I was wondering about that, too. But who knows, maybe Snape does know German.

Anyways, I like how you portrayed Occlumency and I thought this was a great chapter, overall. I felt like the Chamber of Secrets section was brushed over and could have used some more length, but I understand that it isn't really that relevant to the plot at this point.

I assume that in the next part we'll find out about Harry's grades...it'll be interesting to see whether or not he actually beats Grindelwald's record.

 

It's a good point, but that problem can easily be explained away by the author. Good update Santi, I always look forward to this story.

 

Why is it so short? Why?!

More seriously, I liked Snape telling Harry that his method of teaching Occlumency was the same as he was taught by Dumbledore. I believe it comes from one of the discussions on DLP or maybe you thought of it before, but it is nice change from Snape just being mean.

I think it would be cool and logical if Harry would also learn Legilimency. I've never read fanfic were his ability to read minds would be used in smart ways. Not to mention I don't believe he would not abuse this ability, at least in the beginning, and that could give us few interesting plots - him reading accidentally from his parents minds/his brother truth about Quirrell. Or maybe discovering some interesting things from minds of Kira/Victor/Calypso (even if girls know Occlumency it would be just practice for him ).

I hope we will see in next part if Harry managed to break Gellert's academic record.

 

Just because it made me cringe something terrible.

Nothing else meant by it.

 

Yeah, I was really happy when I read that. For once, Occlumency isn't something that can be learned from books.

 

Harry isn't that Book Dumb yet, is he? Apart from that, liked it. I think you should make your chapters shorter; waiting a month at a time for a decent-sized update isn't satisfying in this world where time keeps on tickin'.

Also, not sure if I said this yet, but I hope that Harry doesn't beat Grindelwald's record. Seriously, if Harry can top one of the best dark wizard's record in exactly two years of study, why the hell is he still a student? I don't particularly want to read the third year where Harry is looking for shit to do, while we speed along for the fourth year.

 

I'll be okay with it if Harry beats the record, as it doesn't really reflect upon their genius.

I mean if Grindelwald made the record when he was 15 and taking all 7th year classes, then the material he covered would be far and above what Harry is doing, even if Harry does manage a new record.

I think it works out.

 

Well, the way I understood it, was that the a awards are handed out according to the best final project in each class, not overall. So, Harry could easily beat Grindelwald's record without it actually meaning he's better than him. Could just mean there are less gifted students in Harry's classes. Plus, maybe Grindelwald got his record in his first year.

Harry beating the record would only mean that he beat the record. Not that he's a better wizard than Grindelwald was, either at his age or overall.

 

As always, I post the list of mistakes I've compiled as I read. If they have been mentioned already - forgive me for wasting bandwidth.

the infirmary, “Madam Pomfrey - the quotes should go the other way, and please use regualr double quotes, not angled double quotes.

keeping Harry away from - you wanted to italicize "away"

"I swear I'll take very good care of it. I promise." - if he swears, he doesn't need to promise.

Isn't James an Auror? Doesn't he know Occlumency? Now that he knows Harry is trying to learn it, what does he say?

"him.He" - missing space

asked sternly. - missing end quote, missing pronoun.

"about this Occlumency" ... "Occlumency didn't sound like anything Dark" - so key members of the order of the phoenix don't even know what occlumency is? wtf?

I''ll ask - extra apostrophe

"difficult then convincing" - than

"to Sirius house" - missing apostrophe

Potions' master - extra apostrophe

the Potter's home - extra apostrophe

"that their would be any" - there

"your suppliers name" - missing apostrophe

"anything drink before" - missing "to"

You're mother went - your

"can navigating through" - navigate

"I could careless" - missing space

"Howhad he ended" - missing space

"you.We’re" - missing space

"Occlumentes" - remove "t"

 

Thinking about Harry beating Gellert made me think about something else - a great adventure for Harry to make his 3rd year more exciting before he will come back to Hogwarts in his 4th year. There is almost none chance that Santi has the same idea, but to be on safe side, because it uses one element he introduced in earlier chapters, everything is in spoiler.

Spoiler

What if marks that Grindelwald left are clues to find something? Maybe some secret room nobody knows about. Hogwarts has two like that so Durmstrang may have at least one.

More so, what if in this room there is special object that Gellert left, his Horcrux. So Harry finds the room and discovers Horcrux. He probably has some idea what it is, because he saw what happened in CotS. So he is very careful with it and plans to tell Headmaster about it, but Grindelwald makes him an offer he can't refuse - he will teach him about magic Harry will not find in Durmstrang library, because Gellert learned it when traveling around the world. Harry of course agrees because he believes that if knows how dangerous Horcrux may be, he can protect himself. Little he knows that every time he takes lessons from Gellert, he creates more strong bond between him and Horcrux that in the end will enable Grindelwald to posses him and recreate his body.

Because it is in my mind one year plot, resolution should happen before Harry goes on vacation between 3rd and 4th year. Maybe with him destroying Horcrux with use of Fiendfyre when Gellert tries to posses him but can't because Harry is better at Occlumency that Grindelwald expects.

tl;dr Some random ideas because I spend to much time thinking what could happen in fanfics of other authors instead of writing my own.

 

with how he's trying to make nathan's life as close to canon-harry as possible, the return of Voldemort is inevitable so I doubt that'll happen Celestin (Two dark lords coming back to life within a year is impossible, even in fanon)

 

What if Harry finds in this secret room a two-way mirror to Gellert's cell? Or something similar... Harry suddenly starts hearing voices, telling him what to do ... It could be interesting. Because frankly as adventure goes, Harry doesn't really do anything. He just learns and learns...

Maybe it's time for some action?

 

Good update. Quibbles:

I found the first few paragraphs about the Chamber uninteresting, mostly due to the fact that it's an info-dump that fits canon happenings in the story, and also because the writing is generally bland:

Simple example... Maybe he could get told off, or whatever.

Perhaps some mothers really act like this, but I've never witnessed it irl, and it's a cliché that comes up word for word in fiction. It's generally symptomatic of the fact that Lily and James are somewhat two-dimensional characters.

That said, Krum's letter was good, and the whole Occlumency part was excellent. I like your interpretation of Snape a lot, and Lily is better written in her interaction with him too.

I don't know what the official plural is, but like this one. That should stay, imo.

 

It would be an interesting twist to include Grindelwald. Although Honestly I don't think it needs to pit Harry against Grindelwald hocrux since that is too canon.

I can't remember the story right now but their was this one where Harry gets locked in the same prison as Grindelwald and he turns out to have become more reasonable and they end up breaking out and fighting Voldemort. I think greywizard was the author of that story.

Why not have something like that? Grindelwald was beaten, it would be amusing if he saw the error in his ways and while not becoming a good guy somehow ends up mentoring Harry. Or even have Grindelwald's hocrux be from when he was much younger and much more reasonable.

I just like the idea of Grindelwald mentoring Harry now it seems like a good way to make a Dark!Harry story without Voldemort being needed or a trunk!library full of Dark-Arts-that-arent-dark-the-ministry-just-kinda-doesnt-like.

 

And how exactly is Harry going to encounter Grindelwald? He's imprisoned somewhere, and that somewhere is most definitely not Durmstrang.

Also why the fuck would Grindelwald have hidden his horcrux at Durmstrang, much less given clues as to where to find it? I seriously doubt that he had the fixation on his school that Voldemort did. Finally, the best part about this Harry is that he doesn't really need a mentor, he is getting by on his own merits without someone giving him SUPERAWESOMESAUCE!training.

What part? There wasn't anything there that really sounded odd to me. My parents pulled out both of those lines on me when I was being a pain in the ass and they wanted an answer. As for her being bothered about him gambling, meh, it really depends on the family, I've known plenty who would've been fine with it and just as many who would have done just like this.

 

I think that Lily's reaction was pretty normal for a mother. I mean she finds out that her 12 year old son just bet the equivilent of 73 euro's (1 galleon= 7.38 euro's) solely as a cheer up for his friend. And in canon we see that galleons are a pretty large currency in the wizarding world. Either that, or the weasley's are really poor.

No parent wants to see such a flagrant disregard for money in their kids. Especially not from gambling.

 

Grindelwald and Voldemort back would make it go fubar very quickly, which is something this story needs. At the moment, its mostly magical theory and Harry's interactions with others, theres no major plot besides:

Is Calypso spying on me? Can I beat Grindelwalds record?

Whereas compare to the first two years of canon:

Can we find the mysterious object to stop the evil potions master? Can we find the heir of slytherin before everyone dies?

Nothing wrong with the story, I quite like it, but it does need some more interesting plot to drag us in even further. The interactions are great, but people are going to lose interest sooner or later without more meaningful depth to your plot; and unless you keep up with the magicaly theory throughout your entire story then there won't be much for people to chat about.

I think you said you are waiting for 4th year before the major stuff begins? Your over 100k words now for your story, (longer then the Philosphers Stone), so I recommend finishing Harry's third year, close this book of and call it Harry Potter and The Boy Who Lived - The Prequel and then let the story truly begin.

 

The only reason I can think of why he would leave clues is because he would want someone to find the Horcrux so he could be resurrected. This is assuming that a Horcrux needs outside influence to "activate".

As for how he could meet Grindelwald; What about a school field trip to Nurmengard? Since the war with Grindelwald was so huge it's very possible that they would visit historical places like this.

At the prison Harry somehow finds his way into the maximum security wing and meets him. Maybe Grindelwald manipulates Harry into finding the Horcrux convincing him that it would help him protect his loved ones from Voldemort.

If you're looking for a way for them to communicate for an extended period; how about the Horcrux being a two way mirror like Sirius and James have? Harry uses it to talk to Grindelwald not knowing that Grindelwald is feeding his magic into the Horcrux to take over Harry.

Besides those ideas I'm not too hot on him having a Horcrux. I'd prefer if Grindelwald decided Harry would carry on his legacy instead of taking over his soul.

Anyway, great story. This is one of the few fics where I check regularly for updates.