Character bashing and Harry being a complete asshole for the sake of being a complete asshole? Sounds original!

/sarcasm

Anyway, it was great. I made the elephant mistake too, and only realized my error when it mentioned his bite and black fur coat. I'm kinda curious about this bit, though:

Maybe Ivan did more then just put in a false memory? Or is Harry going to figure out something is wrong on his own?

 

I have one problem with what Ivan did. Aside from being mean to Harry, what purpose he had in planting a false memory in his head? I predict that he did it on someone else command and my number one suspect is Romulus. He may be a cool bastard, but he seems to really love his daughter and wants the best for her. And if that means messing with Harry's mind to make him more powerful wizard capable of protecting her, so it be.

EDIT: I just reread parts with Romulus POV and this theory became rather unlikely. But I still think that Ivan didn't do it on his own.

 

I took it to mean that he would eventually figure out what happened. Letting him do it on his own would be a way to conquer Ivan as it were. This is why I thought that Calypso wanted to leave him be to figure it out on his own. If Slughorn is any indication false memories can be shoddy at best. Voldemort does it fairly well, but it is uncertain as to whether this is due to his superior skill or the fact that their is a piece of his soul lodged inside of Harry.

The other option was that the real reason she didn't want to tell him is that preferred the change in Harry, and she wanted to keep him that way. I'm not sure if I would like her character should that be the case. Though it could always come back to haunt her in the end.

The true breaking point could end up being Harry finding out that someone he trusted manipulated him so thoroughly. We've already seen a hint of this possibility with the comment about how later on he would realize that this was his first use of Legilimency in regards to realizing Calypso wasn't telling him the full truth. This implies that later on he will learn what she was trying to keep from him at that time.

Unlike other people, I didn't mind the rush job on the end of the year projects. I think the animagus transformation was the biggest thing that happened this year because it shows he is gaining a deeper understanding of magic beyond wand waving. This might lead to him sensing magical traces soon and moving on to bigger magical projects.

What we do know is that Harry is working on something for Dark Arts that he isn't prepared to show just yet. Perhaps, a year away from school focusing on the tournament and side projects (while working with professor Flitwick) will give him time for his triumphant return 5th year. Who knows the added incentive of Voldemort being back could push him even further than ever before. He might break his own record during 5th year where we could truly see some amazing magic.

Also, I fully expect to see Sirius never let James forget what Harry's animagus form is.

 

It could just be the sadistic bastard explanation.

-He sees this young prodigy everyone is talking about. Statements like "defeater of Grindlewald" (think about rumours of Ivan's past) are thrown around. So right at the end when he has thoroughly shattered his defences. He sees an oppurtunity and shows him how weak he was. How easily and completely he broke him.

 

No offense, but the tagline for that scene was 'The Exam.' That's kinda self explanatory IMO.

The animagus stuff will be mentioned a bit in the next few chapters. Harry still has a long way to go before he masters it. As for Harry's Charms and Transfiguration projects, there just wasn't enough time. I get that you want more info, but I really really really didn't want to split this into two chapters, and it was already starting to run long.

You already know what Harry's projects were (charming his ceiling and conjuring), exposing more magical theory just didn't seem necessary, not when the reader already has an understanding of what those things are. Harry wasn't creating something new or making a discovery, he was applying magic that we've already seen in canon. You get from those throw away comments Rosier makes that they are suitably impressive for a wizard of Harry's age and placement.

And that was done on purpose. I spent so much time at the end of years 1 and 2 showing how much Harry has learned/advanced so that by the time I got to year 3, I didn't have to spend as much time on it. After exposing you to two years, it's a little given that Harry has advanced magically. The focus at the end of year 3 wasn't what Harry learned, it was how he grew as a character -- his mental development, not his magical one. That's what I felt was most important to get across to the reader,

Don't worry though. If reading about Harry practicing magic is what you want, there will be plenty of scenes where he's gearing up for the Tri-Wizard over the next few chapters.

 

Until the latest update I suspected it was Romulus too. Now, I'm leaning towards it having something to do with Ivan's history with Grindelwald.

 

I mostly liked it. My biggest gripe is the beginning, with the letter; I just thought it was badly written.

This paragraph was particularly irksome:

I understand you need this to explain why he's cursing a toad, but I found it pretty artificial, and slightly redundant to a reader familiar with canon. On the whole, the letter closes up the neat little canon divergence you had going on, but the form is quite bad. Also, it's 'creatures'.

The rest is good, though I'm slightly frustrated at not having more answers - not a bad thing, at this point.

For example, why would Calypso need to go to Hogwarts if Harry goes?

 

Trying to decide if this means Harry will compete or if it will be him practicing over the summer. I'm leaning towards him competing since you said the next few chapters. If I had the ability to give thumbs, I'd give one to Hw for potentially getting spoilers out of you.

 

There are going to be 2 chapters covering the summer break and a 3rd chapter at Durmstrang before we get into the Hogwarts/Triwizard chapters. That was the plan, anyway.

 

I understood that it was the exam it was just part of me was like - Really?
Maybe its because I didn't have the sense of cohesion from reading the update as part of an entire chapter but to me it was like:
Harry is struggling with the spell. It's pissing him off when he hears of his brothers progress and leads to him to question why he can't do this spell. Then next thing he is casting it perfectly in an exam. My first instinct is how? I was actually considering the difference between him and nathan that would allow nathan to cast the spell more successfully. But that contemplation is shut down (and I like stories that make me think).

And its clear from the post itself that you felt it was running long and that you didn't want to split it. That is why it seemed rushed to me.

I don't wan't you to feel pressured to right more than you want to on the year. I just read post and summarised what I genuinely felt about it.

I think I'll leave it to others to put thei views of what they think. but for my two cents, it needed more elaboration. Maybe not lots more but at least some.

 

I actually have an answer to this! It might be wrong, but I think you are overlooking what I think is one of the most important statements in this chapter if not the story.

This shows Harry's personal development as a character. He has made peace with himself and the memory. That false memory seems to have been the key to allowing him to discover his true personality. The memory put him on edge and changed how he acted, but it did not change who he was at his core.

In order to overcome the darker aspect of this memory, he had to make peace with it as well as himself. This is what lead to the animagus transformation because he was no longer holding back on the dark arts. He accepted every part of himself and truly knew who he was for the first time. The memory didn't make him darker so much as it forced him to accept what was already there i.e. he was someone who wanted to be the best. He no longer chains himself with the thoughts of what his parents think about him.

EDIT.

Oops. Forgot to add how that relates to the patronus charm. The change in attitude from I want to be a champion though I may not be good enough maybe I should ask a professor to I want to win is the key. It might not be directly related to the casting of the charm, but it is important. From canon, we know that the major change in Harry casting the charm wasn't having a happier memory but knowing he could cast it. I see this change as being similar here. We see a much more confident Harry do to the fact that he got passed the event on his own.

 

edit: ninja'd

The implication was that between then and the exam he'd had a happy experience which he was able to use as a memory to get the charm right. The biggest character development that happened to him was his deepening relationship with Calypso and his animagus transformation. Harry's success with the Patronus charm just seemed to be an outward result of his obvious character development and the recent resolution of his internal turmoil.

tl;dr: It didn't seem out of place to me. YMMV.

 

These are some pretty major character developments that the reader is supposed to infer from two lines. I don't want to shove my point in peoples faces so I think I'll sit back for a bit.

 

(April

Unless it's made of crumbs, it should be crumpled.

Firebolt should probably be capitalised as it's a proper noun. It's James' writing though, so perfect grammar isn't required.

their

Calypso's voice

bear

any real emotion, “but I hate

hot, fresh tears

himself

Shluga

“A part of me

was

assure you.” Romulus saw

legs
forelegs
hindlegs

Resting on his back legs

22nd

It was a statement

champion

 

My guess was that the memory he used for the Patronus charm was him achieving his animagus form for the first time, and then playing with Calypso as a dog. Seemed to be implied by the Patronus being a Doberman, since that seems to be his new form.

 

And so the Ivan mystery is solved. The means he tortured Harry, but most importantly the motivation. Who's to say memories of the torture are all that were implanted? Ivan seems more.. subtle then that. This detention was his contribution to Harry's education. Pushing him towards absolute perfection and the Dark Arts. A worthy successor to Grindelwald's legacy.

 

So did Nathan kill Pettigrew with his overpowered Confringo or did he just hit his hand with knife and the rat escaped ?

When I first read scene, I thought that with allusions to massive damage to dormitory and blood Pettigrew died but then I remembered that there was massive damage in canon too (when Sirius and Pettigrew fought) and Pettigrew survived.

 

I'm still not entirely sure how you can think... oh, he's dead, despite the fact that there isn't a fine mist of blood and gore coating EVERYTHING. Confrigo may be destructive, but afaik it's not that destructive. It should be obvious to anybody with a brain that it didn't actually hit his body. This was a plot hole in canon and it's a plot hole here, too.

 

Over the last few chapters (or updates perhaps?) I've been feeling more and more bored with the story. It started out brilliantly, Harry going to Durmstrang was an exciting prospect and I wanted to see what he would do. Then it became clear he was going to excel at Durmstrang. And that excited me for a while, seeing Harry being better than others. But it wore off soon enough.

It has been 3 years and absolutely nothing of note has happened. I feel like you're going through Harry's education and purposefully side-stepping cliches and it is so obvious that you're avoiding cliches at some parts that it really breaks the immersion.

There's absolutely no real suspense left in the story. Sure, 'what is calypso hiding?', 'what was the real torture that he faced?' or 'what is his animagus form?' might be some questions that you leave hanging but those are so minor that I've stopped caring at this point. Really, I expected so much more from this story.

Hell, even in canon, Harry faces Voldemort his first year, the basilisk his second, the dementors his third and I see this Harry and ask, what has he gone through yet at Durmstrang? Detention? Sure a mind-crippling detention that really had no point in being there but I'm sure you'll come up with a clever reason for it. But it's more than just conflict, there's an undercurrent in the story that puts you on edge that simply seems to be missing. There's only so far the transfer from hogwarts to durmstrang can take you. I used to be excited about the prospect of the tri-wizard tournament but now that I think about it, it'll involve Harry outshining in some really creative tasks that I'm sure you'll think of. That will show he's a badass and the conflict will be generated by a mixture of darkarts/calypso/parents/nathan. And at the end of it all, he'll come back to Durmstrang and get on with the next year's projects, possibly being estranged with his parents.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, while this story has great writing and started out brilliantly, I fear that you've fallen into a vicious cycle of making Harry stronger while avoiding cliches. It had the potential to be so much more than that.

 

If we go with parallels to canon, then if canon!Harry could produce overpowered Patronus that was many times more effective than normal one, it is possible for Nathan to literally disintegrate Pettigrew´s arm to fine blood mist so he could bleed out quickly because he has no wand and his heart pumps blood quicker while on run.

But, you are probably right.