1. The Enemy of My Father » by Mihra-Attar reviews
Hagrid didn't get a chance to tell Harry that Slytherin was the ebiil House. Dark!Harry Dark!Snape Evil!Bumbleduck Unknown!Voldie. Rating:?/je ne sais pas/yo no sais/I have no clue.
Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 30 - Words: 66,204 - Reviews: 251 - Updated: 8-18-10 - Published: 7-4-09 - Harry P. & Blaise Z.

/facepalm

 

Bumbleduck - one part bee, one part mallard, all parts evil!

 

Don't forget dark!Snape :/ as if Snape is ever written as anything other than dark.

 

You know, this would normally fall into the category of average-fail-fics, but it's the main characters. McGonagall & Neville? WTF?

Yay!1! SHASH!!11!!one

 

Stronger by Blue Roselette reviews
This is the simple Harry x Hermione story, but instead of a story, it's a songfic! Songfics are fun when you know what to write. Heehee, r&r!
Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,395 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8-19-10 - Harry P. & Hermione G. - Complete

Sigh.

 

I still don't get songfics. Must be a generational thing. But the idea of a character walking into a room full of people and bursting into some lameass emo song or a Green Day number seems really fucking stupid.

 

i fucking lol'd.

 

Harry Potter and the Silent City by Mourningstar13 reviews
When Harry is 7 the Dursely's are murdered and he runs away to the Silent City, a place in london where kids, muggle or not, with extraordinary powers gather. 8 yrs later, Wolf/Harry is taken by the Order. But who are the Taken? And why can't he speak?
Rated: T - English - Mystery/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,353 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8-19-10 - Harry P. & OC

Rhetorical question time! Are there any good fics where Harry becomes a werewolf? There are so many elements of fail in the summary alone, combined with the low word count and the summary alone ranks this story 1/5 stars.

 

For fucks sake, isn't he emo enough in canon? :|

 

67. The Purple Butterfly by QueenOfSparrabeth
Kat is beautiful, smart, and talented, but can she find true love? Written by ThatCTYgirl, QueenOfSparrabeth, QuietInsomniac, Mr. Doctor Evil Mark, and Nigel.
Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 872 - Published: 8-20-10 - Harry P. & OC - Complete

Seriously? Five authors for not even 900 words?? And a Mary-Sue at that? FAIL.

 

Burn. it. with. fire.

 

The Goblet Of Fire Different Much Happier Ending » by MyTelephone reviews
To celebrate the Triwizard Tournaments end Dumbledore arranges a end of term concert by Lady Gaga with opening acts by Ke$ha , Britney Spears and the chipmunks Cedric doesn't die in the graveyard and after Voldemorts return he and Harry become friends. Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 9 - Words: 9,323 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 7-11-10 - Published: 7-7-10 - Cedric D. & Harry P. - Complete

Shit music + shit fic = Double migraine.

 

I think a small piece of me has just died.

And the only reason why Cedric lives in this one is because he sparkles...

 

Nuff said.

 

One Fucked Up Life by DanoR1392
Summary: It started off as a dare Seamus a sex addict ws dared by his lovr2date Colin 4 1mnth witout cheatin in order2date Nott Trouble insures when Dennis strts fallin for Seamus Dennis keeps ending up wt strnge cuts n fractures, Colin's Kinky, Seamus is a Mormon

 

What is I don't even...

 

... I think we have a winner.

It was cracktastic enough, but the last statement put me over the top. Made my eyeballs slide out of focus a little bit. Aneurysm?

 

It's funny how I was fairly uncaring about everything until it said "Seamus is a Mormon" and then I just broke out laughing for about 5 minutes.

 

I know this isn't HP, but it did say 'Fanfiction's worst'. Not 'Harry Potter's worst'.

Lulzwat?

 

For some reason this is the gayest summery I have ever read.