Hmm...maybe the author meant that since she was in a...uh, 'coffin coma', she had no magical experience despite her age; hence, first year.

...

Okay, yeah, that is a pretty lame explanation...

 

:facepalm
Show me a part that doesn't fail.

 

Well, she can't possibly be the 'brain-dead-retard-who-lived', even if her oxygen-deprived comatose cavefish-pale body was being magically fed a lifetime of education and formative experiences.

Dare I ask: what's the pairing?

 

I don't know about the pairing but she apparently was enough not-brain-dead to change her name to Lillian Jamie James so soon after her wake-up.

Heres an excerpt from the story.

 

I hate you, Here is my counterattack:

miracle at Hogwarts! by bloomandsky2135
WELL WEVE OFFICALLY JUST REACHED WIERDER! why do dead people show up at the weirdest times? they were having a normal day until mcgonnall rushed in saying there was an issue at hogwarts! thats right people its either a zombie attack or dead family alive!
Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 429 - Published: 12-26-10 - Harry P. & Teddy L.

Read it, bitch!

EDIT: Ohh one more:

Only the good die young! by ILUVRumbleroar
The battle of Hogwarts never really happened, Bellatrix killed Voldemort in a fit of rage and jealousy. Dumbledore died while finding and killing horcruxes. Draco Malfoy switched to the side of the good guys and cedric diggory is not dead...
Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 369 - Published: 12-26-10

 

I see your crap and raise you SHIT!

- - -

Carve Thy Name upon My Nape » by Belladonna Lee reviews

DMHP Slash. Afflicted with an incurable chill, Draco waits for someone to be buried with him in the glass tomb. Clinging to half-existence, Harry seeks warmth beyond the ice coffin.

Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,442 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 12-26-10 - Published: 10-31-09 - Draco M. & Harry P.

 

that was cold, pardon the pun.

I summon you idiocy!


Lez B Friends by Amortentia Veritaserum
when Draco, Neville, and Harry must sing like The Midnight Beast to pass today's Muggle Studies Class, will they sing in tune or will they get booed? Based on The Midnight Beast song Lez B Friends. Rated T for Lyrics
Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,001 - Published: 12-26-10 - Draco M. & Neville L. - Complete

 

Oh yeah Stupid, have at you.

- - -

Ho Mione Grunger & the TOTALLY Original Plotline! by cyberwulf reviews

Parody. Liek, ’Mia comes back to hogwars one September and is liek TOTALLY different and has her heart set on a special someone!111 how will the others react?wait and see!

Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,700 - Reviews: 89 - Updated: 4-19-05 - Published: 4-19-05 - - Hermione G.

 

This will teach you!

Ashamed by StylishEvil reviews
Hermione fantasizes about a certain Ministry of Magic undersecretary. -femslash- Hermione/Umbridge
Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,405 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 12-30-09 - Hermione G. & Dolores U. - Complete

 

En garde.

- - -

Poor Harry by Katelyn Willows reviews

What happens when Harry gets on the wrong side of Umbridge? Warning contains spanking of a teen if that bugs you don't read, jsut move on to the next one

Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,138 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9-7-08 - Harry P. & Dolores U. - Complete

 

You can't beat me down!

A Little Static Fling by caiitlon reviews
Dobby spends a steamy night with the sock that bought his freedom and won his love.
Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,199 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 9-14-10 - Dobby - Complete

 

Bwahahaha...we'll just see about that.

- - -

An Undeniable love by yaoiluvah232 reviews

Dobby was so small and fragile, yet so beautiful to him. He had always been there, trying to keep him safe like a guardian angel. And now he was so much more. Dobby was a friend, a protector, and now as he lay trembling in Harry's arms, a lover. One shot

Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 242 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 7-20-09 - Harry P. & Dobby - Complete

 

Young,you are.Lose, you will.

. Dudley's Secret by ps45g reviews
Dudley and... Trevor? Can a boy's true love be a toad? Contains graphic scenes.
Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 476 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6-4-10 - Dudley D.



(video for you)

 

Funny chimp. XD

- - -

Nectar So Sweet by -SirTaylor'sTallTales-

Draco Malfoy & Ron Weasley find themselves at each other's throats yet again, this time in the Slytherin locker room after a Quidditch skirmish--their conflict soon turns to action rather than words. One-shot. XXX content. Are reviews too much to ask for?

Harry Potter - 3,542 words - 1 chapters - Latest Chapter: 01/04/2010 - 21 reviews - Romance / Drama - Draco M./Ron W.

 

Chimp or not chimp, ready the bleach:


. Harry And Snape: TOgether At Last by Princess Florella reviews
Pure Slash with various and sundry Romances sprinkled throughout. Very Romantic, VERY HOT. PLEASE REVIEW. NO FIRES. harry and snape are getting married in the fall, which leaves just enough time for a quick summer time romance. And what will Ronald do
Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 413 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7-7-08 - Fridwulfa & N. Tonks

 

I think I'm numb to those now...who is this Fridwulfa?

- - -

In the relentless Rain by decafdragon

A latenight patrol gone sexy. oneshot RaphXDon TURTLECEST

Ninja Turtles - 2,079 words - 1 chapters - Latest Chapter: 08/08/2010 - 0 reviews - Romance / General - Donatello/Raphael

 

Hagrid's mother.

 

Hagrids mother, the frightening and savage giant who vandalized and destroyed countess villages and killed numerous wizards and witches.

Vampire Witches » by HidesBehindClosedDoors reviews
Bella was born a witch but after being turned into a vampire and watching her coven in love for centuries will she finally find her mate? What if they moved to Forks where another coven was residing? Will she tell them her coven's secret? Who's the bimbo?
Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 36,588 - Reviews: 41 - Updated: 12-26-10 - Published: 4-28-10 - Bella & Edward

 

Tragedy Porn by Aibari reviews

They meet again. SLASH.

Complete - Crossover - Batman & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 490 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 4-1-10 - Bruce W. & Edward

 

Reeeead it!

Heat » by LovingPipersBoys reviews
Jacob Black hated mating season but with the help of Edward and Emmett Cullen he might have a new outlook on this special time of year. Story begins as Jacob/Emmett but will end with Emmett/Jacob/Edward and a surprise at the end. Graphic M/M sex!
Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 11,944 - Reviews: 46 - Updated: 12-22-10 - Published: 10-5-10 - Jacob & Edward - Complete