Title: And Bits of Fluff
Author: Teufel1987
Rating: T
Genre: Humour
DLP Category: Humour/Parody
Pairing: No pairing
Status: Oneshot
Summary: What if clearing your mind isn't the only way to keep people out of your head?
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6511617/1/And_Bits_of_Fluff


A little something I wrote ...
Tell me what you think ...

P.S. I saw this comic online concerning Harry Potter ... it was rather funny ... where would I post the link for that?

 

I recommend you read correct posting format. Thanks.

Harry Potter Memes thread for the comic strip, if it hasn't already been posted.

I also recommend you look around the site more (also known as "lurking") before posting loads, just so you get an idea of where everything is, conventions we stick to, etc. Pay particular attention to any Global Announcements and Sub-Forum Stickies. Maybe make a post in the Introductions forum.

 

OK ... um, I've listed the story title and put in the link in the title

the author is me anyway and I go by that name but I should have included that

otherwise, the rating, genre, status and summary have been included ... the pairing doesn't matter since there is no pairing.

though when I first wrote it out, the formatting was different ... somehow the spaces have been deleted and what should have been below the first line came next to it.

Other than that, is there something I should have done differently?

 

I corrected the formatting, you just need to add whether or not there's a pairing -- and which one it is.

By the way, we do know you put in the correct information. However, the thing about the "format" is that it's about the "form", i.e. the way the information is ordered; not the information itself.

For clarity and stuff. And, you know, because that's the rule. Welcome to the Library.

 

Read the fic. It's... bad.

Spelling and grammar is fine.

Characterisation is slightly off canon (Harry's attitude to both Hermione and Snape isn't quite right). Snape is all wrong.

Overall, it's just rather dull. None of the attempted jokes made me smile, never mind laugh. The basic premise was... uninspired. And its success unlikely.

2/5

 

I've got mixed feelings about this fanfic.

I liked the new method of occlumency and this little bit of information about Dumbledore using it as well. The way it is contagious is actually well thought (we all know those stupid songs that just get stuck in your mind and you just hum them unconsciously).

On the other hand, Harry's attitude towards Hermione is a bit off and there's simply nothing that makes it shine through, nothing exceptional.

As a oneshot, the idea is OK. As a crackfic, it's not cracked enough. 3/5

 

Well, it wasn't meant to be a crackfic ... it was just a funny little oneshot based on how annoying it can be when a person hums a tune in front of you as a consequence of which the song just sticks in your head. And how easy it is for that song to stay there in your mind.

Sometimes the song can be so annoying that it sticks in your head for decades!

Introduce something like that to a person used to keeping his mind clear, (not having heard anything annoying before) and you get anarchy!

As for Harry's attitude towards Hermione ... well at first he did have a huge headache and pain can make people really uncharitable ... after that it was her acting sceptical about his method ... it pissed him off ... he was only being moody ... and after seeing what happened to Snape, he didn't want to risk the same thing happening to her ...

 

You had a fairly interesting twist on occlumency, however, execution of that idea fell flat.

I mostly attribute this to two things. The story felt a bit too long for it's punchline, and the character actions felt off as Taure pointed out.

They (the characters) and their interactions just felt two dimensional, in the sense that one of two character traits felt overly emphasized to the exclusion of the others (as often tends to happen in fan fiction).

That is to say, there's a bit too much of the "fanon caricature" of the characters in the story, pulling the characterization off center, despite your seemingly perfectly valid reasons behind the choices you made for/about the character interactions in your story.

2/5