A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

 

And who hasn't? No empire in the world has lasted forever. It's just a matter of how fast they fall.

 

I'm wondering what a history debate is doing lying in the joke thread. Or is some meta-internet-joke thing I usually get confused on?

OT: Two gay guys move to a new town, one with a job the other without. Time passes and the one guy still hasn't found one and begins to feel guilty. One morning his partner is getting ready in the bathroom when the jobless one walked in bearing a ziplock bag. He starts beating-off into it.

"What are you doing?" his partner asks.

"Packing you a lunch."

 

D'oh!

You missed half the joke here.

The point is you're supposed to go to www.google.com and type in "french military victories," then hit the I'm Feeling Lucky search button.

'sigh'

 

ROFL! That was awesome!

 

An oldie, but such a goodie.

 

This is a joke thread. Stop ruining it with facts.

Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films.
"Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."

And, some evil stuff: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvGEiZ5DZh8

 

What do you call a lesbian eskimo?

Klondyke.

Why was the blonde's belly button bruised?

Her boyfriend was also blonde.

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a smart blonde, a dumb blonde, and the Tooth Fairy all run for president. Who wins?

The dumb blonde. The other four don't exist.

 

Did you hear that joke that they don't tell to retards?

Exactly.

 

Creatonists believe every word Genesis says. I don't even think Phil Collins is a good drummer.

 

Are you kidding me? Napoleon is the man, my hero. He rose up the ranks to brigadiar general, took the Army of Italy (France's army to fight the italians) who had bad shoes no clothes no money no food and basically wtfpwned the italians, totally reversing france's fortunes in a string of victories. and then there was the austrian pwnage, as well as conquering pretty much every land army in europe at least once in napoleon's career, frequently conquering enemy armies that were ganging up against him simultaneously... damn that corsican was the most brilliant thing to hit france since the invention of the croissant.

btw the russian war was not a loss, it was a stalemate. first of all, N's five hundred thousand men... most of them died.

guess what, only ten percent were french! Another win for napoleon. also the russians burned all their cities before napoleon could get to it and napoleon's best strategies rely on enemy resources. he pretty much ransacked italy's art, and in every dealing he made he asked for money.

If ever there was a gangster, his name be Napoleon Bonapart(e).

Also one more thing to add to the thread, please no rascist jokes because I checked my family tree recently and I found black people hanging off it. In fact I think they're still there.

Also I was great friends with a black person until my dad had to sell him.

 

... I'm trying to find words ... But they do not come. Why do they not come?!

 

I can manage some for you Vash.

4R4W: You're fucking retarded.

 

So Four fathers are at the bar talking about their sons when one of them goes to the bathroom.

Then Father 1 says " My son did very well this year, he is a vp in a fortune 50 company and for his friends birthday he bought him a car."

Father 2 says "well my son started his own business and is takeing it national, he did so well, for his friends birthday he bought him a Yacht."

Father 3 says My son is the Chairman of an International corportation and because of his sucess he bought his friend a plane for his birthday.

Then the 4th father comes out of the bathroom and says " My son is gay and recently dropped out of college to becomee a full time belly dancer, but for his Birthday he got a car, a yacht, and a plane. Pretty crazy right?"

 

3 lesbians were at a bar getting so drunk, they could fart pure ethanol. As the night wore on, the three of them got into an argument over who had the widest pussy.

"It's me, you cunts!", said the first, as she grabbed her beer bottle, drained it, and, "SCHLOOP!", rammed it into her bearded clam bottom first.

"That ain't shit!", said the second, "Watch this!" She then proceeded to grab her recently filled beer mug, drain it, and, "SCHLOOP!", rammed it into her fish market.

"Man, I got both you pussies beat. Watch this!", said the third. She grabbed two pitchers of beer off the bar, drained them, and, "SCHLOOP!", slid down her bar stool.

 

Thats not funny.

 

Of course you did, Sree.

 

Meh. Can't please everyone.

What do you call a slow fat man, running from a jaguar at noon, before the day is over?

Shit.

 

Did you know only nine out of ten people enjoy a gangbang?