Title: Harry Potter and the Champion's Champion
Author: DriftWood1965
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Humor
DLP Category: Humor/Parody
Pairing: Harry/Hermione
Status: Complete
Summary: Harry allows Ron to compete for him in the tournament. How does he fare? This is a Harry/Hermione story with SERIOUSLY Idiot!Ron Bashing.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5483280/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Champions_Champion


Just started reading this, only about 7 chapters through so far so I can't say if it holds through till the end but so far it is absolutely HILARIOUS. I've never seen a portrayal of Ron taken to such a ridiculous level, but this is definitely a complete laugh-out-loud fic. Also some pretty funny Draco bashing.

Fair warning: there is a fair amount of really boring and badly written lovey-dovey crap between Harry and Hermione that I really suggest skipping - not too much beyond the first chapter thankfully. That's really the only weakness of this fic, it tries to do both Humor and Romance and does a fantastic job at one but a terrible job at the other.

Rating: 4.5/5 (not too hard to just skip past the romance stuff but still it takes away from otherwise what I think is a fantastic humor fic).

 

Think I saw this referenced on TVtropes as the fic that had Hermione force Ron to rape hiimself.

No story beginning with Harry lying on his four poster bed is worth reading.

 

Well given the story's rating and the way it's going so far I highly doubt that's what happens -_- you're probably thinking of something else. I also did a quick CRTL+F for rape through every chapter and couldn't find anything.

As for your other comment, all I can say is it's your loss.

 

If you have to suggest skipping parts of a story, then it's not library worthy. Especially if it's first chapter.

 

Jesus. It was so hard to not begin this reply with "Challenge Accepted!"

/lazyasshole

So I got through the first paragraph. The writing is a lot like this. Then I typed my next sentence. Then I tried to think of something witty to say. But I couldn't. Generic short unimaginative sentence.

So, aside from that we have Hermoine romance introduced within the first, like, 30 seconds.

Ok, so I did some more skimming, and fuck Cho Chang, Harry and Hermione are a couple just a couple more paragraphs down more down the line. That pairing just couldn't wait for any real build up, huh.

"Damn my best friends hot, better ask her out and screw any teenage anxiety that's typical of people my age, I'm asking her out RIGHT NOW. And now we're going to make out, and it's not going to be awkward or anything at all, because, fuck it, I'm Harry Potter."

2/5 for being half way grammatically competent.

 

Since when did ratings only count for part of the story? If it has bad parts, then give it a worthy rating. Don't pick and choose the good parts.

Then, if you're in doubt about it's quality, post it in Almost Recommendable.

 

Okay you guys all have a fair point about it not being library-worthy if some parts need to be skipped... it's just that once the author starts with the humor (end of chapter 2 onwards) it's a hilarious read, definitely on par with stuff in the library. I know I don't have much credibility on this site having only posted like 5 times, but I've been reading HP fanfiction for 6 years and have been using this site as a reference for about half that time so I know what this site's standards are and what a good fic in general is.

I really have nothing to gain personally from advocating for this fic. I'm only posting here because Chapters 3 - 7 literally had me laughing out loud the whole time. And I'm not high/drunk... Really it's so easy to just take a look at the first chapter and say fuck this, but if you want to have a really good laugh just continue reading for 10 minutes and tell me if you regret it then.


EDIT: Okay here's a pretty funny excerpt just to give you a taste:

 

Which part in there specifically do you find funny? The only thing it made me think is that the author is so insecure in his heterosexuality that he has to make gay jokes in a Harry Potter fanfiction and he wants his hundreds of readers over the internet to know it.

I gave it about two chapters, and I kept thinking, this isn't humor at Ron's expense, this is a butchery. The careless bashing just makes me hostile toward the writer for writing something so worthless.

The writing is mediocre and bland enough that I wouldn't want to read further even if the humor improved drastically on an astronomical scale.

I'll give it it a 1.5/5. The fic has a ten year-old's humor and an eleven year-old's grammar skills.

Told you about fics beginning with four poster beds.

 

That wasn't funny in the least. Pretty pathetic, actually.

 

So, yeah: is this by a rabid Harmony writer, or does he at least attempt to write a decent/somewhat plausible H/Hr pairing?

 

Yeah, it was funny. Funny how terrible it was.

 

Errr, I'll try to be rational about this. However, most of the points I'm making have already been covered in some part by the other reviewers, so I'm probably flogging a redundant, dead horse.

Point Une: Derailed characterisation of Ron. The guy is a bit of a thick-skulled git, yes, but who wasn't? Even Hermione, whom the author likes, had her moments. Hence, this is no excuse for bashing the Weasley.

Point Deux: As xThornx mentioned, the choppy sentences. There are these things called "conjunctions", which must be an extremely elusive concept. Are they that difficult and mind-boggling to use effectively?

Point Trois: The capslock in the excerpt (and the rest of the fic) makes me whimper a little. When I was writing a Tempus Tale, enembee correctly admonished me for my liberal usage of capslock in conversations. Capitalising words seems to be a poor substitute for pithy dialogue, when creating emotional tension. Don't try and overcompensate for poor dialogue with WORDS LIKE THESE!!!!

Point Quatre: Fleur's accent irks me a little. I haven't read GoF in some time, so I may be a little unfamiliar with the canon French accent, but Fleur sounds a little... off. And I don't remember her ever saying "Zank you" in canon. Does JKR just make her say "Merci"?

"Zank You" sounds like a pharmaceutical.

Point Cinq: Don't call Daphne Greengrass an "Ice Princess of Hogwarts". Moreover, there are missing commas, especially during conversations.

I coloured the commas and full stops that were missing. I'm not going to pretend that I'm a Grammar Whiz, but the missing commas and full stops made the writing difficult to read. Hell, there are probably more missing commas; I just didn't notice them. My corrections are the bare minimum.

Don't make me even comment on the strange spacing and the pranked-Slytherin cliche...

(nb: I also coloured a phrase that you probably dislike.)


Conclusion: I could tolerate the cliches like "Daphne IcePrincess", if it weren't for the abhorrent bashing. The writer also needs a DLP-style lesson in grammar, style, and dialogue.

2/5

P.S. In my chosen extract, Harry "replied" four times. I simply don't have time to go through that excerpt and correct every mistake; the commas by themselves took a long time. However, that repeated word really annoyed me.

 

Is this the topic posters story?

I saw this a while ago, when I actually thought Harry x Hermione was the best pairing - I was an idiot, but that's why I started reading fanfics - I didn't even like it then to be honest as the blatant Ron bashing gets tiresome after about a chapter and a half...

 

If you read the first post, the thread creator implies that he is still in the process of reading this fic, so you can assume that he isn't the story's author.

Honestly, Harry/Hermione isn't that horrible a pairing; Harmonians just maul it with their crazy Rons and slutty Ginnys. The tendency of many Harry/Hermione stories to make Harry even more reliant on Hermione, whilst relegating him to the background, also decreases the cred of the couple.

 

Did this gigantic cunt of an author just type out fart sounds? Is he legitimately padding his word count with "pwwwwtttttt?"

/me rolls down a fucking mountain

 

Well, people do tend to hate what they don't understand.

That said, this is a terrible, terrible waste of time, though I doubt any effort was wasted on it. Coming from someone who actually likes the oh-so-rare well-written H/Hr, this is just a rehash of the worst cliches and face-palm worthy aspects of that genre. It's like a throwback, in each of the worst possible ways, and it's not even funny in an absurd or unintentional way.

I'm tempted to see if the author has other stories like this, to get a sense of whether it's an earnest fail-gasm or just a very bad troll. If I could give this -infinity/5, I would.

On another, more relevant note, WTF is up with people posting stories in For Review when they haven't even bothered to read all of what's available?!? It's got 16 chapters and is marked 'Complete.' And yet we get this in the OP:

I have a feeling that people want so badly to be the one to recc a story that they think everyone will fall all over, stupidly thinking, "Gee, this [sure tickled my funnybone] [made me tingly in my special place] [made me cry like the pussy I am] [sure doesn't seem cliche to me] [has graphic slash but DLP will understand and approve regardless] [insert other idiocy here]."

Then they rush right over to post it, all the while thinking they'll get a hundred thumbs-up and a bunch of virtual pats on the back and replies like, "My god! How did you find this masterpiece?" or "Dude, We bowz down to yer abilities too snifff out teh awesome reccs!1!"

Honestly, there ought to be a rule - since it apparently escapes people's common sense - that no matter the length of the story you want to post in For Review, you must have read all of it that's available before doing so. It's not rocket science, but it's obviously not happening as often as it should.

You are dumb.

 

I read it in its entirety. Well, not exactly, I had to scroll through 30-40%, because of sickening pairing stuff.

It's readable (if you're bored/procrastinating). The author seems to know the difference between "your" and "you're". Some of the humour is even funny.

On the other hand, the author can't write a smart character, so they had to dumb down and simplify all the adversaries. Or, at least those they don't like. So: Fleur tries to use her veela charms to steal other girls' dates, Dumbledore can't think about anything but "greater good" and getting some ass, Draco blames everything on Harry & Hermione and Ron is jealous even of things he doesn't care about.

There's more, but I cbf to write more about this fail of a story.

2/5.

 

FYI I finished it and I would have posted it again if I hadn't done so already.

Thank you for at least reading it, and agreeing that parts of it are funny.

Yes I agree that the story fails in terms of characterization/plot/grammar, but really those weren't the reasons I posted the fic (and fine, maybe that was wrong of me). I really should have made this clearer in the OP, but it's the sort of fic that works if you're in a really silly mood and just want to read an awesome crackfic. I mean come on if something like "Harry Potter and the Sparkly Hufflepuff" made it into the library I don't see why this shouldn't - they're both crackfics that aren't meant to be taken seriously. I'll be the first to admit the grammar in HPSH is 100x better but I find this one far funner and actually relevant to HP Fanfiction.

Anyone trying to look at this as a serious work of writing and not just a crackfic is just wasting their time.

 

Read this. Regretted it.

Horrible example of Harry/Hermione, and humour. 2/5 at best.

Edit: Another instance of the same joke used a hundred times because the author can't think of anything else humourous. There's only one humour fic (that I can think of at the moment) that worked beyond half a dozen chapters: A Black Comedy.