I don't think that Harry's reaction was too unreasonable, considering he is probably jealous of Ron -who he considers inferior- due to his closeness to Nathan. This point should be more emphasized, though, if that is the approach Santi was going for.

 

Really? I thought it was kind of clear that Hermione was not at all comfortable with the idea that Harry was trying to use her to teach Nathan dark Magic. I was trying to be subtle with it tho.

Well spotted. Will be fixed.

Yeah, Harry didn't act all cool and collected. I was trying to show that just because he knows Occlumency, doesn't mean he can keep his temper all the time. That's why I had the part about Snape reminding him to use Occlumency in the next scene. Sort of a learning experience kind of thing.

 

Haha, I'm quite pathetic. I saw that The Santi had posted, and got all excited to read a new update.

I click on the link, and I don't see anything. I get desperate and I start backtracking a couple of pages on the thread just in case I missed something.

But now I'm just T-T


edit: nvm, I'm stupid.

 

I don't think you should. It's an expression he favours, it adds to his character. I'd be happy to see Harry dismiss someone stupid with a "not that it matters" in the future.

Decent update, not a lot to comment on. The way Harry is turning slightly frustrated, meaner and more self-aware of his superiority, but staying likeable and believable, is just brilliant.

Quick question - is this thread where comments for the wba go from now on, or are we just stopping that?

 

Well, don't bring out the tissues yet, for there is indeed an update. Enjoy.

 

Overuse of a line gets tiresome. Dave Chappelle hates, "I'm Rick James, bitch!" for a reason. It's good, but there has to be variety in conversations for flow to stay strong.

Sree's line in the WBA clearly states that no one should, aside from The Santi, should post in that thread anymore. Though inevitably someone will do just that. But at least when they do, we won't be faked out with hopes of updates. Since that's happened to other stories in WBA before, status quo says we should post observations and help here.

 

This might be a place for Harry's untamed skills in mind magic to make an early appearance, something to be explained later by Snape. If in the middle of the conflict, Harry suddenly realizes that his brother trusts Ron more than him, I could see it setting him off. Occlumency would be a double edged sword in this case, escalating the conflict rather than allowing him to weather it.

 

Yeah, any comment you have about the story etc, please place it here, not the WbA thread.

Pers, I did seriously think about doing just that at one point, but I decided against it. I didn't want Harry having any Legilimency episodes before he goes back to Durmstrang

 

Great update. Loved the scene where Harry tries to give Nathan the list, spouts Voldemort's line in front of Nathan, and ends up cursing Ron. I also liked how you drew the connection between Occlumency and Legilimency. I would indeed like to see Harry develop some skill in Legilimency as most of the powerful wizards in canon are extremely competent with it (DD, Voldemort, Snape), and with all the parallels you are drawing between Harry and other powerful wizards it would be a shame if he didn't learn Legilimency.

 

I really like the way Occlumency/Legilimency have been handled so far. It is so refreshing to see a story where they are kept simple and to the point, rather than twelve million locked trunks inside an obsidian fortress.

As to Harry getting angry, I think it is quite realistic. He is a teenager, hitting puberty, with hormones raging. It is not like occlumency can stop hormones pumping is it? I suspect that is why Snape, Dumbledore and Voldermort, are rather skilled at it, as their bodies have calmed down per sae.

Here's to hoping that Harry gets uncontrollable surges and rapes Kira('s mind). :awesome

 

Harry's going to pick up on Nathan and Dumbledore's talk about Quirrel. Excellent chapter, Santi.

 

Comment

I really liked the chapter. The starting edge between Harry and his family is very well done.

Most of the comments I had have already been made, so I will not repeat them. However, I find Hermione's lack of curiosity about the list of spell strange.

Two reasons:
1- She's the scholar in the group, I assume that she will want to learn them too;
2- If someone ask him to support him, I would like to know what I'm supporting.

Of course, had Hermione known about the spell, she may have tried to pacify the conflict.

Am I imagining something or did you switch from a third person point of view to an omniscient point of view for the scene between Nathan, Ron, Hermione and Harry?

At the risk of repeating myself, good work as always Santi.

EDIT :
If they wanted to punish Harry, why did they not take his wand? The punishment would have been more effective if they had.

 

It will be interesting to see if the family conflict will die down or get bigger as the year progresses. If Harry bolts without telling his parents especially if Snapes the last one who saw him it could cause a fun misunderstanding. Im sure he'd leave a letter but if he doesn't I can just picture James going to Hogwarts accusing Snape of abducting him.

Would he even come home for Christmas if his parents are just going to punish him and Nathan still isn't talking to him?

 

I don't think it's out of character. Reading Ron's annoying ass interjections into the conversation made me want to curse him and I don't have some psycho hunting down my lazy brother.

It's like telling someone they need brain surgery and having their mongoloid buddy in the room yelling "Skeeter says Jesus is against brain surgery!" the entire time.

 

Beyond the fact that Harry's reaction to Ron's comments - and even Ron's presence, really - was chock full of self-superiority, this was a good update.

Harry's paraphrasing Voldemort was a stroke of genius, Santi. It was made of awesome.

I like that Harry was trying to use and manipulate Hermione into helping his brother, but I wish he'd been a little less blatant than trying to take her directly to Nathan to talk him into it. Maybe just pass Hermione his spell creation journal and pique Nathan's curiousity when he notices or is told that the book is his brother's. You know, something subtle and more effective.

I like that you're showing the first real problem between Harry and his family, but I'm not sure I like the way you made it happen. *shrugs* Maybe its just a matter of different tastes.

Anyway, excellent as always, Santi.

 

Harry does not want Nathan to study more in general, he wants him to be able to defend himself better. Your suggestion has no chance in hell of accomplishing what Harry wants.

Besides Harry has no interest in manipulating Hermione, subtly or not. Pointless subterfuge is pointless.

 

It's possible that Harry really is quoting Voldemort there, having heard Quirrelmort say something similar back when he was in Hogwarts during one on one training, and having plugged that into his own worldview.

 

Erm, yea, that was pretty much the point. Also, everything that he has learned at Durmstrang has only reinforced that point.

 

I foresee as Harry uses Occlumency he becomes colder and more detached. The question is will this reinforce people's animosity towards him, or decrease it?