Title: Freefall
Author: esama
Rating: K+
Genre: Adventure/Drama
Pairing: None as yet
Status: Abandoned
Summary: While looking for a Horcrux from the Antarctica, Harry stumbles upon the Stargate - and through it to Atlantis. Warnings for lot of OCs and slight lack of logic. Drabble story.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6612445/1/Freefall
Link (zip archive of Esama's works): https://dl.dropbox.com/u/92776639/Esama.ZIP


Intriguing story. I don't really know jack about Stargate, but that didn't detract a huge amount from the story. A very basic knowledge, about as much as you'd get from watching one episode of SG: Atlantis is all you need.

Features Harry as the guardian of a fledgling society of races fleeing from the Wraith. First drabble format story I've read, so I can't say how good it is compared to others, but it flows well and there's no errors jumping out t you.

Throws a few moral quandry's at Harry every now and then as well as a bit of 'detached' action. I quite enjoyed it. 4/5.


Checked by Minion, August 12, 2013
Bulwersator provided a link to an archive with Esama's works.
If you know where to find another copy of the story, please inform the library staff.

 

It's pretty interesting. Definitely original. 5/5.

 

Eh..the premise is original to an extent, but the lack of detail really gets to me each time. The story is written as if a bunch of snippets are tied together, that's not to say I want each scene to take more than 10k words but at same time a short 500 words per scene is not enough to cut it.

Then we get to the use of magic throughout the story and HP in general. There is so little use of magic, it would be the same as if an OC named Harry Potter arrived at Atlantis. As far HP goes, his characterization is inline with esama's standards, and by that I mean 'pussy-footed', pardon the crude language.

Finally the author has proven time and time again, that they have no inclination to finish their stories once they are 'bored' of it. Just look at Space haven.

I would give the story 3/5, and that's generous.

OP, the author's name is esama, btw.

 

Honestly, the lack of tedious detail is what actually got me interested. It was an effective way of delivering the story. Like little snapshots.

 

Yeah the snap shot style was great in the beginning, but I kind of assumed the author was setting up the story. I guess I got used to authors such as keiranhalcyon2010, and phoneixcatcher that I expected others to follow the same style.

But my greatest concern is that story will be placed on the way side, like esama's many other stories.

 

Harry Potter crossovers belong in the main Library, not "other fandoms". https://forums.darklordpotter.net/forumdisplay.php?f=40

 

I like it. 4/5

I don't like the snapshot style; that style makes it too hard to really empathize and get in the head of the characters. I'm reading about them, not reading them.

Odds of it finishing are pretty low, though I think there is actually a chance. We are now what? 4, 4 and a half years into it? so thats 2 or 3 years till SGA shows up, which would be a good place to close it.

 

A good read, I liked it.

Sure the broken narrative way it was written in the beginning was a bit weird to get into, but after a while he introduces dialogue and you can get into Harry a little bit which helps slightly.

Unfortunately, it's not enough; only the last two chapters was when I really felt like I was reading a story and not some outline. You start to get the feel for Harry, but the others are still just there; background.

The ideas, plots and twists to the series are good though.

All in all, like in the author's summary: a drabble, a very good drabble which he/she was probably to lazy to write out in full and just stuck with notes and scenes.

I really would like to give it more for the ideas, but so far 3/5 at best.

 

Loved this. I really like how the author shows us about the world in little snippets. This is a style of writing I've been enamored of for a long time, even though the parts are usually a bit longer.

4-4.5/5.

 

Snippet? I read's like a bullet-ed plot summary. Know the type of thing you'd write while outlining a story. Posting that as a story just seems kinda, lazy. Like they figured they weren't going to go back and fill in the little points with all the detail generally expected in fiction so just post it as is.

 

Considering Esama's track record for finishing fics; if this is the format that actually gets us closure, I'm all for it.

 

Had problems really getting into this story in the beginning. I thought the "snippets" or small pieces of storyline where somewhat bothersome to read. As it turned out, it got better and after first chapter, I had to read the rest.

I really wish the auther had made it into a coherent story instead of this logbook style thing he has going, though i reckon Shouldabeenadog is right when insinuating that it would most likely never get done otherwise.

3/5

 

Serendu's A Soul Has Bandaged Moments was a HP/SGA fic in the same snippet format except it was much less coherent since he seemed to put them in a random order.
esama does it better since she's actually following a logical progression.

I'll admit the plot gets paper thin sometimes, and the snippets don't come together seamlessly.

However, the writing's technically sound and I like the crossover.
It may just be a guilty pleasure for me as is with a lot of esama's work.
Nonetheless, solid 4/5.

 

Well I like it. It does seem to be going somewhere.

The story is interesting even if it is in a snapshot like format. Guess it keeps it nice and simple without having to bog it down with dialouge and heavy exposition. It also gets the plot moving quickly.

4/5

And at least it didn't go into slash as was hinted in the first chapter. Never mind the ? of it. I think it would have been poorer if it did.

 

My bad. Cheers for the heads up.

 

What the fuck, guys. This doesn't even count as a story. 1/5.

 

I like the format actually. It makes the story progress pretty fast while still making sure you have all the necessary information to follow. I really liked Space Haven from that author and wish she/he had finish it. The combination of technology and magic has potential which I think the author uses well.

4/5

 

Regardless of the "this isn't so much a story as a collection of story notes" format, the content also annoys me. So much of the story makes so little sense. The author just makes people behave in arbitrary ways, just so the plot can be what she wants to it to be. For instance, Harry often completely forgets he has magic which could solve a problem instantly, or he waits until the last moment before using magic, allowing friends and allies to be put in danger. All for the sake of a particular plot point coming to pass, or for dramatic pacing.

People also react this this in unbelievable ways. After Harry confesses to the Knight dude that he simply forgot to use magic, and thus lost a leg, the Knight laughed. He should have been horrified at the display of complete incompetence from the man he had sworn fealty to.

The story also has a few annoying tropes.

1. Alive technology that Harry has some kind of connection to. AI in an advanced civilisation makes sense, but it's quite clear this isn't AI but something rather more mystical. Were it AI, it A) wouldn't have a weird preference for Harry and B) wouldn't only exist when interacting with Harry.

2. Respect the primitives!Harry. While Weir is off learning about Ancient technology and language, Harry is off learning the traditions of all these retarded cultures.

3. Magic and technology are one. This really needs to die in a fire already.

Then you've got the stupid storyline of Harry kids (what, exactly, was his objection? And why did it change?), the fact that Harry has practically set himself up as some kind of King, the rather arbitrary story elements (e.g. access to time dilation when convenient to the plot, but not when it isn't).

Even without the "this isn't a story" objection I'd rate this 2/5.

 

I'm gonna have to agree with this, with the added objection of Harry often being stupid. You went over that a bit, but it needs to be emphasized.

And yeah, what's with the kids? And their names. I know I shouldn't care that much about their names (though one could argue that's the only thing they have to their character...), but was I the only who stared at the screen when it came time to name some of them?

But more than that, like you said, what's the point? Okay, yeah, Cedric was about to die, but was I supposed to feel attachment to this character? Or his mother? Neither of them are important! They have no character! This was especially transparent when (urgh) Pheonix showed up.

For those who haven't read that far (and I don't advise doing so), Harry has a son by some Ancient woman (artificially, though; he doesn't actually have sex with anyone. Why? Who fucking knows). She whisks the baby off to some place with time dilation (which nobody is abusing for fun and profit. Why? Who fucking knows). Long story short, she gives her son (ugh) Pheonix a happy, wonderful childhood away from the horrors of war.

Harry throws a hissy fit in outrage, whcih we are, apparently, supposed to feel too. Thing is, I didn't feel it. Am I supposed to care that a woman gave her son a childhood that was safe and full of love away from a city full of dangers? Or am I supposed to feel for Harry, who was denied a role in his sons childhood (which he would have spent most of fucking off to the corners of the galaxy)?

I get the feeling I be upset with the Ancients. And I am! Why the hell haven't they taken all the unimportant people to the TD field and written them out of the story until they were old enough to matter? Does anyone care about seeing Harry change (fuck) Hedwig's diapers? Get rid of these characters until their old enough to know that they should hate their father for the names he gave them, or something!

So yeah, he basically strips the Ancients of a great deal of power, shifting them to second class citizens, etc. Why? Because Harry's a tard in this story.

:facepalm

 

1. I don't know about you, but when I read a HP crossover, I want the universes to make sense in presence of another.

SG/HP: Advanced technologies relies on the psychic abilities of the Ancient. Magic is the product of Ancient / Human descendant, that evolved through time.

It does make sense.

2. Harry isn't one who like to learn. He's more of the action type. And even though he did learn some ancient technology crap through the story, his focus is mainly on exploration. I just don't understand your point, what's the problem with Harry moving out? It provides something to do to the character because otherwise he would just be in Atlantis and do nothing.

3. I didn't see that. Could you point out any examples?

About the fact of Harry not using magic during his duel against the General. I agree that it was stupid. But very stupid. Especially on a fight where he had to proved his superiority.

For Harry other uses of Magic, I can see where he is coming from. He's left his world behind, a world ravaged by Voldemort (I think) where he lost his friends and his 'family'. He wants to start anew in Atlantis and he doesn't need magic that much. That's the thing. Atlantis doesn't need magic for anything except for repair (for which he used magic). When there is an attack from a spaceship from the I think it's the Hive they're call or something like that, he used magic. When some tribe managed to get into Atlantis and 'take control' of the city, he used the Imperius curse. When he is captured by a tribe on another world, he apparated his team out. And that's only what I remember from the top of my head.

While there are not that many uses of magic, there are some and I think, at the right time.

For the kid, it is simply a culture shock more than anything. We need to remember that Harry is 17-18 when he left Earth behind. Which means he lived for 6-7 years in a world where children are the product of sexual relations. He has no influence from the muggle world where in vitro insemination starts to appear in the 2000s. Of course he'll be WTF. He's other objection was that he wanted to have a role in the future of his kids. Is that unreasonable considering he's never had a family? I don't think so. He wants one and he felt that the artificial insemination wouldn't allow him to play a role in his kids' lives. He finally let go of these objection because he realized that his magic can protect a great many lives (after the imperius event I think) and that having other with it would help protect the city which he has swore to protect.