Title: Liar, Liar
Author: Pyralis Anacreon
Rating: T
Genre: Suspense & Mystery
DLP Category: AU
Pairings: None
Status: Complete
Summary: Second Year AU. The Chamber of Secrets goes differently, and Harry winds up in an Azkaban cell across from one Sirius Black. A story told in drabbles. No bashing, even if it might seem like it at first. Link to Russian translation on my profile.
Link here.

I love this author and I can't believe this story hasn't been posted yet. There weren't any grammar or spelling mistakes, at least none that I could catch. I would say more of the story itself, but almost anything I say will spoil the surprise for you. I'll just say I really wasn't expecting this to go where it did. Haven't seen anything like this before (or at least not executed this wonderfully). 4.5/5

 

Would have been far better if it weren't drabbly. I couldn't get past the second chapter, honestly. 2.5/5

 

Ginny dies at the chamber and Harry is sent to Azkaban. Two page later, Harry lures Ron using the excuse he saw Ginny at the Whomping Willow.

So, is she dead or not?
Edit: Even ignoring the Voldemort plot, Sirius found nothing wrong with Harry using Ginny as an excuse?

 

Ignoring that plot hole, this was very good. 4.5/5. I like the stories you're recc'ing, keep it up.

 

Pretty good. I generally don't like the drabble style of writing, but this is one of a few exceptions. 4/5

Also, T3t? Spend less time in the Library and more time writing Thunderstorm. :awesome

 

>.> Chapter 4 will be done by next Monday, currently editing ch3. I hope...

 

"Drabbles" is a bullshit format. It's a lazy, I don't really feel like writing a story substitute for y'know actually writing a story. It drags down every story written that way, no matter how high the potential of the story. I have never read a great "drabble" fic and this wasn't the first.

2/5, in large part due to the cop-out format used.

 

It really sounds like you're looking for an excuse not to like this story. There's nothing inherently wrong with using short scenes; as far as I can tell, the story was meant to show the events in a very fast pace, with character progression occurring at a similar speed.

Saying you didn't like the story because it was made of "drabbles" (some of which were in excess of a thousand words) is, eh, lazy.

 

Well it didn't develop the characters for me. It seemed rushed, jotted down and not coherent.

Want a different reason.

That was a god-awful idea years ago. It hasn't improved any. Any story that includes instantly suffers a gigantic drop in quality. It's character bashing and bad writing at it's finest.

Fuck off

Edit: So it's a twist. It doesn't work any better. It has no impact as Andro said. It's full of plot-holes (what happened to Harry's protection against Voldemort. Why in gods name would they throw Voldemort in Azkaban. (I can't believe that even Dumbledore would convince the Ministry to do that.) Why would Voldemort choose to return to Hogwarts after his escape? It's one of the stupidest moves he could make.

Maybe these are explained later. I don't know. But the story didn't have any impact, didn't really develop characterization and utterly failed to capture my attention at all. I won't be reading further to find out.

The author had an interesting idea that could have worked. But it's rushed, full of weak writing cop-outs and lacking impact, in large part due to the "drabble format" So my original point still stands.

 

What the fuck? You obviously didn't even finish reading chapter 1. Seriously, that's not what actually happened. :facepalm

 

This is much better writing than the word drabble would imply. Scenes have that precise dramatic ending with just the right sentence, and Sirius's interactions with Harry are very good. Sirius's protectiveness, desire for retribution, Harry's coldness and vulnerability, are all conveyed really well.

There's an almost-effective twist at the end of the first chapter. It's kind of lame because of the 'almost' part, but I'll put it in spoiler tags for courtesy's sake.

Spoiler

Harry turns out to be possessed by Voldemort and bushwhacks the unwitting Sirius. That should have been a good shocking plot twist except for a few things:

The almost nonexistence of buildup. In a real story the first few scenes would have been extended so that this Harry was entrenched more deeply. That's why Saruman's treacherous nature wasn't revealed in the Fellowship of the Rings as opposed to the Two Towers.

But the buildup wouldn't help anyway because of the fact that this was an AU. Yeah, this Harry is cruel and a lot different from the one we know from canon, except there's no way to tell if it's because Voldemort possessed him or because it's an AU and it's a result of the AU differences. So it's a pity that a potentially key, defining, crowning moment of this fic had no impact whatsoever.

So, due credit for coming up with a good plot twist, but a reprimand for stunting its effect.

I kept reading further, but it seems from the offerings past chapter two indicate that he wasted his best concept and idea in the first chapter. Bad decision-making.

There are smaller problems, but they're already stacking up in the first chapter, and the mistake versus length density is not acceptable.

I hate it when authors do this. You read this and you instantaneously know, "Oh, the writer's trying to go for shock effect to reap undeserved dividends", except the writer neglected to realize that without any foundational basis that it's just douchebag writing that establishes the jarring differences between this Harry and canon's Harry with the subtlety of a bag of anvils falling into a swimming pool full of bricks?

3/5 for reasonable strength of writing.

Dammit, you've ran into a couple of people who try to do this right?

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend... well, she was" the guy says meaningfully, prompting the listener to ask for more details so he can tell a story where he dumps a bitch and validates himself.

It's cliched dialogue anyway.

No reader has any obligation to read a sentence more than what the author compels him to read.

 

Couldn't read past the everyone-turned-on-Harry-based-on-Weasley's-story angle. Also, a twelve-year-old in Azkaban? It's a prison, ladies and gents, a motherfuckin' prison. You don't put children in prison. If you really need to go that way for the plot to work, a precedent has to be made for the reader to get used to the idea. Casually throwing it out there in the first three paragraphs doesn't work.

Decent writing, hate drabbles, awful plotting. 2/5 based on chapter 1.

 

No, but since the whole thing is a misdirection, rating it down just for that is stupid. Also, @IdSayWhyNot.

 

I enjoyed this story. The drabbles format has been used well by the author. The first chapter was difficult to get through. I'm glad I did and found the rest of the quite good.

I'm still not sure why Dumbledore let Harry be imprisoned. He couldn't find/design a ritual to separate the souls when Hermione could?

For that - 3.5/5

 

Meh. There are few instances when the drabble format can be used correctly, and this is not really one of them. If this were a story that was fast-paced all the way through, then I'd be more inclined to accept the format in which it's written. But, seeing as how there's a three-plus year gap involved, it fails the purpose. And anyone who didn't know it was Diary!Riddle in Harry's body from the very beginning ought to have someone look over their reading comprehension skills, 'cause that was telegraphed so hard I swear I heard dots and dashes.

The year in Azkaban being written in drabbles I can let go because there's really only one thing happening, and that's Harry becoming an Animagus. Actually, scratch that, since there's no way that *nothing* should be going on outside a prison where several people know Voldemort is (a) alive and (b) in possession of Harry Potter's body. Does anyone really believe that D'dore would allow a Voldemort-in-Harry's-body to be placed near Bellatrix or a Sirius Black he believes to be a Death Eater?

Anyway, there are some good parts, but in the end it feels like an attempt to rip-off the originality of A Black Comedy and make it uber-serious and angsty. The Draco/Luna and Blaise/Hermione, Harry/Hermione and Ron/Hermione melancholy trifecta was, well not exactly ham-handed, but rather just more Wuthering Heights than I care to see. Ever.

The "White Wolf" thing grated my nerves in its absurdity, and with the "highly-effective Army of schoolchildren," I can't decide which made my eyes roll the most. I'll admit that these two cliches/bastardizations were handled better than in most "kick-ass!DA" stories, but shit that doesn't smell as bad as usual is still just less-malodorous shit.

I liked the ending, in which Harry is confronted with the fact he's more like Tom Riddle than he'd ever care to admit, but that, overall, doesn't save the story from its failings. As others have said, are we to believe that while Dumbledore apparently hadn't the foggiest idea how to save Harry - other than toss him in with soul-eating Dementors lol! - the perfect (and ultimately easy-as-pie) solution literally falls into Hermione's hands?

Oh, and if I ever have to read "gunshot crack of Apparition" again, I may murder someone.

It was okay, and I actually finished it, so I'm gonna be generous and round up from 3.5 to 4 for rating purposes. And T3t? You are becoming way too invested in this story's reception, my man. It was decent and had some good ideas, but it ain't all that.

 

Yeah, I guess. :facepalm

I don't actually care that much, but... ack. *pulls hair*

 

Writing's ok. But seriously? Azkaban? IdSayWhyNot's right, there needs to be precedent established for that sort of thing. And Harry just knows that Pettigrew is Ron's rat? How stupid.

Harry-breaks-all-the-rules-to-become-animagus fail. Sirius going ZOMGSUPERHARRY fail. I'm midway through chapter 1 and I honestly don't see the point of going on. This story seems to be cliches built on poor premises and a Gary-Stu HP.

1/5, because I can't put a zero.

EDIT: Harry prefering to be in his wolf form and Sirius all but encouraging him to kill Ron. Sirius being unable to kill Pettigrew, and Harry telling him he can. Ridiculous.

 

...Ok, this time I'm not going to do it. Promise.

 

I love this.

 

Oh man, I didn't even think of that angle. I think I got derailed by the cliches. I'll have to check it out again!