I would have liked to see more Baba Yaga - the most unique pairing in history of fanfiction :-/

 

I was tempted to bring Baba Yaga in as part of the "reinforcements," but I didn't want to make the final battle more convoluted than it already was.

In the epilogue, I thought about mentioning that Harry had a standing offer to replace one of her three wizards. I couldn't see him taking her up on it.

As for Luna, I realized pretty quickly during the sequel that I couldn't make the relationship work during the story proper. He would have had to bring her in too close and she'd have morphed into a clone of Susan from To Fight the Coming Darkness. Since Luna was a very flawed personality I couldn't see that happening. Added to that was Harry's trust issues. Too many people had betrayed or disappointed him (you) along the way for him to just let Luna into his life during the crisis.

After the battles were over, it's another story.

 

Bungle was the better fic, but this was pretty enjoyable too. The infrequent updates towards the end, while understandable given what else was happening, did detract from the story and hurt it a bit.

Luna was a pain, to be honest. But I can live with that. I was never terribly invested in the romance in this, and the focus was not really on it either.

Despite that, a worthy end. Glad to see this finish. 4/5

 

This pretty much sums up my thoughts about it. Bungle was excellent, this not quite as much but still good.

 

Well, I enjoyed most parts of Bungle and Turn Me Loose isn't really a disappointment but after all the smartass holier than you attitude of Harry Stu at least I had the impression that it got really stale. He got too annoying sometimes where I've even hoped that Riddle would just off him.

I know you like to twist characters in your stories in some weird way to make it extra cool but I think in this one you went a bit too far.

 

Loved both Bungle and TML. Bungle a little bit more because a 2nd person HP story that was really good was all new to me.

I liked the part with Dumbledore in the epilogue. It felt kind of right, the old man being dismissed at the end, with weak justifications for his actions. Dumbledore, a character who loved being in control and in the limelight, being moved to the side would be something.

What I liked about this fic and jbern's style in general is how he fleshes out the HP world and makes it both larger than life and small and realistic. That's a rare skill.

 

Thanks. I thought about some kind of confrontation with Dumbledore in the end, but it just didn't seem like it fit. Dismissing him and having Harry essentially thumb his nose at Dumbledore seemed more appropriate.

As for Bungle being better, it's tough for a sequel to live up to the original. I think that's part of the reason I'm reluctant to jump right into Lie's sequel. The bar is pretty high there. The good news in that regard is my stories seem to lag when I'm writing with Hogwarts as the backdrop. It happened when Harry and Susan went to Hogwarts in TFtCD and when I brought Harry there in Turn Me Loose. With the enhanced Tri-Wizard Tournament and all the intrigue, I was able to avoid it to an extent in Lie.

Inner Eye doesn't really suffer from this since Harry isn't really striving to be independent. He just ends up that way.

The lesson I've taken from all of this is that it's hard to write an Independent Harry and still have him working out of the castle. As it exists in my mind at the moment, Lie's sequel will start in France and move all over Europe before coming back to England. I'm hoping to work both Krum and Athena into the background. Aimee may eventually appear, but she's still in the middle of a long convalesence. If I do a "cool" Weasley at all, I may have HJ cross pathes with Charlie, but in all likelihood, the theme of HJ respecting Arthur for being a "good man" as opposed to a skilled wizard would continue.

 

There must be some potential in Arthur. His enchanted car at least seems to be something special.

 

As far as I remember, every car from the ministry has the room-stretching enchantment, so that can't be it. Whereas the flying, Idk. Sirius had a flying motorbike. Also, there is the distinct possibility that Arthur just found the ability by accident while fooling around in his garage, as he does most of the time.
I agree with jbern. Arthur Weasley is no "cool guy" material. He's the perfect "good man".

 

I agree he doesn't "seem" to be a cool guy. But I think there is some deeper potential here. We can't deny that Fred/George are highly creative, Bill must be no idiot either because of his job. Charly is into dangerous adventure, we don't know more about him. Percy managed a lot owls/newts too but has some attitude issue probably similar rooted in insecurities like Ron only with different outlets. Both can also easily be explained if you look at the child order.

That needs an environment to grow, probably also a lot help by either Arthur or Molly. After the funny scene in CoS where Arthur asked the boys how the car went it shows to me that it was him. I see him as some creative free mind with his pet projects, let's Molly run the family business and a keen observer about the Ministry people and the political games if you look at the conflict between him and Percy.

There is definitely more behind his surface than just a good man with the implied "stupid, weak,...". Would Lucius truly be bothered with a stupid powerless though good man?

We also know he is a good friend with Moody. Does anybody expect Moody to be a good friend with weak,irrelevant but good people? I see him as being friends with people he respects as strong, independent, trustworthy, competent and with a lot potential.

P.S. Who says that Arthur didn't enchant the Ministry "muggle" cars or helped with Sirius's bike? He's the "expert" there about magic enhanced muggle products.

 

'Good father' does not equate to 'cool guy'. Hell, it's the antithesis of 'cool guy' more often than not.

 

This. I agree with most of your characterization, samkar, but none of it make Arthur necessarily a cool guy. Which is all I have said.

 

I enjoyed these a large amount once I finally got over the 2nd person. Of course, now I anxiously wait HJ and Hat fucking shit up.

 

Well, it was a nice ending to the story. It wrapped it up much better then most stories manage, and I liked the simplicity of it. That being said, I just didn't feel much towards the characters anymore. I'm not sure if that's due to your writing, or as others have said because of the long wait times. I think it would be interesting to get the perspective of someone reading these straight through now that they are finished. Glad that it's done though, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future, both original and HP. That being said, I would make sure that if you start a sequel to Lie, please finish it. It's way to good to have an unfinished sequel.

Also, /me wishes Harry had gotten with Fleur

 

Me = read it through on one session. Or most of it. When I started it, there was only the epilogue of TML left to posted. I still felt for the characters strongly in the end, so maybe it's because of the wait? There are many fics that I have lost interest in simply because they took too long to update.

And don't we all have Lie, and its sequel *hint hint* for some good Harry/Fleur? :awesome

 

Yes... but that's not a reason this couldn't have been Harry/Fleur as well, moar=better. Also, thanks for your input, I may reread them at some point now, just because I think that the climax would be a lot better if read straight through.

 

Well, I hadn't really read the last few chapters, and when I saw the fic had finally been completed I went ahead and reread it all from bungle to here.

FIrstly, I have to say that Bungle was indeed the better fic. Not because it was the original as such, but I found there to be a clear difference in the quality of the updates after you stopped updating TML for so long. The start of it was as good as Bungle, but it dropped in quality after just over half way. It wasn't really quantifiable, just a feeling I got from reading the two books in the last 3 days.

You really went all Joe on the final battle didn't you? I actually really enjoyed the final battle. I've always been a sucker for an epic fight. YOu definitely delivered on that regard. Just the whole start from when they invaded Gringotts with all the mercs, finally killing the Hydra, and then what I thought was the final battle with Voldemort. I had no idea how you were planning on bringing the Daemon back, but you definitely did it in an exquisite manner. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't incredibly well written, but it was enjoyable to read, and thats mostly what counts.

The epilogue felt almost exactly like the epilogue from canon when I first read it. Seemed a bit unnecessary, but sad nonetheless. It marked an end to this series, a series which had a unique and enjoyable second person perspective. You wrote a good story, one I definitely enjoyed. Well worth the ride.

I'll give the series a 4.5/5 overall.. They were both extremely good stories and I enjoyed reading them.

Cheers.

Edit: I'm disappointed that Kwan died, he was definitely one of my favorite characters. Sad that he didn't get more of a mention around the end. Excellent characterization for him, perhaps the only character who could truly be considered realistic, given the descriptions.

 

One of the most outstanding fics I have had the pleasure to read. Not only because of the plot, or the 2nd person which has had me slipping into it in my own writings before I realise what I'm doing, but because of the characterisation.

Kwan has got to be one of the best realised OC's I've ever seen in fanfiction. He doesn't exist to satisfy a personal urging for coolness factor, for a main character to sleep with or the author to insert themselves through, he actually breathes. He's on a level with a well written Snape and Mad Eye, which is fairly saying something.

Snape will slip a little something into your food and Mad Eye will be waiting in your kitchen when you get home, but Kwan will tap you on the shoulder and Crucio you in the face.

I'd also love to see some expansion on all the possibilities left at the end of it all. An incursion to Hell to rescue Fawkes; Hermione, Lauren and Baba Yaga all showing up at the same time with their green eyed toddlers....

Either way, Bungle and Loose have been great reads and if I could I'd be breathing down Bern's neck for a sequel to Lie.

 

Easily one of my favorite stories. I loved the way you wrote a traitorous Hermione, and even though harry was trying to get away from the headmaster, he was still suckered into at least one of Dumble's plots which makes his fight for independence that much more believable. Now all I need is for you to write a story where Harry is invited to a different school and after his 2nd year decides to go their to get away from the "safest place in the wizarding world."

I hope my grammar was correct.