The TV star thing is a little distracting, but the way the Harry's mind works is just awesome. His plan of totally isolating Hermione and then using her to do all of his menial tasks was exactly the sort of show I expected from a sociopath!Harry. Some things were pretty obviously designed to be 'edgy' and the story itself is not a crossover at all as advertised, but a pretty enjoyable read nonetheless. 3.5/5

 

Acid vat + shoelace tripwire + Snape = win.

4/5. That is all.

 

Meh, it's ok I guess. Kept me a little amused, definitely not worth more than a 3 though.

 

It's occasionally amusing, but not more.

Recycling bin material if I ever saw it.

 

I actually liked how sparse the description was. Too many authors decide to copy/paste everything from philosopher's stone as if they were writing an actual novel. Only showing Harry's emotions keeps things interesting and light.

The TV star thing has me torn. Basically the same reasons as previously stated.

You should make him a very minor child star. Give him a few local commercials or such. That way, it keeps the suspension of disbelief while playing up his arrogance. Have him still beleive himself to be a celebrity.

 

^This.

That's perfect. I'll definitely use that in the rewrite. It completely fits his character.

Thanks for the idea.

 

If the fic is subjected to a rewrite, will it then be viable to go under For Review again, considering it will be a different story?

Are they any precedences to fall on?

 

When I read this story, I didn't dislike it. There are a few clear things that need to be improved, but the overall concept was enjoyable.

First, like so many people have already stated, Harry shouldn't be a major TV star. It doesn't make sense. Why would a semi-intelligent psychopath want to be noticed? I can see the character appearing in a few commercials or minor TV shows (as a guest appearance, not a main character) in order to earn some money. I can't see the character wanting to become a huge celebrity, because he wouldn't want that kind of attention.

I liked how you developed Harry's character. I would have stopped reading almost immediately if you had tried to start the story with the Dursley's abuse of him. I've already read that hundreds of times in god knows how many stories, and it's getting repetitive. The back story is still needed, and I really liked the way that you went back and added in a few details in later chapters about his life at the Dursley's. Such as the following section in Chapter 8:

"If you were less like yourself and more like Neville Longbottom, then you'd still be sleeping in a cupboard under the stairs at your relatives – begging for scraps off their table, and hoping you wouldn't be hit one more time for audacity to ask for more food.

Wait, they didn't hit you much for that, no, that punishment was saved for more serious offences like dropping a dish while washing it, mistakenly cutting down a rose and not its thorn, or breathing.


They used that last one quite a bit, it got somewhat old."


It's enough to be able to say you attempted to develop your back story, but not enough to bore me half to death (especially spread out among different chapters). Thank you for that.


I wish you hadn't even compared this Harry to Dexter. As you've said yourself, he isn't like Dexter. They both kill things sometimes. That's really the extent of the similarities. The comparison is not needed, and results in many of your readers feeling like you aren't accomplishing your goal with this story.


3.5/5


This concept has potential. I would love to read a re-write of the story. If you take out the TV star thing, I'm curious as to how you'd write Harry's introduction into the magical world and his realization of his own fame. Either way, I'll probably keep reading the story to see where it goes.

EDIT: I forgot to add that if you plan to do a re-write, I wouldn't wait until after you were done with First Year. That just gives you more content that you have to go over. It's best to start the re-write now in case removing anything that you don't think fits has a large effect on the end of the first year.

 

It's rather bland at the moment but I enjoyed reading this

3.5/5

 

I was all set on raging, but then read that the author's doing a re-write. I'll withhold judgement until then.

 

I really like the last two recent updates.

Spoiler

Particularly the centaur. That was very original, never seen anything similar done before.

Anyway Dumbledore strikes me as the interesting character here. Given his intelligence, I'm sure Dumbledore knows or at least suspects that Harry played a role in Snape's demise, yet he still treats Harry normally. I wonder about what plans he has in store for Harry.

 

I do not comprehend how anyone could consider this 3 star material.

1/5

 

I dunno.

Spoiler

He seemed to be acting a bit irrationally, even considering he was standing in front of a prophesied killer. I mean, yeah, sure, if he knew everything Harry had done, like, ever, such as killing Snape, I'd get it, but he doesn't. Firenze was always the more reasonable of Centaurs.

 

I think you may be underestimating the scope of Harry's prophesied destiny; according to Firenze in OotP the stars rarely show the destinies of individuals, more showing the future of the world in general, or at least a localised area of it. If Harry's 'black soul' is shown by the stars specifically... Well, he's not going to be a very nice person.

 

LOLOLOL @ Hagrid vs centaur, that was gold

 

Spoiler

You're assuming that the stars prophesized things that Harry has already done. What he was "prophesized" to do could be in the future, and those things could be much worse.

 

I like the idea of a re-write, should help boost the star rating of the story (hopefully) but i was actually hanging out for the next chapter, with a re-write thats going to take some time.

The tv star thing was wierd, never seen it in a fic before, it was original but i didnt like it much, i think its great if hes done minor roles as everyone else has said, that would give some background for why hes such a good actor.

I think this story could go far with a re-write to get some more positive reviews from members here.

 

it seems to me that the movie start thing has been blown way out of proportion by the readers, and not the writer. It was hardly mentioned at all, and when it was, it was for comedic effect. The biggest role it played was for Harry thinking his fame in the wizarding world was due to his acting rather than his boy-who-lived stuff. That was very well done and I enjoyed the humor in that.

This story doesn't need a rewrite, and you don't have to cave in to the whims of the people here. It is fine as is.

 

Fic was...ok, but what drew me to it was the supposed Dexter cross. Given how much I enjoy Dexter, I'm starting to hate on this. More out of a sense of how Harry's just a little prick comparitively and nothing like a calculating killer of the calibre of Dex.