Was it that I didn't get this joke or was that nmb trolling us with a bad joke?

 

Pah - I know what you Christians are like. Not many people my age laugh at those kinds of jokes anymore. And, for the record, I did outpost you

One I was told at a meeting the other day;

Tom and Clark are having a few beers on their lunchbreak on the roof of their building. They're screwing around, a bit merry, showing each other things the other can't do - beercan balancing, melodic farting, and so on.

After a few hysterical minutes, Clark says, "Tom! Tom - I've got something that will make you go insane - check this out..."

He leads them to the edge of the forty floor building so that they're peering onto the street below.

"If you jump off this ledge right... here... there's an updraft against the building that will pull you into the window on the twentieth floor."

"That's horsehit," says Tom, but no sooner has he said it, Clark has jumped off the roof and is plummetting to the bottom - however, at about half-way down, he suddenly slows, before being guided gently into the twentieth floor window by the updraft.

Clark gets into the lift where an attendant takes him back to the top. "Wait here," Clark tells the attendant.

No sooner is Clark back, unharmed if not a little drunk, than Tom downs the rest of his beer, goes to the ledge were Clark was and jumps off... only to plummet into the street forty floors below, dying instantly.

Clark makes his way back to the waiting lift and attendant. The attendant hands him fifty dollars.

"You know what, Kent? You're a son of a bitch when you're drunk."

 

No, that IS the joke. A long, boring story with no punchline. The joke is, you get suckered into reading/listening and ... nothing.

Also, Im the only one I know of who has ever laughed at it.

 

You swear that's a real story?

 

I was half-way through it when I realized I'd started caring about the guy with a shitty life and 160 million dollars.


What? I'm sensitive.

 

I was halfway through making a post about you being a woman when I realized that you're not.



:awesome

 

Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your boots off to jump on the trampoline.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

How do you stop a baby from drowning?

Take your foot off it's head.

What's the difference between a jigsaw puzzle and a baby?

I don't have a hundred puzzle pieces on my bedroom floor.

What's funner then slinging a baby around a tether-ball pole as fast as you can?

Stopping it with a shovel.

What do you call a baby floating in the middle of the ocean with no one around?

Fucked.

What do you call a baby someone left on your doorstep?

Your new girlfriend.

What's blue and thrashes on the floor?

A baby playing with a walmart bag.

What's white, red, and hangs from a telephone line?

A baby launched with a snow blower.

How did Harry Potter give birth?

Draco shoved a baby up his ass.

Who's a sicker person then me?

The fangirl that got off writing/reading about Draco poking it in the eye.

 

How are girls and squaring numbers alike?

Spoiler

If they're thirteen and under you do them in your head.

 

At the beginning of time, God looked upon the earth and said, "It needs people." But he had little idea how to do it. Just then, he felt something move in his stomach. Quickly squatting he took a dump upon the world, the majority landing upon Africa.

"Holy shit!" he cried, delighted in surprise. Then he watched them for a time and grew angry with the Africans; they were not what he expected.

He tried another continent, and chose a better fluid. Slitting his wrist, he bled upon the plains of america, and up rose the Native Americans. But again he grew disappointed, for they could not create their own civilization.

Once more he tried, returning to the drawing board. Over Asia he stood, dropping his pants and brandishing his penis. "Holy piss!" he cried, letting it rain urine. Up sprang the Orientals, and he was almost pleased, but something was still not right. He looked upon them and upon hisself and noticed they did not look the same.

It was then he realized that he only wanted a people to be just like himself. Feeling dejected he fled to Europe and wept, tears of both frustration and sadness. Then much to surprise and joy, the people rising up looked just like him.

He rejoiced and said unto the Europeans, "The Earth and all her people upon it shall be yours to rule."

With that he returned to Heaven, satisfied in the knowledge he left the world in good, capable hands.

 

Ohhhhhhhhhh, man. That is bad. That is really really bad. In a sick way. Still funny though.

 

You guys need some wonderful music

So, when is the best time to bury that baby you killed?...
~When it starts talking to you again.
So, what's pink and chunky and tastes like chicken?
~A baby with leprosy.
Source

 

You fail at being offensive or funny.

This is how you do it.

Why do all black people have nightmares?

Spoiler

Because the last one who had a dream got shot.

 

Agreed. Dead baby jokes were never funny. When the jokes are primarily told by high school students who are trying to seem edgy, you should probably take a step back and consider the bullshit you're about to spew.

On the other hand, racist jokes have a small chance of actually generating lulz, so they're allowed.

 

I lost the trivia contest at the church social last week by one point.

The last question was,

"Where do most women have curly hair?"

Apparently, the correct answer is Africa .

I’ve been asked to find another place to worship.

 

I was watching intently as the 'other' woman slowly inserted her fingers into my wife's pussy
Understandably, I decided to have a wank.........

Fucking midwives eh? - No sense of humour at all!






My wife was gang raped by a troupe of mime artists.

They performed unspeakable acts on her.






What's pink and hard?


The financial times crossword





A man goes to the docs and says "doctor, i've got a cricket ball stuck up my arse"

The doc says "how's that!"





A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy b*stard and Marge is a skinny bird withbig blue hair."

 

I don't get it. I don't get it. Simpsons reference? Yeah, I don't get it.

Hehehe.

 

The Financial Times newspaper is pink. The crossword is difficult. Its a play on the usual joke where the answer is 'my penis'

When someone is out when playing cricket, players scream 'hows that' to the umpire to double check that the player is actually out.

He has hearing problems, the doctor said symptoms, he thought the doc said Simpsons.

/facepalms and walks out of thread

 

I can't hold it in any longer. I have to say this: What the fuck is wrong with you people and where have you been all my life?

 

They were in the master bedroom of your house. Busy.