I am just wondering if there is a proper way to make a mid story POV switch without making the whole fic to go to hell. I have permission from another author to rewrite their fic. The second half of their fic is well written, in third person, but the first half needed to be redone. I wrote it in first person because it seemed a lot more intense and flowed smoother.

What I am currently doing is going through the previous authors existing chapters and switching the Harry's, his, etc to I, Mine, myself, etc, while adding some depth to the story. However a lot of the sentences become muddled and I end up rewriting a lot of it to make better sense. So far I have added a 22k word prologue and rewritten one existing chapter into first person.

I would rather not post the chapter in public, before a good portion of the story is done at least, but I would be willing to pm it to someone for them to do a comparison and tell me what they thought was better, and if they think I should just do the whole story in third or first person POV.

 

Tense/view point is important, though I guess it's overlooked in fanfiction (people just seem to love third person past). While there technically isn't anything wrong with randomly switching from first to third, it can be jarring– but you should use this to your advantage. Since you're being vague I can't suggest much else...

Identify a point in the story that is dramatic, where Harry is changed significantly. Maybe he's traumatized or something and becomes distant from himself. Switch from first to third at that point. In theory, that should work.

 

Try reading some fanfiction where it works to get a sense of how. Nuhuh manages it well with his Bleach crossover, as does Nugar and his Naruto story, People Lie. My A Mother-In-Law's Love will do a 1st to 3rd person transition in the epilogue. (The next chapter will swap back from past to present tense as well).

 

If you're looking for a non-fanfic book that pulled it off, Stephen King's 'Christine' is the best example I can think of - the first and third thirds are first person, but the second third is written in third because the narrator is in a coma.

...

Huh. That was easily the most confusing and worst-written paragraph of my life.

 

I think if you're going to do a switch from first person to third, then you need to make it a thing, like a constant to the story. What I mean is, you can't just do it once, you need to do it all the time (like Little Chicago's example).

Generally though, I say stick to one. A constant change, or just one change, in perspectives can feel extremely annoying to the reader.

 

thanks for the helpful tips so far. As secs did mention, i was having trouble just switching 'Harry' to 'I' and ended up changing pretty much every sentence that i had to do that with. What I really am trying to use first person for is for inner monologue type of stuff. Like this story I am trying to redo is a nonstandard indy!harry (and line between"dark"/"light" is blurred) who tries to learn wizarding culture and traditions that you don't learn while being a Grfyfindor at a Dumbledore run Hogwarts. So basically Harry was meeting with a random pureblood girl (DG) to learn the cultural stuff he should have learned if he grew up in an actually wizarding home instead of the Dursleys.

First person was working out good when he is trying to change his mindset from that of a muggle waving a wooden stick to that of a wizard being apart of the magical world and feeling his magic. The thing that I am getting caught up for is standard scenes such as Harry going to Gringotts or boarding the Hogwarts Express. First person is just bland there when there is not too much inner monologue and me trying to hash out Harry's thought patterns to new pieces of information he just learned. Scenes like that I think would be better if it was written in third person so the reader is no overwhelmed with unneeded information.

I have planned a lot of inner monologue and thought process for the whole story, as Harry's change in politics, culture, tradition, mindset, emotions, etc is not going to be an overnight thing.

Also, as an aside, I have experimented with a POV switch in my lastest chapter in (shameless plug) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563863/11/Harry_Potter_and_the_Root_of_all_Evil

The whole story is in third person, but I switch over to first person when Harry and his shaman companion run into a nundu in the wilds of Africa. I think it added a lot of intensity to that scene and there is a feeling of immersion into the story.

 

I tried that switching perspectives like that with my terribad now-deleted Hellsing/Marvel crossover. Didn't help it at all, that's for certain.

 

You can switch perspectives for different characters, allowing one viewpoint character to feel a little more immediate and connected to the reader than another. I'm not sure how much use it would be beyond that...maybe to indicate shifts in mental state, if a character was drugged or possessed.

tl;dr Stylisticly relevant, otherwise not very important.

 

PUV shifts in the middle of a story, or even a chapter, always feel jarring to me. They are one of the things that can prevent me from reading on, unless something is really keeping my interest. So I recommend you pick a PUV and stick with it, if you're not confident on your ability to handle the transition.

 

Here is an odd paragraph I having trouble with;

Harry was halfway through the delicious food when he started to drift off to sleep. Electra saw this and summoned the elf to clean up. She then ordered the elf to make sure that Harry knew that he was to stay in bed until she visited again. She also gave strict instructions as to what Harry should be fed and when. Once she was convinced that the elf knew what she was supposed to do, Electra left the sleeping Harry and returned to her own home. She had decided, upon hearing the boy's story, that she would not charge him her usual fee. She was wealthy already and did not need his money. She wasn't thinking of him as a patient and it was quite clear that he needed a mother-figure more anyways given the condition of that boy's body and the notion that his allies, so many of them, had returned him to an abusive situation repeatedly. If she ever heard that someone, even Albus Dumbledore, wanted to send that boy back, they would have to go through an angry Electra Black to do it.



Rewritten;

I was halfway through the delicious food when I started to drift off to sleep. Electra saw this and summoned the elf to clean up. She then ordered the elf to make sure that I knew that I was to stay in bed until she visited again. She also gave strict instructions as to what I should be fed and when. Once she was convinced that the elf knew what she was supposed to do, Electra left me and returned to her own home. She had decided, upon hearing my story, that she would not charge her usual fee. She was wealthy already and did not need my money. She wasn't thinking of me as a patient and it was quite clear that I needed a mother-figure more anyways given the condition of my body and the notion that my allies, so many of them, had returned me to an abusive situation repeatedly. If she ever heard that someone, even Albus Dumbledore, wanted to send me back, they would have to go through an angry Electra Black to do it.

My thoughts and concerns; I am finding it hard to think of good way to show another character's thoughts while in first person. It makes it seem like Harry's has insider information that he should not know. I think it might be possible to split that paragraph into half first and half third, but that just seems sloppy to me.

 

Your first person POV is completely incorrect. The first and most important point to remember while writing in first person is that you cannot show the thoughts and feelings of persons that are not quite apparent to the protagonist.

Let me illustrate.

If Harry here is drifting to sleep that he cannot be conscious enough to know what Electra is ordering the elf to do, so very precisely.

How does Harry here know that Electra was convinced? He can't possibly know for sure.

What you should have tried was something like this: Electra was assured by the elf that she'd take care of me, since she soon decided to return home.

Here, Harry makes a logical reasoning that the only reason Electra is returning to home is because she is assured of his well-being being taken care of instead of just writing Electra is going to home.

How can Harry know this? How does it become clear to him that he needs a mother like figure in his life.

This is no longer first person POV, you're telling it thorugh Electra's POV.

First person can be very limiting in its nature. Unless you have extensive experience in writing or if you're unsure of your skills try third person POV.

Also, the snippet that you showed does not leave me with an anticipation for the fic. I do not know what the plot is, so won't pass judgment, but I believe that instead of putting so much work in the story you should just try posting the plot at the plot bunny thread. You'll get people who can tell you if it is worth working on or not. You may even get help on how to fine tune your plot.

 

The snippet wasn't supposed to. It is a random part of the story that I picked out that I was having trouble with because it kept rapidly switching back and forth between the two active character's actions.
It is actually the only part in the 5 chapters I have rewritten that was really awkward like that. I do know the reason for it though, it is one of those punchline type moments, because it is the first time that the audience learns the last name of Harry's savior (event takes place during summer after 5th year, so Sirius is freshly dead).

I think that that the only way that paragraph can be written correctly is through use of dialogue.

-edit- It's hard to explain the plot in a few sentences, but essentially Harry slowly discovers that there is more to the wizarding world than the muggle-influenced Hogwarts that Dumbledore has turned the school into(Christmas, easter, all the stuff blood-traitors like the Weasley's enjoy).

Harry receives a letter from a recently deceased person that was friends with his long-deceased granduncle and aunt. It explains that he now owns a house in a village completely hidden from the ministry by use of many charms, including multiple layers of Fidelus (one on your own property, and another on the village itself), and that with his death the property is returned to Harry. At the same time Harry has also been receiving letters from the wife of a death eater, who is trying to explain their position in the war to Harry, who knows nothing of what the war is actually about other then the information the Dumbledore feeds him. She also tries to explain the true (and only) wizarding culture of Britain (based on a combination of Wicca and Celtic polytheism) to Harry, who grew up with the Dursley's and is mildly interested in how a traditionalist wizard would have grown up.

Essentially, Harry only knows one half of the argument, and the Death Eater's wife is trying to explain the other half, so Harry can make informed decisions with his life instead of being led like a lamb to slaughter by being naive. Harry pretty much finds out that both sides in the war are equally guilty when it comes to atrocities, but since Dumbledore's faction won the war, their roles in meaningless deaths was down played, while the Death Eaters roles were over-exaggerated. It is a case of 'history is written by the victors.' It is explained how Aurors got away with slaughtering relatives of Death Eaters (Innocent families that simply follow their own opposing beliefs which are not really malicious in actuality. Think of it like Republicans killing all the Democrats just because they believe in different things. It is more of a political battle than religious battle.) just so they did not have to fill out the paperwork.

Oh, and Electra Black from the snippet above, is actually the wife of Regulus Black, who has been hiding in the secret village since his supposed death ~16 years ago. Electra is not the person writing Harry though, that is another Death Eater's wife altogether.

 

That's exactly correct.

You see this all the time in fanfiction, but I've personally noticed it more in Naruto fics.

In order to get around 3rd party thoughts/reactions... they nearly almost always, rely on some sort of "teamwork" / "know each other so well" cliche.

 

I actually disagree with your example of jbern's Lie as an unnecessary use of first-person perspective. The first person perspective was almost necessary due to the identity crisis that HJ was going through, especially at the beginning of the story. I don't think it would have had near the impact it did for me from second or third person.

In general, I think first person works best if you limit it to the main viewpoint character of the story. This is usually the protagonist, but I suppose it could be a third party narrator. If you want to use different perspectives, use it for other characters. As mentioned above, you have to keep in mind the limited information you can give when writing from first person, because you can really only tell us what that character knows or thinks.

Having a shift in perspective from first person to third person for the same character's point of view needs to have a good reason. It has to serve the story, and not just your preferred writing style. I think it's perfectly okay to change perspectives, so long as you keep that in mind. If you do it mid-stream, it's going to be jarring. Sometimes you want that -well done it could be very dramatic- but most times you don't.

It's nice to see people experimenting with perspectives. Along with utilizing communities like this, I think it can only help your growth as a writer.