics. However, this was different. Unlike most Ron-centric fics, jBern actually made me care about him. It had solid storytelling. Romance wise it was better than most. Aside from a few passages, it kept me interested right until the end. I think people should at least give it a chance. It surprised me.

    4.5/5
     
  6. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    As Scary said, knee-jerk Is 'Hell no', but it is Jbern, and everyone who's actually read it has been positive...

    Edit:

    -Snickers-

    Very much a HP rendition of 'the Perfect game', but pretty damn good for all of that, Nice to see JB hasn't lost his touch.

    That being said, as well written as it is, it's got a couple of cliche' working against it's overall score. 'Harry can fix anything' being a big one. 'Stuck in Harry's shadow' saw some time though it was coupled with the less used 'I don't mind that so much'. There was a bit of Ron bashing, though the vitriol between him and Hermoine made it worthwhile.

    Overall very well written but certainly not perfect. Sorry JB, my vote is 4.2

    Well worth the read, but not enough to make me keep coming back to it.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2010
  7. Nuit

    Nuit Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2010
    Messages:
    1,934
    Location:
    The Peach State
    When I first got the E-Mail alert from my FanFicAuthors account for this story and saw that Ron was the main character and not Harry I completely dismissed this out of hand just like Seratin. I might read it but, there's a bigger chance of Paris Hilton doing something worthwhile in her life
     
  8. Sal Paradise

    Sal Paradise Fifth Year

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2010
    Messages:
    142
    Location:
    underneath a rock
    I started this expecting this to be boring, and was very pleasantly surprised.

    5/5
     
  9. JWH

    JWH Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2008
    Messages:
    776
    Location:
    Paris
    Good one-shot. I don't have too strong a bias against Ron, compared to most of you, so I didn't mind the premise. However there was nothing absolutely riveting in the story, and I found myself not really caring either way about the ending.

    Interesting character interaction with Harry, Hermione and Padma.

    The writing was not as good as I'd expected. Sometimes even a bit awkward.

    So yeah, 3.5/5 from me. Rounded down because of the Reveal being okay thanks to Quidditch.
     
  10. Trooper

    Trooper Death Eater

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2009
    Messages:
    970
    Location:
    Bangalore, India
    Wasn't expecting much, didn't get much.

    I think that maybe the fic was meant to be a kind of DH-compliant epilogue. The fic was bland and fullfilled its purpose as a time-pass. Like tvtropes. I finished reading it without any kind of high or low points, no excitement, no actual drama( atleast there was nothing which I found entertaining. >_>), just plain reading because of mild interest.

    So, 3/5.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2010
  11. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2009
    Messages:
    1,551
    Location:
    Department of Post-Mortem Communications
    High Score:
    2,101
    I liked it, it was not perfect and Harry being sort of the Blackstaff of the wizarding world and Ron's joker was a bit meh but otherwise, I enjoyed it. It adds that I actually like Ron and did care about his character. The Quidditch was ok, Hermione and Wood being the antagonists of sorts was handled well and Padma as the love-interest of sorts for Ron was rather believable.

    I give it a 4/5
     
  12. drolly

    drolly Squib

    Joined:
    May 10, 2010
    Messages:
    8
    Location:
    Australia
    I think it's a more realistic ending to DH. I liked how Ron surmised the Harr's happiness was well-earned and knowing his own mistakes. The friendship dynamic was also quite good and it shows how Ron has grown and yet still in some parts, Ron we know. Harry Potter with the Death stick was a definite plus.

    Rate 5/5
     
  13. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    1,404
    Location:
    Poland
    I can't say I liked it very much. It's long, boring, not Harry-centric and features Quidditch. Sure, the writing style is solid, but it's simply a story I care almost nothing about, the "almost" being there because there were pieces of Harry's story.

    Also, I don't believe wizards would back down to muggles demanding regulations in any area of their lives.

    3/5
     
  14. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,022
    Location:
    Where idiots are not legally permitted to vote
    High Score:
    3,994
    I'm not the most unbiased commenter on this piece, since I whispered a few suggestions in Jim's ear as he wrote it. Take my comments with that in mind.

    It's about a middle-aged Ron, shown in (eventually) a sympathetic light. It's romance. It's quidditch. It's patterned off a Costner film (The Love of the Game) in which Bob Costas delivers the only memorable lines. There's plenty in it to think "autofail" and not give it a chance.

    That would be a mistake.

    It's also some of Jim's most memorable fanfiction storytelling, a tale of adult characters reflecting back on their lives and their fuckups and things they got right. It's about a flawed guy making a midlife transition into who knows what. Ron let the love of his life slip away because he was a selfish ass and even a moment of perfection in one facet of his life after a life defined by failure isn't enough to remove the sting.

    I like the story. It's not perfect, but for what it set out to do and actually did, I think Jim came pretty close. 5/5
     
  15. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2009
    Messages:
    2,077
    Location:
    UK
    High Score:
    2,296
    I really enjoyed this, and given that I'm not exactly a fan of sports films/stories, that surprised me. But the writing was solid, Ron's life was believeable, and the character interaction was mostly pretty good. Some of the bits between Ron and Harry at the start felt a little forced, but other than that, pretty good.
    The reveal at the end was...convienent, but it did let Harry have a rather awesome moment to finish it off with, so never mind.

    4/5
     
  16. Dethklok

    Dethklok Order Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2008
    Messages:
    839
    Location:
    The power of Christ compels him not to tell you.
    I'm not a sports person, more of an action/horror/grimDARK kind of guy, but this gets my seal of approval.

    One of the problems with Ron stories and stories with Ron in it is that bashing and stupid shit seems to be inevitable. Weasley hate seems to be par the course. That said, what struck me as the best part of this oneshot was that JBern made Ron an adult, a flawed, cynical, drunk, angry, at times deep, adult, with the years having made him a little bit smarter.

    But only a little.

    As for what has been said about cliches in this story, at least they are used well. If Harry was a pussy instead of a low-key badass, people would be up in arms over that. But he has a happy family life with Ginny, a good job promoting cooperation and a better future, and still gets to come down on dark wizards like the wrath of God.

    And I like that Harry has that quiet strength in this. When the BWL speaks, you better fucking listen, or it's your ass. It feels like Harry has finalli made that transition from the orphan who was a freak to the Dursleys, to following Dumbledore's lead, for good or ill, to making it on his own and creating his own image.

    5/5.
     
  17. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,957
    Location:
    Ghost Planet
    Not bad for a waste of time, but ... Doesn't really interest me considering my utter hatred of Ron...

    Got to say though... Ron on the Cannons? OH MY GOD WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT! That was nearly enough to get me to ditch it straight out.

    Still, decent-ish. I'd go so high as a 3, simply because I disliked though "Rubbish old player comes back and kicks the snot out of the young guys and gets the hot chick" movies. This reads fairly well, but just not my style.
     
  18. DarthBill

    DarthBill The Chosen One DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2006
    Messages:
    2,230
    Location:
    Texas
    I liked it about as much as I liked "The Perfect Game."

    4/5
     
  19. Insanity

    Insanity Second Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2008
    Messages:
    57
    As with several others I was at first interested when I saw a new fic by jbern but then thought hell no when I saw it was about Ron primarily despite people saying it was still good. It was Nemrut's comment about Harry being some kind of Blackstaff that actually perswaded me to read it.

    The writing is good, as expected for jbern but the theme just isn't for me. Well written and orriginal but fails to attract any real interest or make you care about what happens.
    3/5
     
  20. Nemo

    Nemo Second Year

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2007
    Messages:
    58
    4/5.

    It was a unique idea compared to the tiny handful of plots that every other Harry Potter fanfic seems to be based on (there's the 'I can do the entire series better, seriously guys' plot, the 'Harry randomly grows some balls after fifth year' plot, the 'Harry dates a Generic Slytherin Girl (her name doesn't matter, they all have the same personality anyway)' plot...). It also managed to keep Ron's character close to what you'd expect (he's kind of a selfish git, but mostly out of ignorance than malice) with a dozen years or so of life tacked on.

    It helped that it was also pretty damn funny in spots, like Ron's musing about what kind of girls are 'bad for his image' or the foreshadowing about Harry's job paying off at the end.
     
Loading...