Canon HP magic requires intent and stuff.

I'm not disputing that it's a valid pet peeve, but rather arguing that with the way languages evolve, it's not completely illogical.

 

To further back up Pers's point, many (most?) spells require some sort of wand motion. Just saying the word is not enough.

EDIT: Another peeve. Not plot related but it drives me to call down fire and brimstone all the same. Crops up all the time in AN's and review.

The term chappie. :fireWhat the fuck is with that. It should absolutely never be seen. It is not an abbreviation for chapter. For Chrissake it's the same length as the word chapter. You use that term and you are a brain dead, frothing at the mouth retard. No exceptions.

 

Not all spells require wand motions. Every combat spell seems to be something that people can cast just by pointing.

And just about every spell completely ignores intent. Just move your wand and say the word then magic will happen. Harry had no clue what the spells in his potion book did but he still got them to work with only the incantation. Those that do require intent work to a lesser degree when the intent is not powerful enough. So instead of white hot knives stabbing every inch of their body, they get one quick thrust up the sphincter.

A wizard having a wand on their person and then calling out incantations in regular discussion is just asking for trouble. Languages evolving is the reason this error is so damn common. Two closely associated terms getting interchanged as the author writes.

 

As amusing as this sounds, none of the Unforgivables could be accidentally cast like that.

This goes hand in hand with using "Cliffie" as an abbreviation for cliffhanger.

First off, nine times out of ten (considering the skill of the average fanfic writer), if you ended your chapter with a cliffhanger, you didn't do it because it was the best place to end the chapter, or to heighten reader enjoyment, you did it because you're a douchebag who giggles at the thought of your readers squirming and bitching until the next update.

And if that update takes a few months, a year... or forever, because you abandon it, you're an even bigger douche.

Second, trying to make it sound cute by calling it a "cliffie," is contemptible at best, and makes you sound like a moron.

Basically, everything you said about "Chappie" applies to "Cliffie."

 

If this were true, then magical education would consist of nothing more than memorizing words and gestures, and anyone could cast Unforgiveables as soon as they learned the incantation.

I think it's entirely likely (especially in the modern age, when wizards probably will be affected by Muggle trends, like it or not, given the influx of Muggle-borns) that a lot of kids would use incantations as shorthand for the spells themselves. "Don't make me Stupefy your ass."

The older generation might hate it and mutter darkly about how one of these days one of those damn kids is going to Cruciate himself, but they won't be taken seriously.

 

:fire

This or any variation thereof.

 

Oh god, THIS! Don't even get me started.

Harry has faced abuse of one sort or another his entire life, he's spent years in the class of a death eater who very much acted like one toward his students, he's fought monsters that would make the fiercest wizard fill their pants, lead his friends against adult murderers, tangled with corrupt politicians and been tortured by them, and faced off against the murderer of his parents multiple times before he ever gets a girlfriend.

There's no way in hell he's going to be scared of his girlfriend's parents. I don't give a shit if Hermione's father were in the SAS, like so many authors try to say, and makes smarmy remarks about pulling perfectly healthy teeth, or if even the death eaters are so afraid of Tracey/Pansy/Daphne's father that the family has been able to maintain neutrality even in the face of Voldemort's wrath, Harry is not going to sweat that shit.

Would he want to make a good impression? Sure. Is he going to wring his hands and quake in his boots over it? No.

Let's face it, even putting all that other shit aside, in most of these stories, Harry has amazing financial resources at his disposal, and magic. If his girlfriend's parents put their foot down and said, "Yeah, he's nice, rich, powerful, and could probably beat me with one hand tied to his enormous dick, but I forbid you from dating him!" there's just not much they could do to back up that decree.

In the case of muggle parents, Harry could be in the same room and they wouldn't know it, thanks to his cloak. He could cast a muggle repelling charm on his girlfriend's bedroom door and watch the parents suddenly remember they need to go to the store for milk every time they tried to knock. And that's just the warm-up.

Frankly, even as a somewhat lazy student who hasn't even taken his NEWTS, we have it on good authority that he's better at defense than most adults. Even against magical parents, he'd be more than able to withdraw a small fortune and vanish off the face of the planet with his main squeeze.

The right potion could have the parents sleep through his visits, or believe he's their best friend, or simply too high/cheerful to give a shit.

And that's just if he felt like being a pain in the ass.

Shit, he could slap a cheap magical tent down in the middle of a vacant lot, cast the Fidelius, and still live better than any runaway teen in the real world could ever dream. Have real teen 'lovebirds' done equally stupid stunts because they thought they were in love? Pfft... Yeah.

The Fidelius is just overkill, really. Harry was at the top of the most wanted list throughout the course of Deathly Hallows, and only got caught because he Named the Dark One. Shaitan, Hastur, Betelgeuse. All that time, his location was protected by a few simple charms.

End Score: Muggle parents are fucked if their daughter dates a wizard. Wizard parents are fucked if their daughter dates a rich hero with an invisibility cloak and big brass balls that he carts around in a wheelbarrow, just to keep them from clanking.

Also, they say you only get one chance to make a first impression, but with Obliviation as an option, you get enough redoes to make Bill Murray weep.

And, if he's not interested in pulling punches, all of that is assuming Harry lets them remember they have a daughter.

Bearing all of that in mind, beyond wanting to look good because he's a nice guy, I don't see Harry sweating bullets under the glare of his girlfriend's father.

In short, when your daughter and her boyfriend could be raising their own family in a locked trunk in your attic, without you even knowing they are, you've got nothing to say except, "Welcome to the family, son." And I imagine a kid as shifty as Harry knows that.

Can you tell I've thought about this one before?

Edit: Shit, in most of the stories where this would be relevant, the father's just lucky Harry isn't kicking his ass and fucking his wife in addition to his daughter.

 

Oh god, another post Sirius-death Pussy!Harry story has appeared on fanfiction.net: Uncle Vernon beating him up and Harry meekly saying, "Yes, sir" afterwards! Of course, Tonks -his Order stalker for the day- has to save him from the abuse! :facepalm:

Of all the cliches, why this one!

 

What irks me the most is name calling. Now its ok to see a bit of name calling if the author is doing a re-write the first couple of books, but I don't recall thinking that calling someone names was a particularly awesome way of offending them when I was 14/15. Yeah calling someone a dick, a cunt, a fucker, thats fine. But things like Malfart, Moldywart and Bumblebore are not what a real teenager would resort to.

 

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Adding on to the comment about the Uber creditcard.


Why the fuck do you use a fucking credit card, when you have millions of fucking galleons in liquid cash?

Proceeding to rack up massive debt when you can just outright pay for whatever it is you want is always a real story breaker for me.

Most of the stories involving it are about trying to be anonymous and undercover from DE or Order.

Thats right; lets leave a paper trail of transactions for people to follow instead of using untraceable cash instead.

 

I think the general idea is...

A: It's usually described as being usable in both the magical and muffle worlds, where galleons, sickles, and knuts are not.

B: A sack of gold coins sounds very cumbersome.

C: Even if you have a money pouch that can hold many more times the amount it should be able to, thus making it more convenient to carry twenty pounds of gold on your person, coin pouch = man purse.

Outside of D&D, you can't save the world if you're carrying a man purse.

At least, I'm assuming that's part of the usual logic in the magical credit card decision.

 

This is because in JKR's universe, magic doesn't affect the politics, economics or society. Changes to the world don't have consequences.

There is a real literary genre dedicated to exploring the way technology changes society. It's called science fiction. Proper science fiction deals with the ramifications (political, social) of scientific and technological advances. If a story just retells Romeo & Juliet on another planet and the story is not changed by happening on another planet, then it's not a science fiction story, it just uses the science fiction for scenery, for set decorations or for a gimmick to bring viewers.

A canon example of science fiction-y technology that was missed by real science fiction is contraception. Once safe, effective, over the counter oral contraceptive was introduced, society changed forever. At the time, there were some dire predictions about how society will change, but only the stupid thought it wasn't a big deal. The whole courtship dance, one of the most important drivers of society, was changed, and wherever religion or other reactionary force didn't interfere, eliminated much drama.

Reliable DNA paternity testing makes tens of thousands of years of social evolution moot. If a man can be absolutely sure it's his own child, keeping his woman chained to the kitchen sink is unnecessary, and teaching girls that their most prized (and sometimes only) possession is their virtue is also unnecessary. Patriarchal society, which exists to assure the genetic inheritance that is tied to property and political inheritance, changes forever. The double standard of promiscuous males called studs and promiscuous females called sluts also slowly goes away (well, it should. It's in our culture, but the reason for it has disappeared). Your fiancée's ex-boyfriends don't matter if you are sure that her children will be yours. Thus, a young woman who is not a virgin is still desirable. It wasn't always so!

Child sex-selection is well known for creating crazy imbalance, like in China, where 1.2:1 boys-to-girls means there are millions of young men who have no chance of getting married (this is very dangerous because men who don't settle down to raise children are likely to start wars).

Digital reproduction technology changed the arts and the financial sector that lives off artists (beginning with the player piano which replaced second rate musicians and photography which replaced second rate painters). We're in the throes of that right now.

Jet airliners caused the "invention" of the global tourism industry and prompted lots of large scale building projects intended to capitalize on large crowds, like for sporting events.

The telegraph changed commerce and military strategy.

Naval strategy is just a long tale of inventions: breech loading cannon, gun turrets, all big guns strategy for zeroing in on target, wireless telegraph for coordination, range finding and gun fire control systems, aircraft carriers, sea skimming cruise missiles with torpedo or hyper sonic from above last stage (also in propulsion: clippers, steam, triple expansion, steam turbine, gas turbine, nuclear and in navigation from sextant to GPS).

The fucking world wide web created the likes of Amazon and Google.

Broadband may yet kill the TV networks, once the only show you watch via real-time broadcast is the news.

Technology changes the world. In JKR's wizarding world, the technology is very different, but the world is not different in the ways one would expect.

Magical people behave exactly like muggles, only quirckier. With a little creativity, OWL-level magic is a dues-ex machina for just about any problem a character may face. We have canon examples of people who made very well for themselves using mainly one spell. There are lots of fics that demonstrate how you can do anything using only the Fidelius or only Obliviate or only the invisibility cloak and a time turner or only a Phoenix familiar or whatever. I'm sure there are more than a hundred different dues-ex machinas in canon. Wizards just go on, live like muggles who have no cars or TVs or cellphones and face regular human problems they seemingly refuse to deal with. I think the fanon idea that only degenerates stay in Britain and the magicals everywhere else are sane has merit, however silly it is.

If wizards had human foibles they would be like Greek gods, but instead they are like regular people with slightly strange technology: they can teleport but they don't have cellphones or weapons with range longer than 50 feet. They can live in abject poverty while being able to violate the second law of thermodynamics at will. The population of greater London has been over 5 million since 1890. Yes, 19th century. And you can't miss it while flying a broom. And these wizards, all 5000 of them, behave either as if the world on the other side of the Leaky Cauldron doesn't exist or as if the muggles are still living in caves. The amount of money made in the 20th century compared to the previous centuries is staggering. Pre-industrial Old Money are paupers compared to rail and oil and electronics billionaires. A single muggleborn from the right family could buy all of the wizarding world with his trust fund.

But of course, it's a children's book. This bashing has no more merit than over-analyzing little red riding hood.

 

Pop culture references, especially when the author and the characters clearly share the same taste in books/bands/movies.

It particularly irks me when the author makes Hermione's favorite book Pride and Prejudice. I don't recall Hermione ever reading fiction in canon -- she buries herself in books to accumulate knowledge, not to swoon over nineteenth century gallants. Hermione is absolutely not a repressed romantic waiting for a man to carry her off into the sunset, and writing her as one demeans her character.

 

If anything, her pining after Ron 'the-asshole-trashcan' Weasley displays that she doesn't have a romantic bone in her body, at all.

 

Warlocke, your posts in this thread brighten my day.

 

Now that would be funny: a muggleborn billionaire buying up all of Diagon Alley, and hiring scores of wizards/witches/muggles/squibs to kill off the 'old families'/purebloods.

Huh...I guess that's one way to get rid of the blood purists?

 

Agreed when it's played straight. That said, I disagree on "any variation thereof." Harry saying that in a tongue-in-cheek or hyperbolic fashion counts as a variation thereof, and I find that variation acceptable.

(now, whether the author is capable of writing it in such a way that it's clear Harry doesn't mean what he says is another story)

 

speaking of which:-

What is the Fanfic Author's in general, proclivity for giving Harry a giant cock anyway?
Is it something the reader actually cares about or needs to know? - even in a pure smut-fic.....It's still tmi, imo.

Isn't being the hero enough? Or is it because he is the hero that he has to be a human tripod that only a metamorphagus or veela can handle?

 

Excuse, me, have you ever heard of the term 'wish fulfillment'?

And this is just because taking a pause in the middle of a fight to describe the precise half turn, diamond motion and slash to the upper right used to cast a curse would be fucking boring instead of rattling off a 'stunner, a bone flayer and an odd nail growing hex for kicks'.

 

It's been done well before thou. Jberns dueling scenes from 'The Lie I Live" come to mind.