While this definitely shouldn't be considered to a masterpiece, it is a highly entertaining and surprisingly well done mystery story. Most of what I want to say has been said already in regards to writing style, dialogue, plot, etc. so I'll just go ahead and give it a 4.5/5. It isn't perfect, but it's still a great piece of fanfic that belongs in the library.

 

The chapter 11 was posted and the story is now complete.

I'm a little dissatisfied wit the ending and particularly about how Dumbledore explained everything, there are no moments in this story where you finally get all your gears into place and understand the mystery... either the build-up wasn't good enough, or the climax wasn't really a climax... I guess it could have been done better.

3.5/5.

 

Did it say why Harry remembered Sally?

 

Very interesting. +1 to knothead for the dead on prediction. However, I found the resolution to be disappointing.

I feel the plot was misplaced for the protagonists as well. Neither Harry or Hermione sound like eleven-year old children.

And etc. Doesn't sound like canon Harry at all.

I also get the feeling the author is trying a little too hard with his/her language and mechanics i.e.

Hermione is young. I doubt there is anything strange about this. Sentences like this and

subtracted from the story as a whole. Doesn't sound like Harry and the author is trying too hard to impart emotion and description, at least so I think. Some of these adjectives are poorly placed.

3.5/5.

 

Thank you. I'd been thinking for a while that The Mirror of Erised was involved in some way. Harry's epiphany upon seeing his reflection in the window confirmed that for me.

As far as your comments concerning the misplaced plot, one thing to bear in mind is that they aren't 11-years-old. Harry is 13 and Hermione is 14 when the story takes place.

First seven paragraphs of Chapter 1:

As far as the story is concerned, it's not perfect. It is awkward in places; however, the idea is fantastic and the execution is done well enough for it to be library worthy.

I know there's disappointment that it doesn't have the feel of a standard detective story. That's because it isn't. Instead, it's a story about memories, and how memories continue to be with us and sometimes make us feel like they are alive-- or at least should be.

4 stars.

 

Ach I didn't mean 11 years old. I had been looking at Methods of Rationality at the time I did the review, and my brain failed to make the switch. Still, I'd argue that Harry doesn't sound like canon at all.

 

Wasn't this story set during Harry's third year?

 

I believe so. Rayndeon's point is still valid, though.

 

QFT. It's an excellent idea for a plot, and there's a lot of interesting stuff in it - the ideas behind the ghosts, for instance - but the writing style lets it down for me. That, added to a somewhat anti-climatic ending (which doesn't even mention one of the key mysteries, why Harry could remember her), and I can't quite bring myself to bump my score up to 4. 3.5/5