Some stats the original sporker pulled from that trash-heap:

Total words: 104, 777 (includes headers with warnings)
Number of pages (Microsoft Works, 10 pt font, 1.5 spacing): 203
Length of a randomly chosen sex scene: 1474 words
Length of the final battle against Voldemort: 714
Number of Death Eater attacks described in the story: Three (the attack on the Dursleys, the Lucas Snelling possession, and the final battle)
Number of sex scenes between Ron and Draco: One.
Number of sex scenes between Remus and Sirius: Four
Number of sex scenes between Harry and Severus: An even forty.
Number of sex scenes between Hermione and Blaise: None.

 

... I don't really want to know, but somehow I can't stop my fingers from typing this question: did any of the Harry/Snape stuff happen while Harry was still a minor, and if so, was any of it while he was Snape's student?

 

All of it. Harry is 14 at the time the fic takes place.

 

* finishes vomiting, and gargles with Absolut *
I'm going to stagger away, and find something fluffy (with consenting adults) to read now. Possibly in the Supernatural fandom.




[DLP: all about the uncomfortable moments]

 

... ... ...

I have nothing to say to this other than 'What has been read cannot be unread.'

 

Thank God, that I'm drunk enough to forget most of what I just read

 

I honestly have to know. How the hell do you guys manage to make it through most of these?

 

They're masochists.

 

Really? I thought the majority of DLP was crazy?

 

Lots of Crack.

---------- Post automerged at 23:15 ---------- Previous post was at 22:20 ----------

Best Kept Secret » by Heuvel reviews
Harry's first auror assingment under the reign of Kingsley as minister is to track down an unregistered witch by the name of Melrose Sherwood. It was supposed to be simple, too. Harry/OC. After DH.
Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 18,624 - Reviews: 23 - Updated: 5-16-11 - Published: 2-21-11 - Harry P. & OC - Complete

This fic isn't really awesomely bad, I didn't read beyond the first chapter because it seemed like it was going to be boring derivative shit, but I did find the passive sexism of this line to be fairly amusing.

 

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5890484/1/Modest_Too

This story is lulzy. I think the author is trying on purpose to make the most ridiculous story ever. In the story (and many like it) Harry has a ton of political, magical, and financial power, and withdraws all his Gringotts money. Dumbledore, the Ministry, and the goblins don't like that, so manipulative!Dumbledore comes up with a plan to put Harry into a stasis like Han Solo in the bowels of Gringotts to be reawoken whenever his power is needed to defeat an evil. Harry doesn't like this, so he built a A-Bomb in his shed and detonated underneath Gringotts.

Yeah.

Thats just the first 500 words or so too.

 

Hey, that story makes me giggle. And it's not written too badly, either.

 

One thing I liked about this fic was the fact that the goblins did not seem to be overjoyed by the fact that one wizard possessed 99.9999999% of the gold in Gringotts. Seeing as how a person who controlled as much Gold as Harry does in some of these lordship stories would essentially control the entire wizarding economy, and in turn would have huge amounts of power over the Goblins.

 

Y'know those fics where Harry comes in and tosses all Slytherin-tendancies to the wind and threatens Snape, makes Dumbledore choke on his lemon drops, and awes everyone else so they want his babies? I found one where Ginny does it...

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6894427/1/Eternal_Flame_Guiding_Green

 

Seriously ???

 

That one sort of saddened me - that the author could apparently be so earnest about it, and that so many of the fic's reviewers were eating it up.

IMO the height of awesomely bad Ginny-sue fanfiction is one that was was linked on DLP as an April Fools joke a couple of years back.

Ginny Weasley: Supervixen

It's a perfect example of the breed - at first you figure it has to be parody, because there's no way someone with decent writing ability would come up with such an absurd set of ideas and then play them straight. But then you start to wonder. Essentially, the fic is a retarded variant of Kill Bill's plot. But here's a three word example of how fucked-up it can get:

Spoiler

"Benevolent." Pedophile. Draco.