Hey, so I've never written fanfiction before, but I have had the occasional plot-bunny. Unfortunately, my mind has been taken over, entirely, by this one idea regarding Harry Potter and an AU parody, but I'm unsure on how to go about it.

Here's my idea:

Harry Potter was found on the Dursleys' doorstep on November 1st, just like Dumbledore planned. They took him in and tried to raise him, but became canon Dursley-ish towards him. At Age 9, Harry had had enough, he took whatever he could find and ran away. Throwing caution to the winds, he decided that anything is better than living with the Dursleys in the cupboard under the stairs.

Naturally, when the time comes for Harry's Hogwarts letter, he cannot be found, he has disappeared after all and Dumbledore is paying dearly for his negligence and the senility of Mrs. Figg. Thus, they need to go back and train Neville in the interim because Harry is lost and is planning to stay that way.

Neville turns out to be an epic fail as a BWL replacement and Voldemort manages to steal the Philosopher's Stone and come back much earlier than in canon. Thus, the wizarding world went to war three years earlier. Sirius miraculously survived the Azkaban purge and is living incognito under the Order's protection.

That's the background that is revealed when Harry is reintroduced into the Wizarding World at age 15. He's come back after living a somewhat cushy but still dangerous life on the streets of Manchester. Whatever his life was, he loved it as it was, but Dumbledore has forcefully brought him to Hogwarts, against his will. He makes it very, very clear that he is utterly uninterested in Hogwarts whatsoever. To describe him: he smokes (anything) like a chimney, being sober is a rare experience for him, he sleeps around more than Tiger Woods, is a Rock Star and has a mouth on him that makes Denarian!Harry seem like a prude. The only reason he ultimately relented is his vault, which Dumbledore is withholding from his control, lest he take the money and disappear. He is a complete and utter bastard, no two ways about it. He is also NOT overtly magical, his powers are normal, his control over them is normal and he believes in the awesomeness of muggles over wizards.

In his fifth year, the Triwizard Tournament is being held and he is unwittingly dragged into it like in GoF. I have sketched plans and outlines for each of the tasks and how he handles them in his own unique way, minimal magic but maximum damage. I have the end in the graveyard figured out and though most people might crucify me for it, I personally love it because it is very anticlimactic.

That's the premise anyway, here are my problems:

1) Why run away from the Dursleys? I don't want to go down the same, old abused so badly that he can't handle it route. I was thinking that this Harry was inherently twisted in the head and though he suffered little abuse, he left because the Dursleys were just not worth the effort of sticking around. But I'm scared I'll make him come off as too much of a genius!Adult!Harry which is even worse in my opinion. Suggestions?

2) What did he do living on the streets for so long? How did he manage to make himself and his attitude the way it is? Does it stem from Dursley time or did he do a 180 and turned into someone else?

3) Why is the Triwizard Tournament being held anyway? If Wizarding Britain is at war, shouldn't they be concentrating on that instead? Why would two of the most well-reputed schools of Europe bother coming to a war-torn country and endanger their students?

4) Where to draw the line between manipulative!Dumbledore and slightly misguided!Dumbledore?

5) Should I bother with hardcore smut for when he sleeps around? Or should it be limited to somewhat explicit details but most of it is implicit to just get the message across that Harry tapped that.

6) Since it is stated to be an AU Parody from the outset (and almost a CrackFic) would it be too wrong if I kind of played with the inherent rules of magic and their effects on muggle technology?

7) Harry needs to have one friend/ supporter through it all. Judging by the kind of Harry he is, Hermione and Ron are not options, in fact none of the students are viable options. I figure the obvious choice is Sirius (who else would support such madness?), but could it possibly be someone unexpected or under-explored? Strangely enough, I was thinking of Flitwick, is that too far-fetched?

8) An ultimate ship. I know most people aren't ship-crazy here, but I want this Harry to find someone in the end that is more than just a one-night-stand. I'm not talking about undying declarations of love here and marriage at age 15, I mean a relationship that you read about and think 'huh, that's crazy enough to work'. Initially I thought Luna, but she is too batty and this Harry is too impatient for that too work out. Daphne, Tracey and Fem!Blaise are not under consideration either, more of a personal thing than anything else. It has to be a complete mismatch where opposites attract to a new level. Unfortunately, the best fit feels like Hermione, which I wouldn't particularly mind, especially since I can write juicy scenes of how he 'steals' her from Ron, but its just such an overdone pairing that I want to avoid it. I don't think I need to mention that Ginny is a no-no here of all places. Maybe a Ravenclaw? Someone intelligent and who screams "I-am-a-Prude".

9) As it stands, he is a shoe-in for Slytherin at his sorting, but if someone can give me a more creative reason for Ravenclaw or even Hufflepuff I'm all ears. No Gryffindor, even though he can be a vainglorious bastard. Personally, I wanted to put him in Hufflepuff, just to see him get under all those 'Puffs' skins with his rougish behaviour, but it wouldn't make sense because he's neither hard-working nor extremely loyal, although that can be tweaked. Ideas (any and all) fully welcome!

Help would be appreciated, even if to critique the plot and premise.

Remmy.

 

Hasn't this been done a half dozen times already?


1) Make him a sociopath - he is too narcissistic and self-possessed to be content locked in a cupboard

2) Sociopaths have a tendancy towards being good con-artists.

3) Publicity Stunt

4) How bout neither? Dumbledore would be neither in a war-time situation.
But that leans towards misguided.

5) If that's what floats your boat. Just make sure that super!harry isn't a typical three minute man like in nearly all adult fics i've actually read... seriously..
Oh harry ur a sex god... that was 30 seconds of pure magic.


6) I dunno

7) If he's a successful con artist sociopath, you'll find him being more compatible character wise, with the more popular and well to do people. Since it's smut, that would lean towards one of the Slytherin girls, or perhaps Marietta Edgecomb or Susan Bones.

8) Luna. Two sociopaths...FTW

9) meh

Help would be appreciated, even if to critique the plot and premise.

Remmy.[/QUOTE]

 

Yeah, this train of thought has already been done to death, methinks.

 

Simple. Voldemort and Dumbledore, both have been searching for Harry, Dumbledore finds him first. Harry's trapped into the Tournament because Voldemort wants to take revenge for what Harry did during the Halloween of 1981 and of course, there's the whole prophecy to get out of the way.

Could you provide a link of this, possibly? I want to read it and see if its similar to what I have in mind because if it is, I guess I'll let go of that thought process altogether.

I remember reading a premise of Beauxbatons when I was slaving through Partially Kissed Hero. That fic was...conflicting, but he had an entire chapter that really went in-depth in describing Beauxbatons and creating a background to build that school on. But the questions comes up: if the Tournament is in Beauxbatons, why would Harry go there?

I can't believe I didn't think of that one sooner, thanks!

As tempting as that sounds, I don't think I'd be able to pull that off believably and I rather write something good instead of something I struggle to make good.

 

There's a place for this kind of stuff, use it. Anyway, why wouldn't the Hogwarts letters reach him? They post-owls managed to locate him on a distant island, afterall.

Anyway, there's not a single original idea in here, so I'd advice you to scrap this idea and try something else.

 

If you want to go the Beauxbatons route, I'd suggest introducing Fleur to Harry in a hopefully realistic way, and then having him being fixated with her in school - thus reducing the number of inevitable OC induced problems.

 

My suggestions will be on the basis of this. A semiserious parody, if you will.

So here is obviously the "jumping-off point", where the story diverges from canon. Always good to note this. With regards to what drives Harry away, in my opinion it doesn't have to be beyond the Dursleys' canonical neglect of Harry. When I was an ignorant little bastard at that age, I'd get pissed and plot to run away from my parents' house at the drop of a hat (though I never actually did it). Why not just have Harry do it? Decent writing and it'll work just fine, in my opinion.

Ho-hum, in my opinion. Why, if Voldemort died when he attacked HARRY, would NEVILLE be proclaimed the Boy-Who-Lived? Why would he be treated any different, except perhaps by Dumbledore (the only one who knows the prophecy)? Why have Neville be affected/involved at all? And how does Voldemort figure out the Mirror of Erised? IIrc, Voldemort couldn't get the stone unless he didn't want to use it - obviously, he very much did; ergo, he doesn't get the stone.

This doesn't mean Voldemort can't...stay in Quirrell's body, perhaps, and still be active/growing in power or something. Maybe even the charade is up and he just flat out totally possesses Quirrell and doesn't give the douche any say whatsoever.

Can we not have any of the bolded parts in this story, please?

How about this as an alternative: ConMan!Harry. Think Neal Caffrey from White Collar or something. Life on the street didn't make Harry the above nonsense - instead, it taught him how to get what he needs for free from everyone. Maybe he started small, using his obviously being a poor orphan to get food from a couple different places, maybe even being taken in and being "so thankful" to several different couples. Even have him legitimately being a nice guy, perhaps, who just uses some natural charisma to get what he needs, with little regard for the people he cons (though he doesn't have to totally about face when he's not speaking to them). Harry's probably gotten a few questionable skills in his time, but again, think elegance here, rather than thuggery. This would be a new spin on Criminal!Harry that I think would be refreshing and fun.

Most importantly, a conman has to use his fucking head a LOT. From how I understand it, the best ones are, if not geniuses, then just REALLY fucking clever. They think their way around and out of situations - which should be interesting if Harry is ever actually confronted with Voldemort. Also kind of necessary if you're thinking of taking away 4 years of magical education and throwing Harry into a TriWizard Tournament as basically a muggle.

Which brings me to my next point - reconsider that. Sesc recommended Beauxbatons - not a bad idea. At the VERY least, maybe have Harry discover Diagon Alley and the Leaky Cauldron or something, have him know about being a wizard and, I don't know, work in a secondhand robe shop. How to get around the being famous thing? I think metamorphmagi are overused - but maybe Harry has a VERY slight gift for it? Changing his hair and color of his eyes or something else minor; don't have him be this betterthanTonks!Supermetamorph - that is overpowered (and thus boring). Maybe have his secret found out once or twice, and he has to bribe them/memory charm them/tell them he's on a secret mission against Voldemort. Heh, that actually might be a good source of conflict.

What I'm trying to say is, don't have him pit muggle technology against the Triwizard tournament, if you're dead set on doing a tournament rehash. Give him some limited magical tool(s) to use, and have him use them (it) in a creative way. Maybe his education isn't the same as Hogwarts, but he knows his way around a magical farm, or was found to be quite a polyglot and was picked up by Barty Crouch for international cooperation or the Goblin Liason office, maybe - all kinds of things you could think of.

With the premise of the above Voldemort I mentioned, I wouldn't see the graveyard as a problem. That said, please raptor!Jesus no muggle technology or other such dumbassery. Or "maximum damage". But maybe getting a mermaid pregnant accidentally after his negotiations :awesome

I've already covered this. Kids don't need a good reason to do stupid shit like run away. They just need the balls to do it, perhaps get over their head - but then Harry realizes he can con people out of shit he needs, so it all works out.

Same. He learned a few skills and tricks so that he could successfully con people. Then he found Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade or Godric's Hollow or some other new wizard/mixed wizard-muggle town and discovered those odds happenstances were magic - plot ensued and he learned a bit of magic.

To be honest I'm not sure I like the Triwizard Tournament idea since, guess what, we all know what happened/how it ends. You could say that they scrapped the idea in favor of some kind of international exchange program, though, if you just want Fleur and Krum there.

How about canonically - ItSucksButI'llLetHarryDieToSaveTheWorldFromVoldemort!Dumbledore. Dumbledore isn't manipulative or even misguided; he does what is right, even when it isn't the same as what is easy.

No. If he's banging someone, there should be a reason for it. Sleeping around just to get his rocks off makes you sound like a virgin fanboy writing your own fap material - get over it.

Not sure what you mean here, but probably no. Also, the way you described your ideas doesn't sound like crackfic, THIS sounds like crackfic. If you can't come up with something at least as funny, don't go for crack, go for AU Parody a la nonjon's A Black Comedy. Take it seriously, throw in humor, at most be lax with how much you let Harry get away with.

I don't understand your use of the word "need", specifically. But if you want someone to fulfill this role of "partner in crime who's in on the fact that he's kind of a scoundrel" (which I think works best for a conman, since everyone would be his "friend"), I would recommend against a teacher. Maybe Sirius, but that's a big maybe depending on how you write him.

Once again, your use of "ultimate" makes me leery of this being any good. That said, anyone who isn't Hermione can be characterized just about any way you like. Pansy Parkinson, Hannah Abbott, Susan Bones, Cho Chang, Su Li, Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet, Angelina Johnson, etc, etc...

I could see him convincing the sorting hat either that he does love to learn (as I said, conmen have to have a brain) or that he's all about people helping people/community, etc. Not sure about justifying hard work, but...decent writing can justify even Hufflepuff!Harry. I see no reason why not, if that's what you see/want. Although from your original idea, it sounds fucking retarded to do.

tl;dr - your idea = done and terrible. A good ConMan!Harry - now that has potential.

 

Sounds eerily similar to the summary of:

Harry Potter and the forced Hero » by Kaeim reviews
Harry Potter was abandoned at a early age, but was found and given to a local street gang, how will Dumbledore and co. react to a fully independant Potter, uncooperative Potter, a drug taking, hard rock playing, Muggle Minded Potter? Read and find out!

I have not read it, and probably will never, so I can't say anything with certainty, but as long as it is a parody you should be alright.

 

So, he will be even worse wizard than in canon... Not a premise for an exciting fic.

Not only is your Harry talentless, he's also thoroughly unpleasant. Remind me again why should I want to read this?

And deluded, too.


To put it bluntly, your problem is not the nine points you mentioned; it's just that your premise sucks. Make your Harry a more pleasant personality and cut those indy!Harry cliches, and you just might have a readable fic.

 

Lol, this is essentially what I told him to change when I outlined how he should go in a totally different direction.

 

Agree with the people above who've pointed out that your Harry isn't a very good protagonist.

Your Harry seems like a total douchebag - you've taken away the appeal of his character, which is his steadfast moral integrity: at his core, he still needs to be caring and good. That's what makes Harry, well, Harry.

 

But what's the point if Harry's just pure evil and unlikeable? Why would the reader invest any time in the story?

Perhaps I'm just being particular, but when I'm reading a Harry-centric story, I want to be on his side, to root for him because he's human. If I'm repulsed by his character and can't empathize with him, then it's meaningless.

(also, morality is not completely relative; but that's a whole other can of worms...)

 

I like douchebag characters - but the problem with this one is that it essentially has nothing behind it: no depth. He sounds very poorly considered, and unless OP can pull that character off extremely well, it isn't going to work.

Also:

All this just seems to be in very bad taste. You're using these traits for the sake of simply having them, OP. There's no reason or depth behind it. And:

Kill it with fucking fire.

 

Only if said character has depth, as Palindrome pointed out. When there's nothing underneath it, then that sort of story gets old real quick.

(Quote Kant to a German? I wouldn't dare think of it.)

 

Lord Anarchy beat me too it.

That sounds exactly like Harry Potter and the Forced Hero: Rewrite

Ex-fucking-zactly like it.

 

I actually don't mind that one.
It's a good anger-fic

Fuck you, I wanna see Hannibal Lecter!Harry.