Well Sacro, if I wanted to be generous, I'd at least call you... creative.

Then I'd ask what the fuck you are smoking. Seriously. Basically, we've got Harry hearing a song that got released this year (And the story's still set in 2006), Harry having his own Tyler Durden, constant necrophilia because Harry lost his wife, random cannibalism... for the lulz? If you want to have fun with reader's expectations, I say good for you. Nobody would see it coming.

See, even there were a few decent ideas in there - the Lost Generation and the prejudice against Muggles being at a high, for example, but then you said this:

Right. Of course. The program will now take you back to your regularly scheduled time travelling, necromancy and necrophilia...

(Though, if you are just posting that for the lulz or you're trolling, I'll disown the rest of this post as me being too serious and stuff.)

 

If I did write the necrophilia and the cannibalism, it would be to read the lulzy reviews.

 

Come on. You're a sixteen year old female from Austrailia. Nobody believes that you wrote that long ass Plot Bunny for the lulz. You were being serious.

 

I vaguely like it - the mystery aspects of the traditional murder case, and the changes within the character. I like a good mind screw, and the murder, necrophilia and cannibalism can sort of add to that... I don't really mind reading them in a story, if pulled off well like in Dancing With Demons.

Problems with the idea: the music. I like Disturbed, true, but having music, or song lyrics, in any literature earns an automatic fail from me. You can easily replace that with something else, though, like that smiley face symbol or something if you were so inclined.

The ending, too, was very predictable. I saw it coming from the moment you described the premise... to pull off that ending and not have everyone tell you they told you so you need to put in a huge effort to distract the reader from that conclusion, and you'll need a lot more to happen within the story during the build-up to the end to keep the reader entertained.

The revelations of many parts of Harry's life being a lie were good - I'll give you that. If you can write those revelations well the story has a real potential. It could be brilliant if you fix up a few of the details and the predictability issue.

Also: WTF was up with him coming into 'magical fae inheritance'? That was fucking annoying, and unnecessary.

 

Yes I am being serious. I never said I wasn't. I wasn't referring to the story as whole in my previous post, just the necrophilia and cannibalism.

It isn't integral to the plot but it adds a bit of mind fuck and horror to the story. I've gone back and edited it to make it a bit more obvious.

I could extend it if I want to and have Harry go full on serial killer in Azkaban with only Malyus for company and then he busts out and finds the wizarding world at war with the muggle world and plays the two sides against each other. But then it's getting a bit to big. I'd like to keep it fairly concise.

 

Agreed mostly with Palindrome: the murder/mystery elements appeal to me somewhat, but the actual story premise...eh, not so much.

 

Remove the poetry

Remove the song

Remove the faerie

Aside from those particularly glaring points, it could be interesting, if you manage to write enough tension into it; I'd advise you keep it fairly short, either a long one-shot, or a novella-style 'fic.

If you wanted the faerie change in there so that past!Harry didn't recognize him when he travelled back in time, just replace that with some paranoid speculation about polyjuice.

 

Hmm...Predator!Harry could be fun. Maybe for a semi-serious crack!fic.

If anyone's ever read the Predator novels, there have been cases where humans have been adopted into a Predator clan. (Namely, one Japanese chick was brought in as a hunter, Machiko or something or other).

Harry trying to remove Severus Snape's head for a trophy when he tries to belittle him. XD

"Now, Harry, it's wrong for you to try and cut off your professor's head for use as a trophy."

"No, Harry, you can't use Mr. Malfoy's spine as a toothbrush."

"Good Lord, Harry! Where did you get that basilisk skull-...oh, nevermind."

Edit: Death Eater massacre, Predator style! I don't think AK's are going to help when you're strung up upside down with your skin removed...

 

Actually the fae thing was just what the St Mungo's doctors thought was happening but it's just the huge amounts of magic that Harry harvested from the deaths of his victims. THe fae thing was just a way to trick the reader into thinking the mystery was solved.

 

That may be so, but the very idea that Harry is a fae would turn some readers off completely. Fae aren't even canon, and especially not the whole magical inheritance business, so it has little basis to stand on in the first place which would definitely irritate people to read. Even if it's not true in the end, why would the doctors believe that in the first place? Just seems silly.

It might be better if you made his changes a little more subtle and left it as a mystery until the end.

 

Profile of the Sociopath

This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.
:awesome

 

Er. What are you replying to?

 

I'm suggesting a plot bunny based on actual sociopath behaviour, real life intervened, and I forgot to edit the post to include my thoughts to go with the link.
My bad.

I forget what I was going to say exactly... but basically, the canon series paints Voldemort as a classic sociopath, and the prophecy, well that marks Harry as his Equal.

 

We have something similar to that already; Darkly Dreaming Harry. Don't be fooled by the name, he's more of an American Psycho psychopath than a Dexter one, and very similar to a young Tom Riddle so far. Still, I like the genre and I'd read a story based on the premise if it was written, though I can't see many writers being willing to actually get into the head of such a person in order to be able to write it realistically.

 

HP & Dresden Crossover, in which HP is working for/indebted to Marcone.

We've seen Potter put in lots of situations in HP/DF crossovers; working for the White Court of Vampires, linked to the Summer Court of Faeries through marriage to Aurora, on the run from the White Council of Wizards and semi-possessed by a child!Denarian, and Joe is working the Winter Knight angle - but I've never seen a crossover featuring Potter in with Marcone.

It could start at any point in the Dresden timeline, but post-Fool Moon and Dresden's multiple refusals of Marcone's offering him a job would be a pretty natural beginning. And it would give the author the freedom to take the Dresdenverse wherever he'd like, since a lot of the baggage (and admittedly, the awesome) would be irrelevant.

Anyway, if anyone likes the idea and wants to use it, I'd love to see it.

 

My own plot bunny popped into existence some couple months ago, and I've been working on it ever since.
It's a Naruto/HP crossover, but the only thing from the Narutoverse is Naruto himself.
The plot is that Naruto&Kyuubi fuck up when attempting a ritual that would transport them to an alternate dimension for a very little while in order to achieve more refined mastery over their abilities, and end up being trapped in the Wizarding World for god knows how many years.

Now, my idea is that Naruto kinda despairs at first but after some months and years, he has developed a cold and cynical personality, coming from being deprived from any friend he ever knew and a weird split personality case. The old Naruto is still there, but buried deep down.
Now Naruto decides to go to Hogwarts for various reasons and does so under disguise two years before Harry does.
The story progresses following Naruto, or "Kevin" as he has dubbed himself, as he flies through his classes, interacts in a school environment totally new to him, makes friends and watches the Potter boy progress from a scared and impressionable child to the legend of the wizarding world. Interaction between Harry and Naruto/Kevin will be scarce, especially during Hogwarts years. The events of the books will be mostly the same with a few exceptions, the most notable being Harry's pairing and Naruto's participation in the TWT instead of Cedric. In the same line of thought, he won't die and won't go to the graveyard, but most other major events will be the same. Contrary to many crossover, Harry will be the hero of the Wizarding World, Naruto is not inclined to play hero here, since he fears that if he interferes too much, he'll change the fate of this dimension.
Naruto's pairing is undecided and he will have his fair share of relationships before settling, probably with Fleur, though I'm not sure.

Thoughts, suggestions, advice and criticism?




P.S:This IS the right thread to post this, right?

 

Where is the conflict?

 

Thats the thing. I dont want to make it anything more than a student going to Hogwarts and being a teenager. No giant monsters to fight, no homicidal enemies to fight. And I am pretty sure that the problems of a teenager will appear as important as Harry's fight in that perspective. Plus, I plan on making him a duelist, and a damn good one at that. There may be no major conflict, but there will be problems to be solved and things to do.

And if all else fails, I do have some ideas for major conflict. Some of them include a Veil, a pissed off Kyuubi and some insolent Uchiha.

 

• Crossover that rarely works: Check
• Radically altering the main characters personality: Check
• Chatty Kyuubi: Check
• Changing the main characters name: Check
• Main character paired: Check
• Probably some kind of self insert (even subconsciously): Check
  

Kill this with fire? Fucking Check.

Yea, this looks, sounds, smells and feels like a horrible idea. I don't mean to put you down, but I cannot fathom how this story could ever be good. Not only do HP and Naruto not crossover well (if at all), theres pretty shoddy ideas like Naruto Kevin Republic21 being the Tri-Wizard champion and ending up with Fleur.

You've got a device such as 'Kyuubi+Ritual gone wrong' as your crossover enabler which is not only boring and cliche, but something I think is rather out of character for Naruto. And then you say that Naruto is 'cold and cynical', and even furthermore has severe mental problems ("split personality").

And then he goes and enrolls himself as an 11 year old wizard arbitrarily and does what exactly? watches Harry from afar? What does that even mean? This character is 'cold and cynical', he doesn't really care about Harry in the slightest.

This is not a good idea in any shape or form.

 

This Naruto is totally out of character, with no reasonable explanation. Naruto, imo, would adapt to the situation and he wouldn't break down. Also, why the fuck wouldn't he change things? He doesn't know this place, or how it "should be". This is simply laziness.

Anyway, a Naruto story with no action (serious conflict) will almost always fail miserably. Good luck with that.

Edit:

Pretty much this.