Title: [The Lies That Bind]
Author: [Zephros]
Rating: [M]
Genre: [General(It says Romance/Horror but thats iffy)]
DLP Category: [Dark Arts]
Pairing: [Harry/Daphne]
Status: [WIP]
Summary: [Starts off like any boring Harry Daphne story but it actually does something unusual. Not the greatest story, but its long enough to warrant being reviewed I think. I'd give it a 3/5 maybe more depending on how it continues.]
Link: [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6245561/1/The_Lies_that_Bind]

 

Writing is good, no noticeable mistakes made.
H/DG relationship isn't cliche either, which is a plus.

Only reason this a 4/5 and not 5/5 is that the other does indulge in other cliches like Harry learning/being able to use spells after being tortured for months on end.. and a few others.

 

This was rec'd in the Almost Recomendable thread, and it definitely doesn't deserve to get further than that. It's mildly interesting if you're in the right mood, but it's entirely a guilty pleasure fic. The original/interesting portions of the story are overshadowed by the melodrama and unoriginal/uninteresting portions. The 'romance' is absolute shit, and far more cliche than b0b3rt implied, though it was mostly ruined in the later chapters - the beginning held promise, but didn't deliver.

2.5/5, but rounded up for voting. I wouldn't mind this in the recycling bin, but I wouldn't mind if it wasn't either.

 

This has been in the almost recommended section for a while now.

Linkage

Edit: You meddling kids and that dog of yours!

 

the story is still rubbish for all the reasons I stated in the almost rec thread 2/5, and I think that is generous.

 

Thrice Damned Search function! I couldn't find it Sorry bout that then.

 

I for one am loving it. Some moments are definitely overboard, but all the shit that Daphne fics almost do this one actually has happen, and has managed to do so in a way that's readable (though I know some parts push the boundary a bit - perhaps too much for some folk...) But the fact that,

Spoiler

Daphne actually does betray Harry, and does so without remorse was lulzwin. No 'grey' family or third faction or pretend betrayal or seducing Harry to become a major player for the dark... nope, just full on betrayal and torture. Then attempts to rescue Harry fail at the last minute, unlike pretty much every other story in the genre.

So not perfect... and I admit that a good chuck of its strength is how it plays very specifically against the grain of Harry/Daphne, but it's still a 4/5 for me for solid execution.

 

Yeah, that's the main reason I read as much as I did. It's a pity that it sort of fell apart from there, though. Had Zephros kept at it, the Harry/Daphne (or Harry vs. Daphne) interactions could have been very interesting. Instead, that sort of fell to the wayside in favor of the kind of overdone Dark!Vengeful!Harry that stopped being interesting years ago.

 

I've been following it, and although it definitely has some flaws and is pushing the boundaries of Dark and sadistic Harry, to an impossibly powerful Harry, I'm still enjoying it. I'm hoping we get a little more character development in terms of Harry as the story moves on, because a fully evil character is never something I want to read.

Spoiler

Last chapter went on about how there's two personalities fighting each other, but from where I'm sitting, there is just one with a very slight conscience.

I'd rate this about a 3/5. It's not library worthy, but it could be in time.

 

I think this story is a complete fail. His previous canned AU story might not have been the most planned out concept but it was definitely a lot more interesting than this because it had some fresh feeling.

 

I personally didn't like this at all. Characters are either bland or unbelievable, interaction is worse, and Harry is powerful enough to do anything he wants. There's no progression, really. 2/5 for me, because it was (generally speaking) grammatically sound.

 

Yeah, a couple of good things about it but not brilliant. Every point I'd have made has been said.

To some people's taste but not library worthy as it is now.

2/5

 

It's finished; abrupt ending and loose ends abound.

3/5 from me, but it's a step up from the 2/5 I was going to give it because the author at least attempted to try something different other than the traditional cliches seen with that pairing.

 

Pacing is a bit off and there are a couple of loose ends - not a ton, but a enough to be noticeable.. Still, it was decently written and didn't fall into too many traps by the end, so 4/5.

 

I have to go to work now but have had a lengthy reply for this story running in bits through my head for sometime. Expect a long post from me later tonight, but I'll go ahead and say that overall, a 4/5.


---- Copypasta of the review I'm leaving at ffnet----


Given the nature of the final chapter, I feel that a review needs to really be divided into two parts: the story excluding the last chapter, and how the last chapter affected the rest of the story. So to begin:


Technically, the story was very good. The writing flowed, nothing in the writing destroyed the story for me on that level. It was an absolutely fantastic idea that was overall well executed. I've said it before but the upping-the-ante of every Daphne/Harry expectation was very refreshing and really made the story for me. I was successfully lulled into a state of complacency and then BOOM, Harry gets sucker punched and so did I.


The torture won't be everyone's cup of tea, and I know a lot of people will knock it down a point or two because of it. Eh, them's the breaks: all in all, I thought it was done fairly well. I've seen a few people deal with such stuff better, but I've seen a whole hell of a lot who have done worse, and Zephros' writing never fell below the point of no return. Moreover, while the scene of revenge with Bellatrix was far and away the weakest part of the storytelling, he was able to take it back in the next chapter to a sane energy level, and deserves major props for that.


So for technical writing, creative idea, and the characters themselves throughout the entire story, I'd give this story five stars.


Now it gets a little tricky.


Following Harry's escape (and very rushed defeat of Voldemort, part of what made the revenge chapter so weak), we essentially have two plots. One, Harry's desire to kill all the death eaters and two, Harry's desire to gain closure with regards to Daphne. The problem is that Zephros has a very hard time balancing these plots, and by committing to both, he doesn't quite accomplish either.


They key to a plot boils down to two things: conflict and resolution. The resolution does not necessarily mean that the hero wins or that even all points are settled, but we must have a sense of progress towards a clear goal. Unfortunately, Zephros splits these two points between the two plots, and sadly the result is a story that has two engaging and potentially very very deep subplots, but that's just it – they've become subplots.


With the Death Eaters, there is no conflict whatsoever – Harry kills them all with ease and increasing derring-do. Some of it was brilliant, the part when he offers Malfoy the false choice of suicide was awesome. But we never feel the need to really cheer Harry on here, because it's a done deal. There is, however, resolution: all the Death Eater's die.


With Daphne, the opposite occurs. Conflict by the bucket, and conflict that could have been explored in such depth as to make a full length story in its own right (especially if Ron, Hermione, et al had been brought into it further). But while the conflict is there and lasts up until the very end (Daphne trying to skirt around the oath to not save Harry), the end result is that there's no resolution. It's sad, because this story did what no story I've read has ever done: made Harry willingly and knowingly enslave a girl totally, without becoming a smutfic or a vainglorious proclamation of chastity. Hell, I even thought Harry had good reason to do what he did – I found myself sympathizing with him – which is pretty remarkable character writing when on the surface, what happened was Harry kidnapped Daphne, threatened her with murder if she didn't become his slave, and then Imperioused Ron to perform an unbreakable vow. But Harry comes across as neither lecherous or chivalrous. It's utterly cold-blooded and awesome.


And yet, despite all this, no resolution. It simply is, and then the story flashes forward without so much as scratching the surface of the relationship.


So that's the problem. Two ingredients split between two arcs, resulting in both being disappointingly weak given the skill and idea behind them.


Then we get the last chapter. I sense that Zephros had many of the same doubts that I just expressed above, because the last chapter tries to fix those very points. The problem is that it's rushed and it's too late – all the Death Eaters are dead, and his position with Daphne doesn't really change. We come to the conclusion that it was the horcrux more than the insanity that led his actions, but I don't get the feeling that much more has changed other than that Voldemort has been finally vanquished. Snape's appearance had far too much of a cameo feel to it and the mirror scene was melodramatic.


Not to come across as asinine, but the last chapter tried to do everything and did nothing.


I realize that this sounds overly harsh, and let me say in conclusion that I still give this story a very well-deserved 4/5. My issue is that Zephros came up with a brilliant idea and unfortunately diluted it to the point that it lost a good bit of its poignancy. And I add to my disappointment that I don't even think this was a case of Author A came up with a good idea, but it ought to have been written by Author B. I think within the story Zephros has more than proven himself capable of writing the 5/5 story this deserves to be. That's really what prompts these thousand-odd word reviews from me: the notion that a story I read could have made it into the realm of one of the undoubted best I've ever read, and has fallen just short.


Zephros, please for the love of love take this in the spirit that it was meant. You've clearly got a good mind and talent for this, and with this as a learning stepping stone that I nonetheless very much enjoyed I look forward to reading your future stuff. This isn't a bash of the 90% of what you did wrong (though with the wordcount it probably looks that way), but pointing out why it was “only” 90% that you did completely right.

 

Vlad basically sums up my thoughts on the story. Even constraining the story to its current length, you could resolve this story so much better if you had a clear direction. The last chapter gives some resolution - that Harry will work through his problems - but it doesn't really give us any real closure, since we never find out how he ultimately chooses to resolve the deep issues plaguing him.

He also never has to face justice or reality for his choices - lying for Daphne, murdering to ease his suffering, and choosing to risk his life to thwart Voldemort once and for all. These things come all too easily when they could have been written to better emphasize a decision on Harry's part, as well as the consequences for those actions.

Ideally, Harry should have been found out after killing Malfoy. Daphne should have had a harder time adjusting and should have hated him more (and he should have grown to dislike her as a wife, given that there was no intimacy between them, besides a shared secret). Finally, those two events should have influenced his decision to ask Snape to kill him, revealing to the readers what he would decide to do from then on out, to either work to rebuild his image and repent, or to seclude himself from society or some other plan.

But it didn't happen like that, it feels like the story is incomplete and meaningless. In spite of this, it's still recycle bin worthy.

3/5

 

I enjoyed this story more than other Harry/Daphne fics that I've read. The "romance" in the beginning of the story was rushed, probably because the author wanted to write the plot twist. I normally don't like fics that show Harry as vengeful (at least not violently so) because that really doesn't make sense with his character. This story explained it well in the last few chapters.

I would have given this story a 3 or 3.5 up until the last two chapters, but the conclusion was done well in my opinion (although it too could have been longer). I'll give it a solid 4.

 

I'm torn, one of the most intriguing ideas I've seen in a long while, yet the execution lacked what I wanted. The writing wasn't bad, the story wasn't bad. It's just that I could've been so much better, it could've been fucking epic. But it isn't.

Main reason it didn't live up to what it could've been was the lack of depth, in all aspects. Writing was technically sound, but it's was just churning out words and progress in the story, the whole point of this kind of story is to see character development. But let's face it, the only real character development we got was In-love!Harry->Tortured-Dog!Harry->Killer!Harry. It was plain, it was uninteresting compared to what it should've been.

 

I finally decided to give this a go, and I honestly couldn't get half way through the first chapter.

Sure, it's written in an ok fashion, but the initial interaction between Harry Blaise and Daphne was just way too cringe worthy and unrealistic. The imagery was pretty bleh too.

1/5 for being terrible in that small bit I read.

 

I know this is pretty much a necro, but I just tried reading this story. But I couldn't finish it due to it being so lame. Harry's such a ninny about everything. It's basically "CanonHarry" all over again. The story is pretty well written I have to say, but it's "Sissy!Harry" that ruined it for me. I'm voting this a 2/5.